CPA, BELIEVE51 and any OTHERS that believe they are "just" caregivers...

RhondaH · 12-18-2007, 08:51 AM

Being a caregiver can/is an even harder job than being the patient and you ALL had better take care of yourselves as I FIRMLY believe that being a caregiver "aided" in my "acquiring" breast cancer. My father became terminally ill from a heart condition 7/04 (he lived 100 miles away from me and my mother...they were divorced... and son...I am the single mother of a then 3yo son...live with me AND I was working full time AND I was going to college all while trying to take care of him long distance...my siblings wanted nothing to do with him and it was just me) he kept having strokes, I was having panic attacks and ready to see a therapist when he had the "last stroke" in 10/04 (I was ALSO scheduled for my first...I was 40 yo...mammogram, but had to cancel due to him being hospitalized). 1/05 the doctors forced me to put him in a nursing home and LITERALLY the next day I went for my rescheduled mammo and my journey began...2/1/05. Let me tell you, being a caregiver is TREMENDOUS work and very often overlooked, but not by me...HOORAY FOR CAREGIVERS and BIGGGG HUGGGGS to you all from me

Rhonda

Brenda_D · 12-18-2007, 09:01 AM

I agree. The caregiver's job is very tough. Like Rhonda, I was caregiver to my Mom for about a year. It was in some ways harder than being a cancer patient.
Caregivers are undervalued and under appreciated often. They really deserve to be given their due.

mts · 12-18-2007, 09:15 AM

I was a caregiver to my mom then my mother in law. Then I got cancer.
A trifecta !

maria

hutchibk · 12-18-2007, 10:15 AM

There Is No Such Thing As "just A Caregiver" ...

CPA · 12-18-2007, 10:20 AM

I want to thank everybody here, especially Joe & Christine, for helping us through the past two years. I would have never been able to find all of the information about treatment options, new research, prognosis, etc. without the resources and people here. This site has always been my "first" source whenever we had questions - even if the question was just about coloring hair!!!

suzan w · 12-18-2007, 10:56 AM

Three cheers for the caregivers...and I include Joe and Christine in my "family" of caregivers!!! As well as all of you!!!

Andrea Barnett Budin · 12-18-2007, 11:42 AM

I was a caregiver to my mom for over a decade. I was dx in the middle of it all. Rhonda, I surely pay great tribute to those who go through the angst and heartache of caring for a loved one who is declining in their ability to care for themselves.

And, I too know firsthand the toll it takes on *our* well-being, far beyond the demands of our time. As I have learned from many sources -- OUR PSYCHOLOGY IMPACTS OUR PHYSIOLOGY. What we think and the emotions we are enmeshed in effect our physical health. KNOWING this can arm and EMPOWER us to proceed w/caution.

When my husband was ill for months over this past summer, as I kept on top of all the docs and nurses and tx and hospitalizations, and what needed doing at home (w/my dogs and garbage and laundry and marketing and trips to the surgical supply store and way more) -- I made it a point to meditate (calming and grounding scattered myself) and praying (connecting w/God and the Universe).

Sorry to get all spiritual here, but we must each never forget to HONOR THE DIVINITY THAT RESIDES WITHIN US ALL... Sending loving energy to all my Sisters and Brothers and those who give their all to us,
Andi

Believe51 · 12-19-2007, 01:24 PM

Big hug coming right back at 'ya Rhonda!! As you know my Mom ('LilAcorn) was just diagnosed with DCIS and has had a lumpectomy this past Friday. Ed has been ill since 9/06 with no sign of NED. I know that every person has great stresses on themselves in today's world but I am beginning to become concerned. At the moment I am planning on attending Mom's next appointment with her surgeon, many questions to ask. I also need some testing also to see what risk I am at (I know I am already predisposed). The stress I am under is unbelievable not that I am complaining and it is a growing concern of mine that I could be a patient and caregiver at the same time. I do need another mamm even though I had one in June and it was not until this year did those concerns turn to fear. I am more afraid of playing both roles than I am to know that I am a candidate for bc, believe it or not. Thanks for the upbeat post. Caregivers go on day to day with them all blending into one blurr; doing whatever we need to so we may see our loved ones through. Before we know it another day passes and hopefully we can take steps forward to reap the rewards!! Lots of Love & Continued Prayers>>Commanding the other half of our miracle>>Believe51

