Hi all,
If you have read any of my posts in the past month or so then you know that as I come to the end of my active treatments (5 more Vit H to go) I have been experiencing some increased anxiety over whether everything I did worked or not.
I have recieved some wonderful advise on these boards about how finding mets earlier doesn't really change anything except that you will be in treatment longer....
....about how I now need to just look forward and enjoy life...
....to be perfectly honest...at the time I recieved the advise I didn't think it was "wonderful"...
....but something happened over this past two weeks or so that brought some clarity into my life as soon as the waves of saddness it first brought cleared up.
My brother put something on his Facebook wall about "his sister that had breast cancer"
Well (to quote some very well spoken ladies I know) crap on a crapstick....my brothers sister had cancer. My parents daughter, my husbands wife, my childs mother, my best friends best friend....all those poor people have had to put up with whiney old me for the past year and they all did so graciously.
So this past Sat., April 20 my family and I celebrated my one year from diagnosis day with a trip up to Hawk Mnt., our favorite "go to" place. We made new April 20th memories...these ones involved one bald eagle, a few broadwinged hawks and mmore turkey vultures then we could count.
And while we enjoyed our (cold and wind) day this song kept playing thru my head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w
Yes...I see more clearly now. You are right, all of you. I may still insist on a brain MRI once all this is done but as for the rest of me....I'm just letting go of the fear...I'm believing that what was seen in my lungs in Feb won't change when they are scanned again in June, that whats there is just the result of my lungs being 40 years old. I still believe I was lucky to have found the original breast cancer tumor early (no symptoms, no lump, just luck) but I can understand how finding mets isn't the same. I think I do anyway...either way, I'm letting go....I've been afraid long enough.
Thanks to my family and friends and all of you I have survived this first terrible year of being a person with cancer. I expect to survive another 45 and I doubt they will be terrible years.
Love love love you all
Leah
__________________
39 year old wife, mother of one and nurse.
April 20, 2012: Dx Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
April 25, 2012: ER+(5%), PR-, HER2+++
May 10, 2012: BRCA 1,2 Negative
May 23, 2012: MUGA Scan EF 70%
May 31, 2012: B/L Mastectomy. 2/2 nodes removed and CLEAR!! Power Port placed. 2 Drains. 2 Expanders placed
June 5, 2012: Drains OUT! Ahhhh..
June 12, 2012: Final Pathology Report, .8x.3cm tumor. Micromets to 1 node .35mm under cytokeratin staining. Stage 2A. Onc says "you are lucky to have found this early"
July 10, 2012: Started 6 rounds of TCH with weekly H
Sept 5, 2012: MUGA 65%
Sept 20, 2012: CAT scan of brain clear!
Oct 23, 2012: LAST TC! AMEN! Continue Herceptin every three weeks until July 2013.
Nov 19, 2012: Port out!
Dec 5, 2012: Started radiation
Dec. 10, 2012: MUGA 65%
Dec. 13, 2012: Turned 40. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!
Jan 23, 2013: Last radiation. Told I am NED. Continue Herceptin every three weeks till July 2013.
Jan 29, 2013: Begin 5 years of Tamoxifen.
Feb 28, 2013: CT Scan with Contrast of lungs. 5mm and 4mm nodules of unknown origin. Rescan in 3 months.
Mar 6, 2013: EF 60%
May 8, 2013: Exanders out, implants implanted...abd. lipo and fat moved up. Girls are looking good!
June 3, 2013: CT Scan with Contrast of lungs. Previous nodules gone. New nodules (2mm and 3mm) found. Rescan in 3 months. So sorry I opened this can of worms...
June 11, 2013: EF 60%
June 25, 2013: Last Herceptin. wow...
Aug 20, 2013: Tumor markers within normal limits. Xray to sore left ribs shows no disease or fractures.
Sept 9, 2013: CT of lungs shows no disease. Closing this can of worms and moving on.
Nov 20, 2013: Tumor markers within normal limits. Severe Vit D deficiency, started on prescription Vit. D. Blaming chemo for this.
Feb 2014: Tumor markers within normal limits.
May 2014: Tumor markers within normal limits. Graduated to twice yearly onc appts.
Oct 2014: Tumor markers within normal limits.
May 2015: Tumor markers WNL. Bone density scan fine. Bone scan and xray of ribs shows "something" 4th right rib. Could be healed fracture but if it is healed why does it hurt?
Nov 2015: Tumor markers WNL. Follow up bone scan clear.
Feb 2016: Syncope! WTF? Dizzy too. Brain scan clear, ECHO EF 60%, Halter Monitor shows heart is fine. Viral? I will never know.
June 2016: Tumor markers WNL.
Oct 2016: Stabbing pain right eye. Long story short, trigeminal neuralgia.
Nov 2016 Brain MRI clear.
Jan 2017: Tumor markers WNL, still getting weird pain right rib area, and sometimes right upper chest. Xray x2, Bone Scan, Breast MRI all clear. Scar tissue? Rads. I may never know.
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