Misses "our" Becky............

Mary Jo · 03-02-2008, 07:49 PM

................I do!!! Hasn't seen that beautiful, happy face next to one of her intelligent, always informative posts, in quite some time.

Miss you Becky - hope all is well. Maybe you started running and never stopped.................................

Love to you.....

Mary Jo

Bill · 03-02-2008, 08:09 PM

I know, Marejo, I miss her, too, and I miss Jean, too. I think they joined ranks and jumped ship together. I hope they come back soon. They were a valuable source of knowledge and support. Thanks for this post, Bill

hutchibk · 03-02-2008, 10:29 PM

I am guessing that they are lurking in the shadows... but laying low. We all have other things that divert us from time to time.

Chelee · 03-03-2008, 12:50 AM

I miss both of them so much. It's left a big empty hole on this board IMO. They are both such awesome women with so much to contribute to this board. I know they are taking a break for a while but I hope it won't be too long? I'm sure everyone here misses them immensely. They play a big part in this board and their presents is sure missed when they aren't here. I hope they hurry back soon. It sure won't be soon enough for me.

Chelee

Mary Jo · 03-03-2008, 05:01 AM

Yep, Jean too..............I couldn't remember her name. I feel like "Maria" (Julie Andrews in The Sound Of Music) when she was praying for the children and forgot one of their names...............like her I say....................God Bless Jean.

MJ

Hopeful · 03-03-2008, 08:01 AM

If you click on "Members List" in the menu line at the top of the page, you can look up a member and see the last time they were logged in:

Becky - 2/22/08
Jean - 2/16/08

Hopeful

Sheila · 03-03-2008, 09:02 AM

I do remember Jean saying she was taking a break for awhile, after some offensive remarks to one of her posts titled"less of us are kicking the bucket" and during the same post, Becky wrote "Jean, you jump, I jump" . Neither has been on since. I for one miss their wisdom and humor. I wish things like this didn't happen. DON'T KNOW WHAT CAN BE DONE TO GET THEM BACK....

PinkGirl · 03-03-2008, 09:22 AM

Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to anyway.

BonnieR posted that she finds the term kicking the
bucket "a bit insensitive".

Jean posted that she was truly sorry if she offended
anyone.

BonnieR said she was sorry and was merely expressing
an opinion - not intended as a personal attack.

Then Jean left and Becky jumped ship right behind her.

Does the crime fit the punishment here? Is saying you find
something "a bit insensitive" an offensive remark? I guess
it is to Jean and Becky backed her up.

I miss everyone who stops posting for whatever reason.
I wish we could get back to being able to express ourselves
and kiss and make-up when we have one of these little
"misunderstandings".

That's just what I think ... I have thick pink skin and the
remarks "a bit insensitive" and "kick the bucket" would not
offend me. I think I can be a bit insensitive sometimes, I
think everyone can - intentionally or unintentionally.
I don't want to be "walking on eggshells", afraid of saying
the wrong thing. I respect everyone here - BonnieR, Jean
and Becky. We need all of you here.

Mary Jo · 03-03-2008, 09:34 AM

oops....I remember now.

Patty F · 03-03-2008, 09:42 AM

I just know that everyone on this board is so important to me.
No matter what question I have someone here has been through what I am now going through and offers great support.
It is hard sometimes to figure out tone in text, but I don't believe there is one member here who would hurt someone on purpose. We all use different phrases and do not mean anything by them. We all have bad days and are worried more on some days than others. We all just need to be a little more forgiving and caring to our fellow sister warriors.
I know that I have come to care and love each one of you.
Stay strong and continue to fight the fight to NED!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopeful · 03-03-2008, 10:17 AM

Pink Girl,

You summed it up nicely. I agree with you 100%.

Hopeful

hutchibk · 03-03-2008, 11:12 AM

Just give 'em a little time and space. I am guessing that it goes a little deeper than just that one post and thread, however it may have been the final straw for a time...

At times it feels as though an uncomfortable "tone" can sweep over some of the threads, less supportive, less tolerant and less helpful... and somewhat more angsty, confrontational, hypersensitive. I don't have the reserves for much of that these days (in person or online) and I guess most of us on this journey find we don't either. And admittedly, I sometimes catch myself being a little of the angsty, confrontational, sensitive person... but I try to recognize it and remember to just ignore and let it go. Sometimes I take a break when needed. I have been in a bit of 'personal life' hibernation for the last month due to lack of reserves to tolerate some more emotional challenges. I suppose that Becky and Jean may be in a bit of online hibernation, and I support that, it takes what it takes... They will be back.

