Mixed Emotions....

Mary Jo · 09-09-2008, 12:23 PM

Hello everyone,

I felt the need to comment after reading Maryls' response to Andi's thread. Marlys said that she often feels guilty often times because she is doing so well while others are not so that it is hard for her to share her good fortune. I felt it important to respond because I think many of us who are doing well feel the same way as she does.

Speaking for myself, I know that I too (at times) find it difficult to share what might be weighing in on my heart on a particular day when others burdens seem so much heavier than what I might be experiencing.

However, after reading Marlys' reply and thinking about how I feel sometimes as well, I felt it important to say that I believe that's what makes our board and our life unique. We are all different - we are all going through different things - we have all had cancer or have cared for those who do - we all are at a different place as far as our disease goes BUT the one thing we all have in common is that WE WANT TO LIVE. We want to be healthy. We care for each other in a very real way and we all want to learn as much about this disease and it's treatment's as we can. Also, we have many new members join our board each day, and there is hope from each of us to offer to them. If you are stage 4 - look at how well many of you are doing - that brings hope to those just diagnosed with stage 4. For those of us who were early stage and are currently NED we offer that hope that it is possible for this stuff not to come back and that the challenges of treatment are worth it and can pay off.

Anyway, I certainly do understand what Marlys is saying because I feel as she does often times. Who wants to toot their own horn, as it were, when someone else is not doing well. No one does. But, we need to share what's innermost in our hearts to keep this board real (but only if we share NICELY -

) and for those of us who are doing well - we too need that encouragement from time to time as well. Only another sister or brother who walks our road can truly understand our sorrows but also our joys. We need to share those as well. Afterall, living with a cancer diagnosis has it's own issues all on it's own. So let each of us share our hearts. Let's bring our joys and our sorrows so each of us can hold each other up. Some of us may be light as a feather with burdens - so easy to hold up - but others may need every hand possible to hold them up - so we must.

Love to all of my sisters and brothers on this board.

Mary Jo

AlaskaAngel · 09-10-2008, 09:26 AM

Very well said; thanks, Marejo.

-AlaskaAngel

DonnaD · 09-10-2008, 09:33 AM

We are a family that shares a special bond that others can not understand. Being a family means sharing joys and concerns.

Thinking and praying for Marie and Ed today and rejoicing with Michelle, Barb, Joan and Sheila for their 5 year Cancerversary and Christine and Andi for going solo without Herceptin.

Donna

Becky · 09-10-2008, 04:07 PM

Well said Marejo.

kcherub · 09-10-2008, 04:15 PM

There are lots of other boards out there, but this is the ONLY one that I feel I can come to when I need to whine, worry, or just "be".

Although I sometimes feel like I shouldn't complain (being Stage 1), I am so overcome every time someone responds to me--either validating or reassuring me.

Great post, girl.

Take care,

SoCalGal · 09-10-2008, 04:55 PM

I agree. Recently I felt the same way about going to my support group. Felt funny about going there basically healthy while so many others come in so very sick. But then I realized that I look forward to seeing everyone one and all and when the healthy girls show up it just reinforces the miracles of life to me. Plus they bring their good energy to the group which helps when others are so very depleted. So I agree - I always like to read everything about everyone and truly wish each person well. xo xo Flori

Bill · 09-10-2008, 05:26 PM

Awesome post, Marejo.

PinkGirl · 09-10-2008, 05:27 PM

Well said Marejo, and well said Marlys. Unfortunately we have
our sad times on this board and especially so this year. There
are times when I think I can't take any more losses but then
something draws me back in. I think it's us - the people. We are
all friends now and it is very hard to walk away from your
friends. Marlys, this has been an especially difficult year but
I think it is all part of the balance - we will have ups and downs
and hopefully always be here for each other.

eric · 09-10-2008, 05:56 PM

I agree that your post was very well said and approproate. I understand the feeling since, when Caryn was NED I felt guilty posting positive news. The irony is that when I did, it became apparent that many were lifted by it. The reality is that there is such a diversity of experiences going on that the positive and negative experiences are all important to share. I've always found this board to made up by incredibly unselfish and supportive people, regardless of her or his situation.

