First day of school...scared again!! S.O.S.!

[Ceesun]

Dear Friends, Tomorrow I go back to work after a very pleasant summer vacation...last year when I went back at this time I was first diagnosed with lung mets. I wondered if I would make it through the year with treatment again, fear of bad test results, and all the rest of the bc agony. But, with God's help, and all of the other miracle workers I have met on this journey, I completed the school year pretty well. But, here I go once again and I am bothered by the fear of more mets, and all the other worries about getting through the year once again...Life is so uncertain for us and I know this ties in with that fear of making future plans. It's too late to turn back, but how will I cope with these lingering feelings of fear and doubt. thanks in advance for any replies you may give. Your sister, Ceesun aka Cathy P.S. This summer was a very pleasant one for me...my clinical trial nurses said they have never seen me so relaxed-I am thankful for that.

[Becky]

Dear Cathy

Although my surgery date is in a few days, I had my lump confirmed by my PCP 3 years ago today. So even though on Sept 7 I will have my true 3 year cancerversary which should be a happy thing, it just brings back scary and sad feelings. So, I was going to tell you that it is a new year and Happy New Year. You are doing well and are better than last year at the same time. One thing I do try to do for myself on my cancerversary is to buy myself a really nice gift. Year 1 was a velvet blazer (in a mushroom (brown) color). It is a Jones New York blazer and it will last forever. Last year I bought black (tall) boots. This year I think I will buy myself a leather jacket (I never had one). Maybe you should do the same because then, you will look forward to this time. I always buy something that costs a couple of hundred dollars that I could never do all the time but I can justify this time of year for me. I figure at 25 years, I should be worth a Porsche Boxer or Ferrari!!

I will be thinking of you. Have a Happy New Year and I will too.

[Barbara H.]

Hi Cathy,
The beginning of school is always tough. It is a new year and there is the unknown of new students. I don't start until next week, but I am currently taking a mentoring class because I will be mentoring two new teachers. In the next few weeks I will begin a new treatment for my bone mets. I don't know what it will be because I am waiting for a trial to open up. It is difficult to live with a lot of unknowns. Nevertheless, teaching gives me a purpose and a lot of joy and satisfaction. To me it is still worth the effort and time even as I struggle with my treatments. When I am at school I have less time to think negative thoughts. I just try to take one day (year) at a time.
Best wishes for a good beginning.
Barbara H.

[chrisy]

I'd never thought about it that way, but having a break as you do all summer long would make re-entry be a big deal, and cause a moment (or more!) of reflection.
None of us know what the future holds, even those who think they do! You have come a long way since a year ago - and look, YOU'RE STILL HERE! AND STILL LIVING YOUR LIFE!
I've always worked all year, but had a strange feeling today after meeting with my boss about what he wants to have me be doing in the coming year. When I came out of the meeting, I was excited about starting on these new projects, but also thought "OH, I guess I'll have to stay alive for awhile now, for sure!"

I guess you'll have to stay alive awhile, too!

[Mary Jo]

I can sure relate. I work in the school system as well. In 2005, right after school got out, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Needless to say, that summer sucked. Mastectomy July 28, 2005 and chemo began Aug. 24, 2005. I went back to school 1 week after chemo began training a sub to help me through the year. (I feed approx. 300 children per day breakfast and lunch and I work all alone) Thankfully, I was able to work mostly all of the school year just missing a few days after chemo treatments. Summer 2006 was much better but still many fears and still on herceptin. This summer 2007 was the best of all and I am NOT ready to go back TOMORROW. Tomorrow is just meetings day but still.........I DON'T WANT TO GO! I am thankful for my summers off and the time I get to just enjoy the summer weather, my wonderful grandkids and all the mentoring I do.

Like Becky, I mark my anniversary's as well. My first one we went out to dinner. This past one (number 2) I got a pink ribbon tattoo on my left foot, on the top, off to the side.

So, I know how you feel. The fears of the unknown while we experience our aches and pains from head to toe can be overwhelming no doubt BUT I think having our work to go back too helps. If it were summer everyday it would be fine to be home doing our thing but being cooped in all winter would do be no good at all. Work is a blessing for sure.

Happy school year. MAKE it great!

Mary Jo

[dorinda]

Barbara, Keep Us Intouch Of Your New Trail Meds. For Bone Mets. Currently I Am On Taxol And Herceptine. Take Care Dorinda

[Ceesun]

thank you so much for the pep talk and little hints--onward I go! Wish I could meet some of you gals! Cathy

[juanita]

I was diagnosed right after we went back to school 3 years ago, and it still makes me nervous when it's time to start again. And the summer before I was diagnosed we had cleaned out the store room, cooler and freezer. Now I have a very hard time helping with that. Hopefully for both of us it will get better with time.

[Believe51]

Checking up to see how school is going, I know you had your reservations about this new school year. Wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and holding you dear to my heart. Hopefully those kids are keeping you too busy to even remember this post!!>>Believe51