BC and Divorce

Vanessa · 04-25-2007, 10:07 AM

Has anyone gone through a divorce when they were battling bc? My husband and I have been separated for 2 years and it looks like we will be divorcing in about 4-6 months, just wanted to get some feedback about it was like for others, especially in terms of insurance and financial support. Thanks.

Vi Schorpp · 04-25-2007, 11:27 AM

Hi Vanessa: I don't have any experience in this area, but had a few questions. Are you currently on your husband's insurance plan? Are you currently employed? Are you eligible to pay for COBRA coverage under your husband's plan? As far as financial support, are you working? Are you able to work? Are you eligible for disability? Have these concerns been addressed through an attorney regarding a divorce settlement? I'm not trying to pry, just want to get more of an idea.

How do you feel about the divorce? I believe you are anticipating new grandchildren in the future, so there's some joy to look forward to. You have a lot of courage and I admire you from your posts. Be well and stay well.

MJo · 04-25-2007, 02:01 PM

Like Vi, I hope you and your lawyer are working to protect you. I hope a two year separation has taken some of the raw pain out of the divorce. Take care.

Sheila · 04-25-2007, 02:06 PM

Vanessa....aka almost Grandma....

I was divorced 12 years before I developed breast cancer. I do know that if there is alot of stress involved, it can weaken your immune system, so as unpleasant as it is, keep your chin up and your spirits. It is a hard time for all involved, and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, but things happen and there are times when people are better off aprt.
On the lighter side, you have to be getting so anxious for the 2 little ones. My new little Grandaughter is 5 weeks old alread. I just purchased a Schwinn Jogging Stroller for her that is called the hope stroller with the breast cancer pink ribbon and a pink and gray lining.....it is so cute....my daughter is a runner so I know she will love it.

Vanessa · 04-26-2007, 08:51 AM

My husband is working a contract job, but is planning to take the position fulltime, so he can take out insurance on me. He is hoping to keep me on his insurance after the divorce if possible. At this point in time, I have insurance through my job. Also, he is talking about giving me permanent alimony to help with my living expenses and medical bills, especially if I get to a point where I am unable to work.

I am definately passed the emotional pain, since we have not lived together in 2 years. I am planning to talk to an attorney before he files for divorce so I can know what to expect. I am just wondering if anyone else went through a divorce and their husband was expected to help with medical expenses or keep insurance on the wife with late stage cancer?

Joy · 04-26-2007, 02:11 PM

Hey Vanessa, I'm glad the emotional pain is pretty much behind you and that your husband is willing to do some helping given your situation. I was divorced between my diagnoses (stage I in 2000 and stage IV in 2002). Things were pretty ugly between us then. It was rough with 2 little girls factored in. He had agreed to a basic child support payment and a tiny bit of alimony. I chose not to push the issue because of the girls. I just couldn't drag them through the BS of arguing over money-they are priceless after all.

For me this turned out to be an okay thing. As time has gone on we have become friends and really good co-parents. But the good thing financially has been that when I need money I can ask him and he gives it fairly easily. Sometimes he expects to be paid back and sometimes he doesn't. Honestly if I litigated I could get twice what he pays now. He makes great money for our area with Hewlett-Packard and we get only about 10%. I have the kids every day on his weeks and he only has them for overnights. On my weeks I have them 24/7. Regardless, the kids, Steve and I did not go through an ugly legal, financial battle.

Insurance - wise, I got 36 months of COBRA with HP's carrier, United. That was great and my premium did not sky rocket as many had warned. Just prior to that ending I started the paper work for CoverColorado (our state 'high-risk pool' formerly called Colorado Uninsurables). Almost every state has a high-risk pool the carrier for ours is Pacificare and my premium is $266/month for me. They also offer a discount if you have an income below $36,000, which I do.

It is not lesser insurance at all. I'm quite pleased with how things have gone with them.

Anyway, that was a lot about me and not much about you, sorry. I just wanted you to know that you have a divorced stage IV sister out here in Colorado. Let us know how it all shakes out or e-mail if you'd like to chat and ENJOY the babies!

Vanessa · 04-28-2007, 11:41 AM

Thanks for advice and well wishes. I know that Texas has a risk pool insurance, so that is what I might end up on, which is okay with me. It just seems hard at times to be alone during this experience. I am fearful of having to live off of disability.

I definately am getting excited about the arrival of my grandchildren. I am thinking of taking a doula class to help my daughters during labor with massage.

Sandy H · 04-28-2007, 05:32 PM

I had a friend who was just starting to file for divorce after 3 years of separation when she was diagnosed with bc. Her doctor told her to put it on hold and she did for a year. When she did file her attorney looked out for her taking everything about her health into consideration. There were no children but she got a large alimony amount and if she became unable to work it would be increase. She had insurance through her work but it was set up that if she lost it and was unable to get or afford insurance he would have to insurance her. She was happy with how it was set up and was able to live comfortable even when she did have to get done work. Unfortunately, she lived only a year after the divorce so he got off easy. Perhaps, that was the reason for such a high alimony at the time. They did remain friends even though he remarried within a month of the divorce. He chose to leave the marriage after 28 years and she wanted to give him enough time to come back if he wanted. Wishing you the best in this difficult time. Sending you a big hug, Sandy

julierene · 06-05-2007, 06:23 AM

You're from Texas? So am I. I live in IL now, but I want to go back to Texas so bad! I just don't know how I can with everything up in the air. Custody of the kids. My husband doesn't have a job. I have a good job and I'm under Tyker/Xeloda. I can't do anything yet.

Melinda · 06-05-2007, 07:12 AM

Vanessa,

It sounds as tho your divorce will be somewhat amicable. However plese listen to the teleconference from April 22. It does mention some of the insurance issues that you are questioning, as well as your rights as an employee and wife.
My thoughts are with you.
Melinda
it may be wise to contact the CANCER LEGAL RESOURCE CENTER with specific questions. Here is the link to the teleconference
www.her2support.org/legal.mp3
Joanna L. Morales, Esq.
Director, Cancer Legal Resource Center
Disability Rights Legal Center
919 Albany Street
Los Angeles, CA 90015
(213) 736-8364 Direct #
(213) 736-1455 Main Line #
(213) 736-8310 TDD #
(213) 736-1428 Fax #
Joanna.Morales@lls.edu
www.disabilityrightslegalcenter.org
Knowledge is power and at all costs you want to protect yourself.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
MElinda