And back to the sensitivity about the slang/euphemisms for death and dying... this is an interesting read
http://dying.about.com/od/deathlangu...deathslang.htm

Sheila · 03-03-2008, 11:52 AM

Thanks Pink Girl and Brenda, you both summed it up perfectly...we all have our days, and need our space, lets hope this too shall pass

vickie h · 03-03-2008, 12:13 PM

I, too, stopped posting on this site several months ago because of some deep "rifts" between some of the members. Things were posted, people reacted, and some were lambasted for their views. I found it all so disturbing that anyone, especially anyone facing a life threatening illness, should be taken to task for voicing their opinions. Isn't that what's important?
We may not all agree, or find something offensive, or hold a different belief....But I believe tolerance, kindness, compassion and understanding should take the place of intolerance, unforgiveness and "hurt" feelings.
Every person that visits this site is seeking the truth, companionship and empathy from their sisters at a life changing moment......We should be that change...lay down our arms and arrows....and embrace each other for the joy and light we hold deep within our hearts.
That is what changes the world and the future and brings us to that humble place of soul searching redemption...and the love and acceptance we so desperately need in our lives. There is no substitute for genuine love.
Love, Vickie H

Joe · 03-03-2008, 12:34 PM

Christine and I have always felt that all you were family. It is hard on both of us when we lose someone to this disease, but harder yet when these squabbles happen and women leave this group.

Unfortunately, we are too busy trying to run this organization to try and mediate these events.

In the last 7 days, I have:

1. Registered 4 members to attend this years ASCO meeting in Chicago, including air reservations, lodging and promotional materials.
2. Did the same for this year's American Association of Cancer Research meeting in San Diego.
3. Finishing touches on the Oncology Nursing Meeting to be held in May.
4. Made final arrangements for the Anne-Michelle Higgins Memorial Scholarship with the Alamo Breast Cancer Foundation. More on this later.
5. Submitted materials for an upcoming magazine article on the HER2 Support Group.
6. Negiotiated with several pharmaceutical companies for future Grants and other projects.
7. Accompanied Christine to an appointment with her new oncologist.
8. Went grocery shopping with Chris. (She doesn't drive anymore)
9. Answered several emails from patients and their families.
10. Registered members and made arrangements for Cure Magazine's Day of Caring in Denver
and
continue to work full time in order to qualify for medical benefits.

Sometimes when these problems arise we ask ourselves: Is this is all worthwhile ?

Regards
Chris and Joe

StephN · 03-03-2008, 01:08 PM

... do not think my feathers will ever be sufficiently ruffled by anyone here for me to feel like I need to stay away.

Been through TOO MUCH with this disease to give THAT much importance to what someone expresses, where ever it comes from. Like Pink Girl, my skin, meaning emotions and feelings, which are overcomeable (if that is a word), has other worries.

Everyone who either comes with questions or who participates with answers or suggestions is needed to form the matrix that is this web site.

Remember Christine's Mission Statement: "through a cooperative team effort" ...

Team members do not always agree but they manage to stay together as a team and play on.

Joe is a true GIANT of a man with a heart of gold. Those members who will participate in those conferences will grow and learn as they can in NO other way.

Mary Jo · 03-03-2008, 01:10 PM

Yes, Joe it is worth it to me. Thanks for all you and Christine do and please ladies, lets not open a can of worms. This post was only an inquiry as to where are "friends" were. That's all.

Hugs to you Becky and Jean.........

Hope it's sunny and warm where you are. It's snowy and cold in my neck of the woods and I want spring SOOOOO bad.

Mary Jo

StephN · 03-03-2008, 01:23 PM

Let's not beat a dead horse.
Marejo - no apology necessary!

There should be NO harm in posting a "where are you" for some people not heard from in a while. It is frequently done.

I miss these stalwart warrior women as well.

My comments were not aimed at Marejo or anyone else. Just a reminder that it is a team effort here.

Maybe Joe will close this thread now.

ita · 03-03-2008, 02:28 PM

I just read your posts very quickly trying to see if either of them had replied. But, has anyone pm'ed either one of the ladies?? Everyone here brings something we learn from on this board. If it wasn't for ALL OF YOU I don't know where I would be. I completely understand giving them room, but they also need to hear from us. They need to know how much they are truly missed.

Personally if someone "offended" me in any way and I "left" it would make me feel better to know others were thinking of me and considered me an integral part of their lives, be it as a neighbor or online. Hopefully it's not too late for this.

If we can't be ourselves here, where can we do it? We were all forced on the same boat. Somedays we're nauseated by the churning seas some days we're tanning and drinking margaritas. Either way, we're pretty much together.

Much love,
Ita

P.S. I pm'ed Becky.

