Therapist anyone?

[jener8er]

I was just wondering if anyone here has sought help from a therapist? And what kind of therpist should someone diagnosed with BC look for? I'm not getting any kind of emotional support at home, and really need to talk to someone, can you guys tell me where to start looking? I do go to a support group but that's only once a month. I'm feeling like I need something more than that.

Thank you again
Jen

Hi:
I did in fact seek help from a profesisonal therapist after I completed chemo. I had a wonderful support system, great doctors, but no one really knew what feelings I had deep in my gut. I felt like my surgeon took care of surgery, onc. took care of chemo, plastic surgeon rebuilt my boobs, but no one in the medical profession ever asked "How are you doing mentally?" After I finished chemo, I felt a lump in my throat. It really scared me. My onc. sent me to an internist, who listened to my story and basically told me I was suffering from anxiety. The lump in my throat was caused from stress. No real lump, just a feeling. At that time, I knew I needed to deal with all I had been through over the past few months. For me, going through all the surgery and chemo, I felt like I was just in survival mode. I sought help from a therapist for about 6 months. I told him I wanted to learn to get rid of the stress of having had cancer. He told me, you will never get rid of the stress, but you will learn to deal with it and live with it. He was so helpful in my journey of healing. I also learned many things from him on dealing with stress in my life from family issues. His time and input changed my life. I wish more doctors would take the time to at least send us to someone to help us with our emotional well being. Sometimes I think if we didn't have the know how, stuff would never get done! I hope this helps and I would encourage you to find someone you can speak to. Someone you can open up to completely; it helps! P.S. My insurance paid for everything but my co-pay!

[Berta]

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and assistant Director of a community mental Health Center in Indiana. I've been practicing since 1977. I would recommend that you see either an LCSW or a PH.D psychologist. Ususally these two professions have more standardized training and licensing regulations. Make sure that the therapist is licensed and I would suggest that you ask for a referral from your onc. Surely you onc makes referrals to therapists on a regular basis. I think you'd be surprised how many people in our situation need professional help to get us through this emotionally. If you want to reply to me privately and let me know where you are located, I'll try to do a little research and help you locate a therapist. Good luck. BERTA

[margaret]

Hi Jen,

I wanted to tell you that I found an amazing amount of emotional help from a yoga teacher. I started doing accupuncture and yoga sessions and it really put me on a path to living differently. Yoga is more than just a physical exercise. It really can change your energy levels and release alot of old emotional wounds and fears. The fears still comes up but now I have a healthier way to handle them. I'd reccomend finding a good yoga teacher and doing some private sessions. It's worked for me.
Take care,
Margaret

[AlaskaAngel]

There was zero counseling provided when I was diagnosed, not even for understanding the basics of breast cancer, to help me make sense of any part of it. I have worked in the health care profession and still find it hard to accept that we are all just supposed to go it alone and figure it out the hard way.

If I had my way, there would be a counselor present when you get the diagnosis and when you talk with the surgeon and especially when you talk with the oncologist. The way things are now, the body gets treated but the mind and soul are left behind.

Berta, I brought up some of the sensitive issues related to breast cancer that need counseling (lack of sexuality as a result of treatment, etc., etc.) with both my internist and my onc. Not only did they NOT mention counseling at all, they simply sat and changed the subject. Both of these docs are excellent in their field. I thnk THAT is the basis for the question Jener8er has raised.

AlaskaAngel

I was diagnosed at 32 years old and my oncologist referred me to a psychiatrist to see weekly. It was good just to have someone who would listen about my fears and not tell me I should not feel this way. I now see my psychiatrist maybe twice a month. I got tired of having a book full of doctors appts. and testing. I just want to live my life as normal as possible. good luck to you.

[Kim in CA]

When I was first diagnosed in 1997 my daughter was just 12. Going through my stem cell transplant was probably harder on her( and all the rest of my family) than it was on me, because I was pretty much out of it with all my pain meds. Then in 2001 when the cancer came back to my liver and I was undergoing treatment again, I tried to be very positive and convince her that I was going to beat this thing and be here for her always. I thought she was doing OK, but one day I received a call from her very worried high school counselor because a couple of her friends had reported that they found a note where she had talked about suicide. It had never occurred to me to seek a therapist for her until that moment. She went for several months and was able to finally make sense of things and feel a little more secure about her life.

She is married now and has a little one who is the Light of our Lives! I am so relieved because I feel like she will be Ok no matter what happens now, but at the time I had no idea what a dark and desparate place she was in.

So I guess I am just saying to remember the kids too, cause they can conceal an awful lot when times are stressful for the family.

