Cancer Care Package...what would you put in it?

RhondaH · 10-08-2011, 06:34 PM

Hello friends, it has been so long since I have posted here (though I do read posts and pray for you all regularly), I just found out that a cousin of mine was just diagnosed with breast cancer and I would like to put together a care package for her. She is ER-, PR- and Her2? so it is known that at the least she will have chemo and possibly rads and like I told her, everyone handles this differently and because of this, I know what people gave me to help me get through it, but what things did you have to help you get through initial dx and treatments that you appreciated? Thanks everyone and take care.

Debbie L. · 10-08-2011, 07:02 PM

Rhonda said: "I know what people gave me to help me get through it, but what things did you have to help you get through initial dx and treatments that you appreciated?"

Rhonda, for me it was nothing to do with "things", at least ones that came in a package. It was the friends who kept in touch, didn't gush, despair, nor put me on that pedestal. It was the ones who continued to include me in the day-to-day stuff of friendship and life. Sharing their high and low points, and giving me opportunity to do the same (but not making me feel obligated to do so).

Debbie Laxague

Mary Jo · 10-08-2011, 08:06 PM

Hi Rhonda....I thought of these few things - a good fiction book...a devotion book.....chap stick.....some nice lotion.....a pretty scarf.....some gift cards to restaurants.....sucking candy........

Othersccan add to this list

ljbm · 10-08-2011, 08:48 PM

Here are a few things that I found helpful. If you are going to a large cancer center, bring a rollling back pack or small rolling carry on case. Fill it with a bottle of water, snacks of our choice, puzzle books (crossword etc), small travel pillow, lotion, chapstick, wet wipes, hand sanatizer, gum, magazine or book to read. If you do needle work or something like that, take some of that along. I packed fresh fruit-grapes were my favorite. It helped not having to carry everything in my purse. I usually just left my purse behind and put everything in the cart. Don't get in a hurry. Hospitals live on a different time zone. Just take it a little at a time. Prayers for all.

BonnieR · 10-08-2011, 08:59 PM

A blank journal.

Jackie07 · 10-08-2011, 11:12 PM

Flowers

Beewax (chapstick)

Books on healing/positive thinking/endorphin and neuroimmunology

Stuffed animals

Notebook/note cards/cards/pen

Gift card/prepaid phone card

harrie · 10-09-2011, 01:08 AM

a little angel.....or a special gemstone.

Debbie L. · 10-09-2011, 07:53 AM

I'd forgotten about the stone. (thanks Harrie)

Before my mastectomy, a group of friends held a small, smooth stone, while thinking of me and sending healing energy. One of them made a tiny drawstring bag for it and gave it to me. It's not a gemstone or anything -- just a rock. But 10 years later it's still circulating. It's gone to many people over the years, during times of difficulty. Our daughter just got it back (with thanks) from her friend whose husband had it during his treatment for glioblastoma. It's surprisingly comforting to hold.

If someone has deep pockets, and she doesn't already have these things -- a kindle (or other brand) and credit so your cousin can choose her own books? Or (even deeper-pocket) an ipad or other tablet? One friend said that she gets SO much enjoyment from sharing her photos (with her ipad) as she makes the medical rounds from app't to app't and chats with people and caregivers. Maybe the family could go in together.

Debbie

AlaskaAngel · 10-09-2011, 11:09 AM

When my older sister was diagnosed with a second cancer recently, we got together with our other sister at an exceptionally beautiful place for a weekend, all to ourselves (pets allowed of course), and did walks and talks and picnicked together.

Like "Pray" here, I put together a couple of books (John Link's among them, and Dr. Susan Love's), and then also made a binder with sections and pockets for the different specialty docs she would be seeing (general oncology, rads, PCP) with a writing pad in it and a calendar that had room on the bottom of each monthly page for a few notes. I think it helps to build confidence by having an organized way to keep track of all the information one deals with in answering questions and making appointments on the run. Whenever she ran into problems, she and her daughters were able to go over what was in the binder together and figure out from what was in it what else she needed to ask for, and what had happened over time. It helped to keep them all on the "same page", even though not all of them were there for everything she went through. I also started a pocket in it for photographs and they helped her keep very real track of her progress, and she was able to use them several times with her different physicians as well, to keep them on track.

