Bad Day

Ann · 06-22-2006, 10:14 AM

Mary,

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I too had a friend that I made because we both were going through breast cancer. When she passed away, I could not believe it even though I knew the end was near. I guess part of it was that I thought in the back of my mind that it could have been me. I still miss her and at times I even think I see her in a crowd. And then I have to remind myself...

Take care of yourself.

MJo · 06-26-2006, 08:24 AM

I am sorry you lost your friend. I am in a weekly support group at the Wellness Community, and some of the women have a bigger fight on their hands than I do. I wonder sometimes if I will face losing one of them, or maybe they will face losing me. My boss also has breast cancer and, except for me, she wants to avoid cancer patients. I guess she thinks if she's not around it, it won't come back. I myself like the sharing, and I like the other women a lot. But to care is to risk. Please don't stop risking...Mary Jo

marymary · 06-26-2006, 09:49 PM

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful, insightful messages. It meant so much to me to hear from each and every one of you. In fact, I wanted to respond personally to each email I received but I confess I don't know if that's possible.

I believe it is really good to just go on a good crying jag every now and again. After I got some sleep I felt so much better! This disease is so difficult, it just never goes away (duh). At times I feel a great sense of failure because I can't seem to put it out of my mind for very long, no matter how I try. Right now for me that's the hardest part, not dwelling on my own mortality and constantly speculating how much longer I may or may not have. When I found out that Katie died there were no more opportunities for speculation, for stratigizing, for hope. Not for Katie in this life.

However we who meet on this board are still alive and do still have hope. Morning is my favorite time, the weather has been so pleasant. I get a hot cup of coffee and may even take a few minutes to sit under the oak watching and listening to the Blue Jays exclaim that Yes! There is once again seed in the feeder! Spread the word!!!

That seems to be a good place to end. Summer is here and so are we.

Mary

mamacze · 06-27-2006, 08:20 PM

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your words describing spirits plummeting and a real fear about loss and dying that I think many of us are dealing with to one degree or another on this board; especially when a good friend passes. It seems like you were able to stand toe to toe with your fear and your faith seemed to carry the day. It is hard to share these personal and fretful moments; I am grateful that you did.
Love Kim from CT