Joe and Christine...forgive me

RhondaH · 12-17-2007, 01:02 PM

I have been a member of this site since 2/05 and while my "prognostic indicators" may not be as "dire" as others, unless I missed reading that "unless you HAVE/HAD Breast Cancer or are Stage IV" your opinion doesn't mean squat, I thought ALL were welcome. As long as the "required" information is given (TO JOE) to register, it is NOT REQUIRED to spill your guts on this site and to give every detail to people (sometime go on the "who's online" section and compare the # of lurkers to members at any given time) and sorry to say but, MANY people don't want everyone to know every thing about them as then it becomes personal and people tend to "attack you" when you expose yourself. The MAIN things I love about this site are the "familial" aspect AND the knowledge. When I first came to this site, I knew NOTHING, but I learned and I DIDN'T berate people for not "spelling it out for me". Also, there have been times when I would post something and go on to explain it for others, but because I was tired etc, maybe typed something wrong and rather than getting a polite correction, would get read the riot act. If something is of interest to you, read it, if it makes sense GREAT, if not you can "politely" ask the person to maybe elaborate or ask someone else, but SHUT UP if you can only criticize. We get a LOT of valuable information from people who DON'T spill their gutts to the community and prefer to keep their anonymity and I would HATE (I know this has happened to a couple of others that used to contribute, but got "beat up" for others not agreeing with them or finding their beliefs "wacky" which I can tell you have NOW been found to not be so "wacky") for us to loose valuable information because people don't either want to take the time to "learn" (I'm an insurance underwriter for God's sakes...now you know WHO I am... and have NO medical background, but I have still been able to learn things) or can only make "SMART ASS COMMENTS". I'll be honest, some of the people who "talk out of the side of their neck" have REALLY got a lot to talk about as some of the posts I've read are REALLY off the wall. I would LOVE to see more "members" than "lurkers", but I also know that prior to someone joining, they "test the waters" to see if they may be welcome (there are some boards where veritable CAT FIGHTS go on...not to mention the language...I know, I know I'm one to talk, but I'm MAD). There are people from ALL levels...it's one thing to "have an opinion",but it's another to "put down". I know I'm not perfect (the fact that I'm behind on my thank you cards...one in particular to a HER2 member who is very dear to me REALLY troubles me). I'll be honest, I've been lurking more than posting lately AND have read several good articles, BUT because I didn't have the time to "elaborate on them" AND seeing how others get beat up for it, I didn't post them. I'm going to keep it plain and simple...on the level of my 6 year old son (it's sad that it has to be explained so simplisticly), but "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Rhonda

hutchibk · 12-17-2007, 01:23 PM

I couldn't have said it better, Rhonda. I come here for information and to share (hopefully accurate) information, and on occasion my humble opinion as well as my optimism. I have learned in life how to approach much with a skeptical eye, and often know when it is prudent to just skip over something that is unduly negative or I believe has no useful purpose for me. I try to make sure if I need to voice a disagreement or jump into a debate, that I check the emotion at the door and be intellectual and respectful so as to not berate the offerer of the info/opposing position, or make personal attacks. As I once learned long ago - "just take only what you need, and leave the rest behind" - very simplistic in theory too, but I feel it is a nice companion to Rhonda's last sentence.

juanita · 12-17-2007, 04:52 PM

I agree, I come here for info and support. I don't care who gives it or how. We all have our opinions, some good and some bad. But we are all here to learn, from each other. So please lets all play nice so we can continue this wonderful site.

Mary Jo · 12-18-2007, 05:07 AM

Thank you Rhonda for your reminder that kindess and respect is to be a priority here. I, for one, am one who did not "leave her emotions at the door" and was none to kind or respectful in an earlier post. I have apologized for that post and hope I am forgiven.

Mary Jo

dhealey · 12-18-2007, 05:23 AM

I too, come here for the information and support. It doesn't matter if we are stageI or stage IV, fact is we all have breast cancer and we are all her2 positive. Us earlery stagers at anytime can become stage IV. I would hate to see this site shut down for sheer pettines. We have alot we can learn from each other. As above take what you need and leave the rest behind

CPA · 12-18-2007, 06:32 AM

... and don't forget those of us who are "just" caregivers.

Believe51 · 12-18-2007, 07:45 AM

Even though we are not breast cancer patients CPA, we still live through this terrible journey, wanting the same for our afflicted loved ones. You are not "just" a caregiver Love, you are the backbone to her plunge into health, comfort, and quality of life. I know you wrote JUST because you are not a patient and neither am I, but we are an important part of their journies Sweetheart.

I cannot respond to the post, I will not; I do not know what went on here so it would not be fair. All I will add is that I come here to get information so I can become a better caregiver. I listen to everyone and take what I need and pass over what I do not. I have my own beliefs and do not expect everyone to see MY way. It takes all kinds and I am so glad too because that is what makes this site so wonderful. We all need to get along. Enough said for good>>Believe51

sarah · 12-18-2007, 08:56 AM

It's upsetting to read that members have been upset by a hurtful post. We must all understand that cancer is a difficult disease and we can't be sweet and understanding all the time and that sometimes people get grouchy and say things they later regret. We should all be careful what we say and I believe strongly in being positive or keeping one's mouth shut however we don't all react the same way to things.
Forgive and forget. There are many, many more kind, wonderful and helpful people on this site.
stay positive
all the best in your fight against this awful disease
hugs and love sarah

Becky · 12-18-2007, 08:36 PM

But I will say that true growth and exceptional understanding of all facts comes from not when we all agree but when there is some disagreement. Done correctly, objective debate can bring all of us to new places - emotionally, scientifically, spiritually. But it does have to be done right.

Sometimes, things need to be said. Sometimes those things may need to be said privately. But some do push us to a higher level of understanding, make us better people and push us to know who we really are. They also help us understand the problem/idea full circle. We should not be so afraid to faciliate growth and try to come full circle as gumshoe researchers, advocates, survivors and friends by never disagreeing but doing so in a mature way.