Joan M · 09-10-2008, 06:35 PM

Marejo, thanks for this post. I agree with Pink about the difficulty with recent losses on the board, and the same is true in my local group. I lost two friends this year but I keep going back because everyone is special in their own way, which is the same here. There is both good and bad news, and it's good to be able to share both without being judged by others.

Gerri · 09-10-2008, 07:25 PM

I feel exactly the same way Mary Jo. What do I know about fear when so many of the men and women on this board face so much more? But, you are right, we all share a common bond and through the joys and sorrows find solidarity with each other.

Debra · 09-10-2008, 08:57 PM

So true -

I don't post very often at all but everyday I check up on everyone to see how they are doing. I believe the reason I don't post is because I often feel I don't have anything to contribute in a wise sense and that I am doing "okay" for now so any questions or comments I may have seem so trivial. However, everyday, I jump on the computer just to check in and see how everyone is doing. Sometimes I hold my breath. Sometimes it is late at night when I check in and I see a post that indicates someone is not doing well or got bad news and then I cry myself to sleep. Not because I fear for myself but because I feel that connection with everyone on board.

I guess I am just another one of those "silent members to the site"!

Good post Marejo.

harrie · 09-10-2008, 11:53 PM

Good to hear from you Debra. So glad you posted.

Well written MaryJo! There are so many level of joys and challenges and what makes this site so special and important is that it provides a connection among all of us. It is so good to know that we are not alone and we can get through this part of our lives together.

Sheila · 09-11-2008, 05:43 AM

Marejo
Great post...we are there as a bond...good news or bad...believe me, I rejoice when I see others with great news...it gives us all hope, and everyone here can learn from those who seem to be continually fighting....we are here in all stages, all ages, all different treatments, and all different outcomes, but this disease has joined us a a close knit group...and it is in the best of times and the worst of times that we become strong and unified!

StephN · 09-11-2008, 12:12 PM

Our dear founders of this site have often expressed that they view these boards as an extension of their own Living Room. (I well understand this concept, as my husband and I had an upscale French restaurant and we ALSO considered it as an extension of OUR living room!)

In anyone's living room many people will pass. Some will be close like family or well-liked neighbors, others will be new acquaintences who are fleeting. Some will be the picture of health and a lot of fun to be around, others will be of a serious bent and others elderly or feeble.

Any family or neighborhood has a fairly complete mix of people and this board is no different.

Take a look at the "Just For Fun" thread where posters have shared more about who they are and where they come from.

Any given family will have someone who is the "go to" person in case of various events or problems. This board is a "go to" place where just about anything can be spoken about, and the "go to's" here will respond.

I think it is really OK and actually healthy to have a mix of emotions, but not to be sad too often. However, I have felt that as I have "lost" so many friends and acquaintences to this disease over the years, I have to stay involved for my own selfish reasons. I must overcome the sad days, and concentrate on the living. It is a way of strengthening my inner core to keep going on myself, in spite of all that this disease has wrought on my body. My mind and my emotions/spirit are MINE and this disease can not control those parts of me. NO, NO, NO.

Patb · 09-11-2008, 03:03 PM

We are all fighting our own battles, including breast
cancer but it is so wonderful to hear good news and
so sad to hear bad but this is what happens in all
families of man and the support is what is wonderful.
Thanks for the great post. We all sleep better when
we know others are out there that care. This makes
us stronger to take on other battles in our life such
as side effects that happen to some, not others or
just the fatigue and weight gain, etc. Cheers to all.
patb

juanita · 09-11-2008, 05:12 PM

I agree! And when we lose one of our dear sisters my heart is so broken and I feel guiltier than before. I just thank God I'm still healthy, say a prayer for the family and go on with my life.

fullofbeans · 09-17-2008, 05:19 PM

If we were all very sick we could not look after each other..

I also feel extremely lucky and sometimes it is nice for me to not look at the board for a while because it brings home some truth but that is life.. at other time it tells me that there is hope..

No one should feel bad for being healthy, they should celebrate and give hope to other..

CLTann · 09-17-2008, 05:48 PM

Marejo, you are quite a writer and I echo your message. Well done.