Holding on to the lessons
Hi Pink!
Thanks for coming out of THINGS TO THINK ABOUT OTHER THAN BREAST CANCER -- way over here. I am teasing you, my sweet friend.
I recall, back in '77, my father died suddenly. Well he had been very sick for several years, but I think death is always so stunning that we feel like it is sudden.
Anyway, I lived on Long Island at the time. At the very start of the winter the dark brown paint on the front door of my house chipped. It was ugly. And the first thing I saw as I came and went (as a busy mom with a 7 and 9 yr old). Darn that nasty chipped paint, right in my face! Everyday. It annoyed the heck out of me. Adding insult to injury, I was informed that I had to wait till spring to repaint and repair. DRAT. I was ever frustrated by this untidy matter.
Then my dad died, and as I would walk into my house I noted that the chipped paint meant not a whit, in the scheme of things. I no longer cared. My Father was gone from this earth. I missed him. This was a matter of importance, not the other thing. I held on to that wisdom (guess kind of like not sweating the small stuff) for a long while. Slowly, it began to slip away.
I agree Pink One, why do we need constant reminding of Life Lessons? Geez. In the same life yet!
Bc of course kind of brought me back to earth, so to speak. And, then the recurrence further etched Lessons into my brain and my heart. Plus, as you say, my tumor marker issue created a total resurgence of my need to celebrate each day. I was kind of doing that, but it was also kind of slipping away. I AM PRESENT NOW! I AM BACK! HELLO *NOW*!!!!!!
I will ponder this and get back to you on why it is we don't hold on to the Lessons for longer. Any suggestions??? Anyone????? Good topic. Interesting. I think...
Hey Steph -- over there in LIVING WHILE WAITING, ME TOO -- you'd be perfect (if you can find the time pre travel) to offer some outlook on this issue. You being newly freed and on hiatus from Vit H and all...
Have a fab trip, BTW. It's sounds divine!
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...
'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...
Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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