Breast cancer, along with many other cancers and other diseases, is ultimately a failure of the immune system to recognize and "nuke" abnormal cancer cells. Immunologists have a much better grasp on this than I do and have only recently discovered that the brain actually communicates directly with the immune system. This is a promising area of research and may eventually unravel some of the mystery surrounding breast cancer.
At the current time, all the scientific community is able to do is to diagnose and treat it. As Ihalper said, there is no cure. Studies only show results for percentages. If you happen to be one of the percentage for whom a given treatment works, all the better. Because they don't really understand how it develops in the first place, they don't know if it will come back, where, and for whom. Plus, every individual is different--every part of them. What may be the cause of the abnormal cancer cells for one person may not be the same as for another person. That's why the percentages differ. All doctors can go on are percentages and keep their fingers crossed. This, IMO, is why it's so critical for individual patients to learn as much about the disease and their own bodies as possible--to help their doctors help them.
Apparently, many women who get recurrences do so largely because of the behavior of their HER-2 gene. But that likely doesn't explain the whole picture about how and why they got it. I'm in a doctoral program and am looking into areas such as psychoneuroimmunology but there's a lot of territory to cover and I'm only one person and only halfway through my program. There's so much more to learn and know and that just takes time.
However, I will say that from what I've discovered, I strongly suspect that reaction to stress plays a large part. There are too many instances of people with "fatal" disease who completely recover and live out the remainder of their life disease-free, to discount the role of the brain and mind (and spirit) in the mix. But exactly what and how is a tall order and likely many years away from completely understanding to the point of being able to eradicate this disease.
A big part of the equation is having the will (as a society) to end this disease--much like AIDS, Alzheimer's, and Parkinson's. Sadly, because breast cancer largely affects women, that will has not been there until recently (much like the lack of interest in finding a cure for AIDS until activism reached a critical mass). I think that will is steadily growing and will continue to grow as more people become aware, get diagnosed, are diagnosed earlier and have the benefit of years to become activists.
An individual will that's determined to survive is probably the best "medicine" going. I highly recommend reading a book "The Whisper in Your Heart" to learn how one woman diagnosed as terminal was able to overcome her disease and over 15 years later is alive and well. It's a true story as I know the author (not the woman but the therapist who worked with her).
I'm pleased to encounter a man who gets it and truly cares. Just keep asking the questions and demanding answers to them! And my very best wishes to your wife.
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