Alot of emotion on the board

[michele u]

It seems like everyone is on edge this week. It is good that we have each other to express some of these feelings. I wanted to share an experience i've had this week. A friend of mine lost her brother, he was 32 years old. He died in his sleep from acute pancreatitis. I asked my doctor i work how this could happen. He probably was having some stomach trouble. I emailed my friend and told her what i felt. I told her about my dx of breast cancer and what we have to live with everyday. Thinking about death and how long we have left with our children. All of us are mortal. Sometimes thinking about dying can be unlenting and unbearable. I told her really, that all of us can only hope to go the way he did.

An acquaintance of mine, a man in his 80's, recently woke up to find that his wife had died in her sleep after having gone to bed the night before with a "stomach ache".

I think you are right, Michele. Until we or someone we know dies or has a disease that can turn deadly we feel immortal. Then we discover that we really do want to figure out more clearly how best to "spend" time.

XXXX OOOO

A.A.

[Lolly]

There's a saying, I think it's Irish:

"To die in your sleep is like a kiss on the heart from God."

I've thought about that a lot in the last five years, and we've had several friends who've died suddenly from heart attacks since I've had cancer and so help me I've been a little envious.

<3,
Lolly

When I was first diagnosed there was a women on TV with BC, she was very depressing and said, the thing with BC is that it will get you in the end. I too wish I didn't know I had it because every day when I get dressed I am reminded of what I do have, then young lives are suddenly taken every day with accidents, I only dread that I will not by lieing around helpless, saying goodbye for the last time to family and friends. Two young men from my oncology unit recently passed away and both had young families and asked the palliative care nurse how do I tell my kids I am dieing, another young women with BC in her early 30's didn't want to be a burden on the staff so she tried to do as much as she could without help, she too had a young son and the last time I saw her she looked really well, she had been on a holiday at the beach. I don't ask this paticular nurse how acquaintences are going because 3 out of 3 is getting too much. I am NED again for how long this time is only a guess, but I am in my 8th year of treatment and I was only expected to last 2-3 at best. I have to take anti-depressants, mine are not addictive as a drug but if I don't take them I just exist without any drive or look forward to anything let alone plan ahead. I use to go to a clairvoient regularly since the age of 25, she was always accurate, she did not predict this for me she left it out or she did not know because in her predictions over the years things had not been around, for i nstance she told me my husband would be in the take-away business, later he had his own video shop, they weren't in Australia at t he time, she did tell me I was determined and strong willed so I keep that in mind, and I think this was her way of telling me I would not give up.

Hugs Lyn

Hi Ladies,

Here's 2 cents from someone who isn't dying of cancer (that I know of) but lives with someone who is.

When Linda was diagnosed, time seemed to stop. I've spent a lot of time trying to understand the psychology of cancer and have run across some life-changing quotes:

"I will get more out of cancer than cancer will take from me", meaning; discovering your own mortality changes the way you interact with people and experience life.

"Why did it take my getting cancer to undersatnd how happy I really am and how much I really have", my wife said that and it's true! How many people go through life (or should I say life flashes past them) without ever discovering the meaning of haviing kids, or having ones who love you?

All what I am saying here is that my life is not unlike yours. because if Linda goes so does a gigantic part of me but what we have learned is that everyday is special and why waste it on worrying about your own mortality?

Take care,

Al