PinkGirl · 12-19-2007, 02:04 PM

I will add my three cheers for all of the dedicated
caregivers.... what would we do without you.
A sincere thanks from me to you.

eric · 12-19-2007, 10:38 PM

As a caregiver, I'd like to thank and cheer all of you fighters as well. Without you and this sight I would feel alot more helpless. Finding this site and all of you has allowed me to "be there" for Caryn (and me) in a way that I don't know if I could have otherwise. Thank you Joe, Christine and all of you wonderful, wonderful people for making this a VERY special and valuable place.

Eric

Sheila · 12-20-2007, 06:45 AM

Do you think there is any correlation between the stress of being a caregiver to a terminally ill family member and breast cancer? Just wondering because it seems alot of people here were doing just that right before or during diagnosis....maybe just a coincidence, but I too had taken a LOA from my job to care for my terminally ill Mother in Law at our home.....shortly after her death, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Believe51 · 12-20-2007, 02:27 PM

Like I said Sheila this is a growing concern of mine because I know many people in this postition. Stresses do bring out the worst in us, Mom was caring for my Daddy, etc etc. So if we have the genes...and stress....ew..cannot even think about it. I have read and heard this before but now I am really going to research this due to the curiousity>>Believe51

Andrea Barnett Budin · 12-20-2007, 03:10 PM

MY POINT EXACTLY, SHEILA AND MARIE. I HOPE YOU READ MY POST ABOVE. PLEASE RE-READ IT. IT IS MY BELIEF THAT THERE IS A DIRECT CORRELATION BETWEEN OUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS -- AND YOUR BODIES. THIS IS BOTH THE BAD NEWS -- AND THE GOOD, IF YOU READ MY COMMENTS ABOVE. JUST THAT AWARENESS CAN ARM AND EMPOWER US!

Andi

RhondaH · 12-20-2007, 03:29 PM

this is only MY opinion. I PERSONALLY was predisposed to heart disease and thought I would have a heart attack...NEVER cancer. My mothers father died of a heart attack, my fathers father died of cancer (not sure of what kind, but he was the ONLY one to have cancer) my fathers youngest brother died at 45 of a heart attack, my father died of calcified arteries and his other 3 siblings have had 3-4 bypass surgeries. I "feel" that due to my weight, poor diet, lack of exercise, overall HORRIBLE immune system, I WOULD have gotten heart disease, BUT the stress (a stress I can NEVER explain) of caring for my father affected my genetic makeup causing me to get breast cancer instead...only MY opinion.

Rhonda

Andrea Barnett Budin · 12-20-2007, 07:33 PM

HI. My father died of a heart attack at age 63. My grandmother (paternal) died of bc. Her dghtr, my aunt, died of bc.

I believe stress hits our genetically weakest spot. For me (1 of 7 grandchildren) it was bc. All other cousins are free of bc. Though I had thought my father's heart disease was closer genetically, before bc. It has occurred to me that he could have been a *carrier* of Grandma Goldie's bc. She also was around 50, post menopausal. My dghtrs are naturally concerned since '95 when I was first dx. And they are aware *they* say you should be concerned 10 before your mother was dx. So they are vigilant. I am always quick to tell everyone -- my Aug mammog was CLEAR. I NEVER felt a lump. I had a genl hardness of the entire breast. Mine is invasive LOBULAR. Not *garden variety*. The most insidious. You don't see it or feel and when you do -- it's very advanced. 4th stage...

Of course the HER2 factor wasn't known back then, in the 1960's...
when grandma was stricken.

I had a kidney stone once (age 40). In the emergency room as they were wheeling me along on the gurney, I was explaining I thought it was a kidney stone (Paul had had a # of them, and I felt this was the same. I had this excrutiating pain in *my kidneys* that I'd never felt before, as in back pain. I found myself on the floor! I had never before been driven to the floor!!)

A doc's face over mine said, It would be really unusual. Mosly *men* get kidney stones. I said, My mother had kidney stones. Everyone around me groaned, OOOhhhhh... That explains it...
Andi