so much has happened

Joy · 04-03-2007, 12:13 PM

Wow you guys, I can't believe what has gone on in the past few days that I was gone. StephN, I'm so sorry about your family struggles and I am thinking of you all in the very best and warm ways. Sandy H. I had no idea that the tykerb was already a problem-what happened? Are you on xeloda still. How about the Doxil-I hope that does a number on those dumb mets!!! Esther-what the heck? I hope that new spot gets put in its place pronto and that the mercedes is driven into the ground, BY YOU! If anyone can... Rendi, I hope things get decided and go smoothly and successfully. And to everyone else out there I'm thinking of you and hoping only good things are happening.

I was on a vacation for 5 days and I didn't think about cancer once,not once. I have never done that- EVER in the past 7 years on vacation or otherwise. I didn't have random aches and pains that worried me either-nothin'. I can't tell you how liberating that was. I felt like a happy, normal (well-you know) person. When I walked through my front door Sunday night tears fell out of my eyes because cancer was the first thing I thought of and it hurt. How can I get to that place of just not thinking about it at all on a daily basis? It is obvious that I have the power, cause I did it, but how do I do it at home? Anyway, I'm having a hard time adjusting to reality and am concerned for so many of you in your realities.

Love to all of you!

chrisy · 04-03-2007, 12:54 PM

Joy,
You are such an amazing person - and so aptly named. I always look to you for hope and encouragement, and I see your strength in the face of all the sucky things. And that great sense of humor.

So, you proved to yourself that you can have a true 'cancer free' holiday! Thats terrific. It is incredible how a change of environment can effect such a dramatic change in your outlook. The old picture I had on here was a year ago when I had the same experience - a vacation where I somehow forgot all about cancer. It really is liberating. Sorry you felt slammed in the face when you opened that door to your home - the very place you should feel safe and loved.

I certainly don't have the answer of how to not think about it AT ALL on a daily basis - I'm not even sure that's a good idea. But maybe we can find ways to box it in - or out. Maybe create a room or a space with a big "NO CANCER ALLOWED" sign on it. A cancer-free zone. Maybe create times during the day that are like that. Sure sounds easier said than done, I know!

Or maybe I'll send my friend Pat over to see you - her daughter is at school in Ft. Collins. I guarantee you Pat will make you forget ALL about cancer (but you may need to change your name and leave town!)

In the meantime, I know you know that part of your reality is how many people love and care for you, including us here. Try wrapping that reality around you.

Take care
Chris

Carolyns · 04-03-2007, 02:22 PM

Joy,

First let me say that I am so happy that you had a GREAT vacation. I hope that you got lots of comments on your sassy new hair style.

Regarding how you feel at home, I was just asked that same thing by my spiritual / yoga instructor. I told her that I feel like cancer / cancer-land at home and I forget about cancer on vacation. She said that I really need to work on that. I know that I do but I don't know what to do. I love my home but it makes me think about cancer. Great observation. Let me know what you figure out.

Love, Peace, Hope and Gratitude,
Carolyns

KellyA · 04-03-2007, 02:33 PM

Joy,

I am sooo happy that you were able to really enjoy your vacation. What a wonderful thing. I long for a day (just one) where I can do that as well. You are such a positive person- don't be too hard on yourself. I have begun a new ritual every morning when I first wake up where I say aloud all of the things I am grateful for and blessed with. The blessings way outweigh the negatives and start my day out in a wonderful way. By the time my feet hit the floor to get out of bed, my outlook is very good (I have to lock my door though so I can do it without one of my brawling boys killing the moment :-) ). During my Yoga class, I imagine a giant eraser and pretend that it is erasing all aches and pains and bad thoughts. That works too. I go through alot of erasers, though. :-)

I will say a special prayer for you that you have endless vacations!

Love, Kelly

Emelie · 04-03-2007, 02:58 PM

So glad you had a great vacation! I am also glad to hear that there can be a time when I don't think about cancer. Thank you for sharing the hope that it can be a reality! I am in bed today trying to heal quickly from the MRM I had on Thurs. and I spend a lot of time on the internet looking at real estate in Denver. I am hoping the move there will be my vacation from cancer.
Keep smiling Joy and thanks for sharing your news.

naturaleigh · 04-03-2007, 02:58 PM

Joy,

You are such a great inspiration to me and everyone else on this board. Personally, I think your doctor needs to prescribe something else. . .

More Vacations!!!

Mary Jo · 04-03-2007, 03:46 PM

Oh Joy - you are such a sweetheart and as Chrissy said "so aptly named." You really are such a blessing to this board.

First off I want to say that I am so happy you had a relaxing and stress free vacation and you did not think about the "C" word even once. Now that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome. Now for the second part of your sentence and your question as to how NOT to think about the "C" word at home. OHHHHHHHHH, how I wish I knew the answer to that one. I guess if I did I'd be the million dollar lady, huh? BUT, what helps me through this "new normal" I live with is to pray often. That is my first and foremost priority of each day. Then I remind myself often (a million times a day sometime) that the only thing I do have control over is how I live my life. I can CHOOSE to be happy - CHOOSE to be positive - CHOOSE to be their for others - CHOOSE to be thankful for the life I've been given - CHOOSE to even be thankful for this road I walk. Even though it is scary OFTEN TIMES - even though it is DEPRESSING many days - it has taught me much. God has been and IS good to me. My life is what it is and I will rejoice in it for this is the Day the Lord has given to me and I will NOT LET cancer take that from me. I will rejoice - smile and grab a hold of today. Tomorrow isn't mine yet and only He knows our tomorrows so I will TRY and leave it with Him.

So Joy

take that for what it's worth. It's hard, I know (as do we all) but we can CHOOSE JOY

and darn it I'm going too. You want to join me???????????????????????

Thanks for your post! As I said before you truly are a JOY to all of us.

Love and hugs,

Mary Jo