Kim in CA

[jener8er]

Thank you all so much. I asked my oncology nurse this morning and she said they don't really recommend anyone, but try the wellness community or support group so I will start there. I'm also going to look into someone for my kids to talk to, thank you so much for reminding me of that. My kids are 12, 10, 5 and 2 and it's the 10 year old that is holding it all in and having the hardest time. I will start looking today.

Also my onc this morning said I DON'T need a brain MRI unless I'm having any symptoms. So I guess I'll wait a while and then start having "headaches".

One more thing - does anyone else get a stomache ache after Herceptin? I just got back from my appt this morning and I have a bad ache right under my right rib cage. This happened last time too, but I thought then I was just sitting at the computer too long and got a cramp. This time it's come on much quicker - anyone else?

Thanks again for all your wonderful support - I don't know where else I'd go if wasn't for you guys!
Jen

[Julie]

Hi, I'm a licensed clinical psychologist who works with families of critically ill children. I am really pushing for oncologists to recognize how important it is to treat the mind as well as the body. Women in particular don't want to "burden" their families with their emotional pain, and frequently find themselves the comforters just when they need the most comfort. To anyone diagnosed with a serious illness: GO. Find a psychologist, social worker, support group - a safe place that is YOURS, where you can learn to manage the feelings that often seem overwhelming. This is all about you, and keeping yourself as strong and healthy as possible is about more than just the body.

Just my .02.

[mamacze]

Dear Jen,

What a kick in the gut this diagnosis has been for you. Right when you are wrapped up in midnight feedings; non stop activity all day long and I am sure in the throws of trying to resurrect a love life with your husband, you get kicked in the gut with this diagnosis. Your stage of life as a stand alone is stressful enough and certainly warrants counseling, but with this cancer hanging over your head and hopes, and invading your dreams; without a doubt; find SOMEONE to watch your 4 angels for an hour a week and get yourself to a trusted counselor. You may want to ask your hubby to join you so he doesn't feel left out. I too am a mama of 4 first diagnosed in 2001, with mets to the lungs in 2004 and of course my first thoughts, fears and worries were for my precious children. I have also learned even my quiet ones who seem fine are dwelling and worrying much more than I thought as I was busy putting on a "mama's fine and will take care of you" front. So you may want to mention your angels when you speak with your counselor to see what he/she thinks about including them.

Love
Kim from CT

[Berta]

Jen: you might call your local Community Mental Health Center. You may find that there are some good therapists there. Unfortunately, they may also have a waiting list but if so they should be able to refer you to a good therapist in your area. As long as you stick to seeing either an LCSW, a PH.D psychologist or a psychiatrist, your insurance will probably pay for at least part of it. I think its too bad that your onc couldn't refer you to someone. It's too bad when docs think of the mind as being seperate from the body. I'm sure they refer for any type of phyical problem.

I also had Herceptin today. I haven't noticed any stomach aches. I do get a little tired for the first 24 hours but other than that, I haven't noticed much. Good luck and I do think its a great idea to include the kids. Even my 21 y/o had a really hard time when I was diagnosed and I was so busy handling my own crisis, it took me a while to see it and I'm supposed to know how to spot those things.BERTA

[TriciaK]

Hello all! As a psychology professional myself I heartily agree with all the good advice about finding someone to talk to about all the emotional stresses cancer puts us through. I didn't think about outside counseling for myself when I was first diagnosed, because, after all, I am married to the world's best and most compassionate psychologist! However, on learning of my diagnosis another older psychologist at the same hospital asked if I would let him work in counseling with me. I said "okay" mostly because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. To my surprise I found a lot of comfort in counseling with him, because even though I thought I really didn't need another counselor, I realized there was a lot of pain and fear I was unconsciously holding back from my husband. Counseling for the children is really a good idea, but it may also be a good idea for a husband to seek counseling, too, or at least for a couple to do counseling together. The physical toll of fighting cancer is horrendous, but so are the emotional and spiritual and mental stresses on the whole family. It is a woman's nature to try to keep the rest of the family "up", often at the expense of her own emotional health. Counseling can be a tremendous help to everyone, and insurance should pay for it. If a professional counselor is not available, a clergyman can often be helpful. Thank you all for starting and adding to this topic; it should be a lot of help to all of us. Hugs, Tricia

[Lyn]