AlaskaAngel

chekmark · 10-09-2011, 11:38 AM

I had people coming out of the woodwork with gifts, cards, literature, food etc. I personally did want not want anything associated with cancer especially literature and cd's. I could not eat cuz I was a nervous wreck and lost 30 lbs before I even started any treatment. I found that I could only tolerate the people that had a happy story not a bad one. (You all know who they are). Why would people even tell you such a story. The things I got the most use out of was a lady I had just met recently was a 5 and 10 yr survivor and was very encouraging to speak to, she brought me a basket with thank you cards, pens, socks, chap stick, johnsons baby soap since our skin is so sensitive during chemo, headbands for after chemo etc. It was great, I used the thank you cards but of course sent her a special one. I still wear the socks and the chapstick is gone. Everyone is different. I also received not 1 but 2 prayer shawls which I cherish. I hated the pink ribbons and such. I am the first in my family to have breast cancer and I have always donated for breast cancer and did walks. I was all for a cure but when I got it I did not want to be constantly reminded of it. I was struggling enough. This is my personal outlook of course, some people just want to be so caught up in it. I panicked cuz I read so much. Hope all goes well with your cousin. Please keep us informed. It is fortunate that she has someone that has been there done that to talk to. God bless. Darlene

Westcoastgirl · 10-09-2011, 12:42 PM

I too had women coming from all over with gifts for me when first diagnosed. I was overwhelmed by people's generosity and caring. Women I did not even know called and came to visit. I was given two gifts that meant a lot to me. One was a beautiful blanket that I used to cuddle in when feeling ill. The other gift that was especially caring was prepared meals. Recently when a friend was to go through chemo yet again I had to think of this very question as to what I would like to give to her. I chose the gift of meals. My husband and I made several lovely meals (ones that I knew might be better tolerated by someone not feeling very well) and froze them. I also included a frozen pie. We thought it was a gift not only for her but for her wonderful husband as well. It is not only we women that do this journey and sometimes it seems harder on the caregivers than the persons in charge; that would be we survivors. Take care, Carolyn

chekmark · 10-09-2011, 01:22 PM

I was grateful for everything that I received and the just hearing from the people I had not heard from in years. My husband found the foood and pies a very special treat. I wanted to add that I hope I did not sound harsh in my first post. Not meant to.

Westcoastgirl · 10-09-2011, 02:06 PM

Darlene, you did not sound harsh at all, just honest. I found the "helpful" hints as to how to beat cancer sent my way unhelpful, ground up spinach, asparagus or something like that....I also did not enjoy books given to me or personal stories of fatality that they had to share, but apart from a few things, the caring was overwhelming and one thing I learned from this whole cancer experience is what incredible creatures we women are. All the best, Carolyn

NEDenise · 10-09-2011, 03:42 PM

Darlene,
I didn't find your post to be harsh at all! It was full of honesty...always a good thing, in my view...and it was witty too.
I was given prayer shawls also, and I love them!! It's a little like a portable hug that I can get anytime I need it.

Lots of great ideas in this thread ladies!! I hope none of my friends need a cancer care package, but if they do...I'll be using these wonderful ideas!
thanks for your gererosity!
Denise

Pray · 10-09-2011, 09:42 PM

Just a couple of things I personally did not know how to appreciate. (I'm sure many hear did.)

When a saw my plastic surgeon for the first time he spent more than and hour with my husband and I and then I was given a beautiful little silver box with a lovely pink ribbon wrapped around it. I remember thinking what a nice man my ps was. When I got in my car and opened it, it was a lovely silver bracelet with what I thought were tiny pink roses. When I brought it close to me I saw it was little pink ribbons. I yelled I did not want to be in this club! and threw it on the floor a refused to pick it up.

