 |
05-28-2008, 12:16 PM
|
#1
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Misty woods of WA State
Posts: 4,128
|
"Reactions" happen ...
Dear Chris -
I LOVE your "dancing on the edge of a knife with bare feet" analogy. That is often what having cancer feels like and we just have to grin and bear it for the rest of the world!
Looks like you are afraid of losing your balance and not getting treatment was like taking away the little "balance umbrella" the tightrope walkers use.
Off the subject. At the latest Cirque du Soleil the highwire walker crossed it in ballet toe shoes!! Never saw that one before, but I was duly impressed.
About the time and place of the said crying episode. How COULD you know you would not get the wonder drug that day until they came back with your labs?? We are at their mercy and just have to try to keep it together hoping the numbers will be high enough to get treated that day. I had to put off a treatment once and I did not cry, but was quite discombobulated and stressed till the next week. My white count was SO low that I was fainting all the time.
So we react to news as we get it. And we can't always react with poise and grace. It's Ok to lose it once in a while. I know that one of the main concerns of our treatment staffs (especially for stage IV patients) is that we are not becoming a danger to ourselves.
Once I made an offhand comment in clinic that maybe it would be easier to drive off a bridge on the way home, and THAT got their attention. They sent a chaplain in to talk to me, but I really felt she was assessing my state of mind. Of COURSE I did not mean that, but they had no way to know ...
And so it goes. Which is why I keep a white out pen in my desk drawer. I just had to change an appt with my brain doc!
__________________
"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest." H.D. Thoreau
Live in the moment.
MY STORY SO FAR ~~~~
Found suspicious lump 9/2000
Lumpectomy, then node dissection and port placement
Stage IIB, 8 pos nodes of 18, Grade 3, ER & PR -
Adriamycin 12 weekly, taxotere 4 rounds
36 rads - very little burning
3 mos after rads liver full of tumors, Stage IV Jan 2002, one spot on sternum
Weekly Taxol, Navelbine, Herceptin for 27 rounds to NED!
2003 & 2004 no active disease - 3 weekly Herceptin + Zometa
Jan 2005 two mets to brain - Gamma Knife on Jan 18
All clear until treated cerebellum spot showing activity on Jan 2006 brain MRI & brain PET
Brain surgery on Feb 9, 2006 - no cancer, 100% radiation necrosis - tumor was still dying
Continue as NED while on Herceptin & quarterly Zometa
Fall-2006 - off Zometa - watching one small brain spot (scar?)
2007 - spot/scar in brain stable - finished anticoagulation therapy for clot along my port-a-catheter - 3 angioplasties to unblock vena cava
2008 - Brain and body still NED! Port removed and scans in Dec.
Dec 2008 - stop Herceptin - Vaccine Trial at U of W begun in Oct. of 2011
STILL NED everywhere in Feb 2014 - on wing & prayer
7/14 - Started twice yearly Zometa for my bones
Jan. 2015 checkup still shows NED
2015 Neuropathy in feet - otherwise all OK - still NED.
Same news for 2016 and all of 2017.
Nov of 2017 - had small skin cancer removed from my face. Will have Zometa end of Jan. 2018.
|
|
|
|
05-28-2008, 12:25 PM
|
#2
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Misty woods of WA State
Posts: 4,128
|
Oh, and here's a VERY BIG HUG.
And an old French Proverb to tilt things a bit:
"In Water one sees one's own face. In Wine one sees the heart of another."
You DO know what you are missing!
__________________
"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest." H.D. Thoreau
Live in the moment.
MY STORY SO FAR ~~~~
Found suspicious lump 9/2000
Lumpectomy, then node dissection and port placement
Stage IIB, 8 pos nodes of 18, Grade 3, ER & PR -
Adriamycin 12 weekly, taxotere 4 rounds
36 rads - very little burning
3 mos after rads liver full of tumors, Stage IV Jan 2002, one spot on sternum
Weekly Taxol, Navelbine, Herceptin for 27 rounds to NED!
2003 & 2004 no active disease - 3 weekly Herceptin + Zometa
Jan 2005 two mets to brain - Gamma Knife on Jan 18
All clear until treated cerebellum spot showing activity on Jan 2006 brain MRI & brain PET
Brain surgery on Feb 9, 2006 - no cancer, 100% radiation necrosis - tumor was still dying
Continue as NED while on Herceptin & quarterly Zometa
Fall-2006 - off Zometa - watching one small brain spot (scar?)
2007 - spot/scar in brain stable - finished anticoagulation therapy for clot along my port-a-catheter - 3 angioplasties to unblock vena cava
2008 - Brain and body still NED! Port removed and scans in Dec.
Dec 2008 - stop Herceptin - Vaccine Trial at U of W begun in Oct. of 2011
STILL NED everywhere in Feb 2014 - on wing & prayer
7/14 - Started twice yearly Zometa for my bones
Jan. 2015 checkup still shows NED
2015 Neuropathy in feet - otherwise all OK - still NED.
Same news for 2016 and all of 2017.
Nov of 2017 - had small skin cancer removed from my face. Will have Zometa end of Jan. 2018.
|
|
|
|
|
05-28-2008, 12:29 PM
|
#3
|
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Central Coast, CA
Posts: 3,207
|
Well I'll be danged...
Look what showed up in my email this morning...sometimes you just have to wait and let the miracles unfold.
Inner Peace
God is the source of my serenity. I am at peace.
At times I may tend to feel discouraged and challenged, yet I can
transform such thoughts and feelings and know a peaceful state of
mind. Letting go of any need to struggle, I allow the peace of God to
fill my senses. I am at peace because God is the source of my
serenity.
In the silence, I dwell in the perfect peace of God. For these moments
in time there is nothing I must think, say, or do. I can just be,
building a consciousness of peace.
As I begin moving from this inner experience out into my day, I bring
this consciousness of serenity with me. In the midst of busy daily
activities, I am serene and at peace.
At any time, I have the ability to make the choice to go within to my
internal wellspring of peace and maintain my sense of calm and
serenity.
"The God of peace be with all of you." -- Romans 15:33
__________________
Chris in Scotts Valley
June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?"
9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++
10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response!
04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED
04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial
06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin
01/08 Progression in liver
02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial
08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1
02/09 Continue NED
02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED
12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver
07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:(
12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:(
03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial
5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!!
8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!)
9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3
11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc
11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go.
2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go.
3/13 TACE procedure
|
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:45 AM.
|
Hybrid Mode