Andrea Barnett Budin · 03-03-2008, 02:56 PM

LORD KNOWS CA IS A TOPIC THAT IS FULL OF EMOTION. A BATCH OF ISSUES COME WITH THIS NAUSEATING ROLLERCOASTER RIDE THAT BEG TO BE DISCUSSED, DESPITE THE VARYING POINTS OF VIEW. OUR HARSH REALITIES NEED TO BE AIRED. THEY NEED TO BE SUBSTANTIATED AND/OR REFUTED WITH LOVING SENSITIVITY -- AND A LITTLE HUMOR WOULDN'T HURT

. NO ONE CAN HAVE SUCH A DISCUSSION BETTER THAN THOSE WHO HAVE PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED CA, CHEMO, RADIA, SURG AND THE MENTAL JARRING THAT COME W/IT ALL.

I MAKE IT A POINT TO ALWAYS BE POLITE. I WOULD NEVER INTENTIONALLY HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS. I POST TO SHARE, TO INSPIRE, TO SUPPORT, TO QUESTION. I WAS RAISED TO RESPECT OTHERS' DIFFERING PERSPECTIVES AND BELIEFS. AND I CONSIDER IT ALL. I DON'T TOSS ANYTHING OUT W/O SEEKING TO UNDERSTAND BETTER. I KNOW I AM FREE TO IGNORE WHAT I CAN'T BUY. AND I TRULY TREASURE THE WISDOM I GLEAN.

JEAN AND BECKY ARE DEEPLY MISSED. THEY ARE A PART OF THE HEART OF OUR TEAM!! THEY ARE LADIES IN THE TRUE SENSE OF THE WORD AND ALWAYS ACT OUT OF GENUINE CARING. I HAVE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH JEAN AND SHE IS WELL AND I PRAY WILL SOON REJOIN US. CLEARING THE AIR IS IMPORTANT. IMPERATIVE IN FACT. I RESPECTFULLY MUST SAY THAT I DO NOT SEE THIS AS OPENING A CAN OF WORMS. THIS DISCUSSION IS HEALING IN MY VIEW. CAN'T SWEEP THINGS UNDER THE RUG. WE ALL MISS THESE WONDERFUL SISTERS!!

I ENJOY A GOOD DEBATE, EVEN IF IT IS A TAD HEATED, AS LONG AS PP SPEAK TO ONE ANOTHER RECOGNIZING THEIR RIGHT TO DIGNITY AND FAIR TREATMENT.

NAME CALLING AND PERSONAL ATTACKS ARE UNACCEPTABLE. ON THIS ALMOST ALL OF US AGREE. I ALWAYS REMEMBER -- THIS BOARD IS IN JOE & CHRISINE'S LIVING ROOM. WE ARE A FAMILY. SISTER'S CAN DISAGREE, BUT -- NO HAIR PULLING! WE MUST ALL ACT LIKE THE GROWN UPS WE ARE.

I AM KEENLY AWARE THAT EVERY HUMAN BEING FEELS VULNERABLE. AND A LITTLE INSECURE. SOME DAYS WE'RE SHAKIER THAN OTHERS. I HOPE TO THINK THAT NONE OF US EVER WANTS TO HURT ANOTHER'S FEELINGS. I SINCERELY HOPE MY WORDS, HERE, OR EVER POSTED, DO NOT OFFEND A SINGLE BLESSED SOUL! (LIKE BILL, I APOLOGIZE HERE AND NOW IF EVER THIS OCCURS!)

BOTTOM LINE -- WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. WE'RE HERE TO SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER AS WE VENTURE THROUGH A (SHARED) AND ROCKY PATH, GROPING IN THE DARK. I AM GLAD TO GIVE *ANY* OF MY SISTERS A HAND TO HOLD AS WE NAVIGATE THIS TRECHEROUS AND PEBBLE-STREWN ROAD SIDE BY SIDE. AND I AM FULLY AWARE THAT IN DOING SO, I AM BEING STEADIED IN THE PROCESS!

IN THE END WE'RE EACH TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY TO THE PROMISED LAND. WE EACH WANT TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE AS BEST WE CAN.

IF SOMEONE IS OFFENDED, THEY SHOULD FEEL FREE TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS. AND SOMETIMES THE SMALLEST OF APOLOGIES NEED TO BE OFFERED. BUT WE ABSOLUTELY MUST NEVER SIMPLY SKIP OVER AND IGNORE THOSE WHO HAVE FELT WOUNDED. THAT AFFECTS US ALL. AND IMPACTS THE VERY TONE OF THIS BOARD. PERPETUATING THE PROBLEM. THAT'S WHAT I THINK...
WITH LOVE, AS ALWAYS,
Andi