Then I started to receive pink ribbon scarfs, books, candles, blankets, pens, pins stationary you name it I got. I thanked everyone politely and when they left I put every last bit of it in a box and hid it. It is still hidden to this day. Am I ashamed today? Of coarse I am. I'm still looking for that box! (You know how you put something away in a safe place and it is so safe you forget where it is? That's what I did. I have a great many safe places that I have know idea where they are.) Ok now I am rambling!

Any way last night I went out to eat with my family and the restaurant we were at had a bowl of pink bracelets for Oct. BC Awareness and my son bought two of them one said hope He gave that one to me to ware and said he wanted me to where it until I was NED for five years and the other said survivor which he will ware and on the 5th year he would switch with me! God is good all of the time! Needless to say I will where it everyday till then.

Gods Blessings to everyone here

RhondaH · 10-10-2011, 05:32 AM

Thank you all ladies. One thing that I remembered last night that I really used were my grandmothers old handkerchiefs, as when my eyelashes fell out, tissue would break apart and get in my eyes...SO I picked out a lovely one that my grandmother (her GREAT grandmother as her mother is my 1st cousin) had crocheted lace on (this handkerchief has to be about 75 years old as my grandmother was born in 1892) and am going to send it along with all your other BEAUTIFUL suggestions. Also, I (like a few of you) feel the same way about the pink ribbons and I have already expressed this to my cousin (I TOO have them tucked in a drawer in a little bag) and that while appreciated (though I've gotten frustrated with some people who STILL give me a pink ribbon for EVERY holidayl) I feel that while I HAD breast cancer, it was only a "part" of my life and it does not define me, nor do I want to give it recognition. My dads lady friend gave me a GORGEOUS Swaroski crystal one when I was first dx and I DO wear it every time I get a mammogram, but that is it. Thank you again and I love you all.

Sheila · 10-10-2011, 06:26 AM

Rhonda....this is an amazing thread....the nicest gift I got was from a dear friend, a book called Uplift, Secrets of the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors by Barbara Delinski....it was tucked in to a soft pair of PJ's (button Front), a pair of fluffy footies, and homemade chocolate chip cookies.....I just gave the book to my sister, with a pair of PJ's, Footies, and warm cookies....the other useful gifts she loved were a 8x10 calander planner for appts and Dr.'s cards, even had a pouch for lab papers, scan results, and a journal and thank you notes.

I love the idea of the homemade hanky from your Grandma....the people my sister worked with at the high school also had meal makers lined up for her for 3 weeks, so every night, one of them would bring the evening meal to her house....after a week, she felt good enough to cook on her own, but what a caring gesture that was! And she got to see the culinary talents of many she worked with!

sarah · 10-10-2011, 10:01 AM

~Fantastic idea. I'm going to suggest to our support group here that we put a list together, also maybe suggestions for friends and family.
After the big surgery, I couldn't read or watch movies so I loved the audio books and music I was given to distract me. Also a scented small pillow to take away any hospital smells and a stuffed animal. Also loved waking up to a room filled with flowers - thought I was in a florist's shop - didn't know I had that many friends!!!
During chemo, read lots of books, that was a great pleasure. but another personality might prefer a video game or ?
I think it's important to know if the person is alone or has a partner, that can make a big difference.
Also I think a newly diagnosed person needs a cancer buddy, someone who's been through it and can give them morale support.
what annoyed me! when I was first diagnosed, all my sweet friends called to ask me what I had and what I had decided to do, they meant well but it was depressing talking about it over and over so I wrote an email to them all saying thanks but I'll email you when I know more. They understood and respected my wishes. I also said I didn't want anyone to visit me in the hospital except my husband.

snolan · 10-10-2011, 10:44 AM

My best friend created a call tree, on the nights I got my chemo a different friend would bring dinner over for the family. It kept me in touch with people and allowed them to see I was not totally incapacitated. But it helped take the stress off my husband when he need to be there for me. I also received gift cards to eat which helped again when I was not feeling well.