Hi Jen, I have thought about it on occassion and believe me I have had plenty of time over the last almost 8 years of constant treatment. I went to a therapist onece before this for depression and all I got was a lot of ah ha, ah ha, and now go home and write down all of your feelings and we will talk again. I have nothing against them but I think unless they walk in our shoes no one can possibily know all the emotions and feelings we have. I am still getting the, "You have to remain positive, you are strong" to the point now I say "WHY?" I have always looked well and thankfully have not had to go through what some of the ladies have experienced, but then again I have not had a break from this disease for any period longer than 3 months, I Have had over 10 different chemo drugs plus combinations, over 100 radiation sessions and popped that many pills and vitamins to combat all the other disasters I have encountered along the way, and I have found that my best therapy has been this Forum, with great thanks to Joe and Christine for making this possible, I can come on line anytime day or night, there is always someone on line around the world with a good, I can't say ear but insight of how we feel, willing to help us through this. I have had medical problems that the docs don't have answers for but you can bet there is someone out there who has had or knows someone who does and there is always an answer and the willingness of our online sisters and brothers who will do the research and help us through. I find just posting on this forum therapy, sometimes I will do a real long post and when I hit the submit button it disappears into cyber space, but what the heck I always feel better after. I find that a good mild non addictive anti-depressant helps. If you don't sleep you don't heal, and I make sure now I always sleep, if there is a problem worrying won't fix it for me and it will still be there for me to fix tomorrow and I will be rested at least. My greatest fear is leaving my family to fend for themselves if anything was to happen to me, now that is something to worry about in my house. Hope this helps, and thanks again Christine and Joe, I swapped the names around this time, you are both equally important to us and we love you both dearly.

Love & Hugs Lyn.

[Kim in CA]

Lyn,

I couldn't agree with you more. Ever since my first recurrence and finding this site in 2001, it has felt like my lifeline. It is the only place where I feel like everyone here can totally appreciate what I am feeling. People have always asked if I attend support groups and I am quick to tell them about my Her2 family! I even carried on and gave the group quite a plug when I was interviewed up in Seattle at one of my vaccine appts., by the local TV news. Unfortunately, they must have decided not to run that piece (hope it wasn't anything I said!) cause we never saw it.

Christine and Joe you really are my heros!

Love Kim

[edie]

Jen,


I belong to a local Glida's club, you can go on the internet and see if one is in your area at www.gildasclub.org they are a wonderful and free resource.

My local Gilda's offer over 130 meetings a month, they have cancer specific meetings , general meetings, meetings for family members, free child care so you can attend meetings in a wonderful place called "noogieland" (you'll get it if you remember gilda on snl). It is a fabulous place, I hope you have one near you.

Also, a few hospitals in our area also offer meetings, you don't have to be a patient there to participate.

Hope this gives you some other suggestions.

Good Luck,
Edie

[Lyn]

Hi, I forgot to mention that I am a memeber of a Breast Cancer Support Group, about 4 years now, and I must say I think they have lost the plot, I say I am a member but I haven't been to a meeting since 2003, that was when somehow I got roped into the position of organising the entertainment for our very first Local "Mini Field of Women" I ended up in hospital with heart failure in three valves in the middle of it all but I still managed to delegage. It started because I mentioned my brother in law was involved in sound production and lighting as a profession and he might know entertainers. I attended for about an hour on the day but ended up back in hospital the next day. I was contacted the following August to tell me they hadn't done anymore for the upcoming event because they quote "didn't want to take my baby away from me", like any mother with a screaming child, please take it from me. So I told them to contact everyone who helped the previous year and take it from there. there was no budget the first year at all, so just about everything was donated. The following year went well and they had funds for that, this year it got cancelled the day before due to heavy rain. You might think what is my problem, the problem was that the whole group was about fund raising, each second meeting there would be a speaker, but lets face it what has Scrap Booking go to do with BC support, then to top it off, they held a garage sale to raise money for the children's hospital, where I ask is the support for women. I told them they should consider giving vouchers to ladies to spend in a lingerie shop on mastectomy bras, they are not cheap, anything that might be of some support and I don't mean support bras, it just came out that way, needless to say with all of my treatments I usually can't go anyway. I get the newsletters and I have bumped into a few ladies who have also dropped off the radar and they agree, it is brilliant they can raise money and give some of it to Cancer research, and that doesn't necessarily mean BC either, so there must be some good groups out there, but not in my area. Like I said before this has been the best therapy for me, with all of the friends, love and support brought together by Christine and Jo, what more
can we ask for. The other thing I realised at the support group was that hardly anyone had much treatment and only basic surgery and no mets, I was the freak with always something happening, and apart from being told if you need anything let us know and an occasional e-mail telling me of great things in the pipeline like "Herceptin" please, they haven't heard of one half of the treatments I have had, so for me this is it.
Love & Hugs Lyn

[Christine]

There are usually are breast cancer support groups at your local Medical Centers. The larger Hospitals attract more attention. Call and find out, or call your local American Cancer Society for locations.