Accepting help from others

[bjj]

You sound like me! I have awful problems not only asking for help but just accepting it when it is offered. A diagnosis of BC hasn't changed that - I still find it hard. My partner says that I am ridiculously independent. I have found though that people want to help, they don't necessarily know what to do or to say re breast cancer (or any other kind!) - I have had some strange remarks (I think the funniest one was someone telling me she knew just how I felt because she had a hysterectomy 5 years ago!) - but by doing something practical they feel they are helping and being supportive.

I went by train to radiotherapy (I live in the UK) and towards the end fell asleep both ways. You really shouldn't drive towards the end. Try very hard to accept the help - I used to think about turning into an outing for the person coming with me - lets have lunch, coffee and cake etc, bit of shopping - whatever - then it turns into a treat for them too. When my partner came with me we used to do a sightseeing thing - radiotherapy was in London. Somedays it was something very small but a little something to make me feel I was giving something back too - hope that makes a bit of sense.

Feel for you - it's hard.

Love

bjj

[lisahammo]

Hi Susan

That is exactly how I felt through radiation. I found it more difficult than chemo. I was about an hour away also, with a 2 1/2 y.o. son, and just felt that I had to do everything myself. After my treatment was over, I ended up having a disagreement with a friend, as I felt he had abandoned me. It came back and hit me in the face that I had been turning my friends away. The only way they could help was to do something practical like driving or dinners, and I was turning them all away. They felt useless and in the way, so they stopped ringing, so as not to annoy me. Of course the situation got worse, until I realised MY mistake. I didn't speak to a few friends for a few months, but things are fine now, and I have learnt to accept help. It is one of the hardest things as a woman to do.

Be kind to yourself, and accept it. It helps everyone in the long run.

Take care.

Love Lisa

[Patty H]

I recently had radiation and it was an hour away. My friends met me for breakfast and they all signed my calendar for days they could take me. I had to have 33 treatments and my husband couldn't take that many days off. I cried all weekend having to ask for help. People don't realize how hard it is to ask for help and it's something we really have to learn to do. It's like a life lesson. My daughter said Mom don't you realize that we all want to help and you have never let us! Through this cancer I have learned how much I needed my family and friends. Before this, my goal was to be completlyl independent. I even bought luggage small enough, that if I were ever to travel alone, that I could lift and carry. With the cancer I was compleetely knocked on my butt. I have, had to learn what a blessing and how important freinds and family are and that they really do want to hepl. Not saying I still have conquered this. Patty H