Insensitive comments people say! - Page 2

Sherryg683 · 05-30-2008, 08:33 PM

It's funny you mention that Bill because whenever I see a woman who you can definately tell is going through chemo, I want to go up and talk to her and give her a hug and some reassurance. I guess going through it all myself, I can relate. But I don't usually do it. I have on occaision said something, then told them that I am going through the same thing, even though I appear totally healthy now on the outside. It's hard to know who will welcome hearing from another "cancer fighter" and who would rather not talk about it, it's a hard line...sherryg683

harrie · 05-31-2008, 12:47 PM

Keep in mind that alopecia, although not as common, may also be caused by other conditions other then cancer and chemo tx. Some autoimmune conditions may also lead to hair loss.

NanaKaren · 05-31-2008, 01:05 PM

Interesting you should mention alopecia, Harrie, as I was in a garden center last weekend when I approached a lady in a "pink" baseball cap and told her I recognized the "signs". She thanked me for my concern, but said she actually has alopecia, but got comments all the time.

chicagoetc · 05-31-2008, 02:21 PM

Another statement, but truly silly:

About 12 years ago I had a lumpectomy. Before getting it I was expressing my fears to a friend. BC runs in my family so I had always been scared of something happening to me. My "friend" told me not to worry, that it was probably nothing. She explained that her mother had 15 lumpectomies or so before she was diagnosed with cancer. [I.e. everything was benign until the 16th.]

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

Melanie

PS: [My lumpectomy results were benign.]

Bill · 05-31-2008, 03:24 PM

Sherry, I know what you mean. I carry a folder with me at all times full of Her2support.org flyers and if it comes up in conversation, I'll promote the site and hand out a flyer or two. On my trip to AZ, I saw a woman on the plane who was apparently battling or had battled cancer recently. It wasn't alopecia. I wanted to introduce her to this wonderful site, but didn't want to be insensitive, so I just complimented her on the beautiful ear-rings she was wearing, she said Thank you and then I merely opened my folder full of brochures, and knew that she was looking at them as well. She didn't say anything, but at least that way, the ball was in her court. While I was in AZ, dining at a small lodge in the mountains, a couple sat down at the table next to ours. Same thing, I could just tell. The woman had the "herceptin cough". I wanted to strike up a conversation, as it was a very intimate setting, but I realized she was on vacation, too, and it wasn't appropriate, so I didn't. It's just that everyone who finds this site has benefited, so I'm eager to spread the word. It's impossible to tell who would like to have it brought up, and who wouldn't.

harrie · 05-31-2008, 05:40 PM

Melanie,
Wow, 15 lumpectomies!!! She must have been REALLY BIG to have enough breast tissue to do THAT many!! Sounds like a candidate for the Guinness Book!
Maryanne

chicagoetc · 05-31-2008, 05:48 PM

Ok, maybe it was 11 or 9 or 8...but it was a large number. [Does tissue grow back after a lumpectomy?] Maybe my friend was exaggerating...or maybe her mother is/was a large woman. Or maybe she was referring to biopsies. That would make more sense.

Still....

Melanie

madubois63 · 05-31-2008, 08:24 PM

Vent, vent, vent...People say the DUMBEST things. She was very insensitive to you, but maybe the death really bothered her as it was still so new. I've had many, many stupid things said to me over the years. My favorite was just after having my mastectomy. I shared a room with a woman that just was diagnosed with diabetes. She wasn't accepting this and the social worker (that never saw me behind the curtain - all bald), said to her "Marie, it's not like you have cancer or anything." I pulled the curtain back, looked at the social worker and just said, "EXCUSE ME?" That social worker ran out of that room so fast...

Unfortunately, you will hear many more stupid things as time goes on...

lizm100 · 06-01-2008, 10:01 AM

Maryanne-

You brought back memories of when I worked at a hospital, our social worker many times has stuck her foot in her mouth, in a manner of speaking. She would try to make one patient feel better by accidently making another patient feel worse. The social worker would feel horrible afterwards but the damage was done. I worked on a Pediatric hospice unit so you can imagine... Also, when I was first diagnosed and needed a re-excision, because one margin was questionable, I was paniking that I had to wait a couple of weeks for the 2nd surgery. The social worker at the breast center who heads the breast cancer support group told me "don't worry it's probably a slow growing cancer". I looked at her & told her that I was hormonally negative and Her2+++ and she didn't know what to say at that point.

Liz