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Re: Cancer and marriage
Hey there,
I actually know exactly what you feel like but I wasn't married. I was in a 5 year long relationship and we had planned to marry since we have a son. I was just waiting for him to get his act together, which never happened. I was diagnosed when my son was 18 months old, I had sold my baking business and had launched a new company. My partner was unemployed and didn't seem to be motivated to do something about it. When cancer came into the picture I needed him to really step up and get a job but also be there for me. Unfortunately neither happened and I threw him out my 3rd dose of AC. It was a very tough time but I just needed support around me not baggage. Everyone thought I was insane. But as I told people, cancer was like a light switch that got turned on in my dark house. All of a sudden I realized just how badly I needed to do some serious house cleaning. I also changed with cancer, my level of tolerance diminished. So for me it was imperative that I remove him from my immediate surroundings. He was adding to the crap in my life.
However, I can tell you that if I loved him and we had a good relationship going into my diagnosis, I would of sought out counseling for us. Cancer is extremely hard on us but even harder on the ones who love us. I have some family members that just didn't know what to do and our relationship became, well, awkward. But I don't fault them because I know it's hard. I would strongly suggest therapy. What saved me during the debacle of my relationship was my therapist. I see her once a week. I felt like my family and others were doing the best they could to listen and be there for me but I needed more.
I would also see if your husband would be open to seeing a couple's therapist as it may be helpful to have someone guide your communication and perhaps unravel some issues.
__________________
DX 10/2011
PET Scan + MRI 10/2011
Lumpectomy 11/11/11
Stage 2B +++ ER+(10%), PR+(5%), HER2+++(1 positive node, 1 micromets to second node)
AC started 12/2011 ended 1/2012
Taxol + Herceptin weekly for 12 weeks ended 4/2012
30 zaps of radiation done 6/2012
Tamoxifen 6/2012
every 3 weeks of Herceptin for another year.
Metformin Trial 8/12
10/12 MRI- CLEAR
01/13 BRAIN MRI- CLEAR!
01/13 Neck MRI- CLEAR!
FINISHED HERCEPTIN 1/9/2013...Woot Woot
Starting Walter Reed Vaccine Trial 2/13
CT Scans + ultrasound of abdomen CLEAR-5/13
02/2015 through 11/2015 emergency D&Cs for Tamoxifen induced uterine polyps which caused uncontrollable hemorrhaging
12/2015 blood clot to left leg caused by Tamoxifen. No longer taking it. On Xarelto, a blood thinner
12/2015 Ablation to prevent hemorrhaging from potential issues with Tamoxifen residue in my system
1/2016 continuing journey without hormonal therapy. Reevaluating the option of a hysterectomy and oopherectomy.
4/1/2018 2mm stroke. Yes, stroke! No cause ever found but they believe it was a migraine that went bonkers and created a tiny clot. No deficits. I was back to normal with 24hrs. Now on baby aspirin for life.
7/27/2018 hysterectomy and oopherectomy
01/07/2019 Mastectomy and expanders put in
3/22/2019 Vtach, almost died. Cause unknown.
7/22/2019 New perky boobs put in
7/21/2020 Off of all drugs but a baby aspirin because of the stroke in 2018.
www.mychemobag.org
www.facebook.com/mychemobag
8 YEARS NED
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