New member fears

myraazzopardi · 03-15-2007, 08:42 AM

Hello to you all. I had a lumpectomy in august 2006 then chemo and rad. I am hopefully about to start herceptin. Normally a very positive person and still am with other peoples problems. I am going through a nervous time that I cannot contain not sleeping at night etc. thinking about all sorts of problems. I do not seem to be able to control this anxiety. Am I the only person to experience this.

Thanks and kind regards.

Linda · 03-15-2007, 08:54 AM

Dear Myra:
Hi and welcome, and no, no, you are not the only one to experience this. I would guess that all or most of us have gone through it (my doc referrred to it as post traumatic stress.) It's not easy to go through the door that is facing a serious and frightening illness. However, I think most of us will also tell you that time really helps. You WILL get your old self back. I'm convinced that the side effects of the treatments also magnify the emotional wallup. And sometimes at first you build up a kind of battle strength to cope with the dx and early treatment. Once that is done, the reality of how scared you are begins to sink in. I think therapy can help. Some people use anti anxiety drugs (careful though -- they can be hard to get off of, especially when used for sleep) Exercise helps, gradually reclaiming your body again! Family and friends, of course. Work. Doing the things you love. Massage, acupuncture, etc, whatever makes you feel stronger, calmer, more like the old you. The old you is still there, it just takes a little time for her to emerge again. You are through the worst.
This board can help, too. You are not alone.
Linda

Margerie · 03-15-2007, 09:21 AM

I was lucky that my onc warned me it was normal to fall apart a little once chemo and rads were done. You go from battle mode to recovery mode and it ain't pretty sometimes. He was right- that last taxol was the first and only time I cried in his office.

I took baby steps with my emotions and figured out if I slept well I could handle life better. Had to admit I needed help there, not anxiety, but severe insomnia. So I have tried lots of sleep aids, but 1 mg ativan is what works for me.

And now I know the new me includes freaking out on occasion. "Is that a lump?" "I need another tumor marker test?" "Should I cash out my IRA and buy a dining room table?" "Will this be the last school play I see?" But the freak outs happen less often and my recovery from the cancer bashing I give myself is quicker and quicker.

I think of myself as constantly healing and living after breast cancer. Wishing all of us hope and comfort during the time before the cure.

Mary Anne in TX · 03-15-2007, 09:48 AM

Hi Myra!

Being what I call a "total fruitcake" occurs for me each time I have an unknown pop up, tumor marker rise, end or start new treatment, etc. But it lasts a shorter time each time now. Talking it out helps the most! and this gang of super heroes is the very best to "talk" to! Give yourself permission to transition thru each step as you need too. Best wishes and keep sharing. mary anne

LAURIE · 03-15-2007, 10:59 AM

The best thing that has been prescribed for me was Ativan. I was not a big believer in anti- anxiety meds, I thought my yoga breathing could help me through anything. I was wrong. I take an Ativan when I feel nervous and a Lunesta when I cannot get to sleep. I know it's not for everyone but it has worked me.

Sheryl H · 03-15-2007, 11:36 AM

We have all been there. You are definitely not alone. Most of the time, I do alright, but there are still times I wake up and start worrying. I just try to keep a positive attitude and take things one at a time. Good luck.

03-15-2007, 02:03 PM

Myra,

We are on a similar time schedule. I had my surgery in July, and the anxiety still comes, and fortunately, always goes, usually when I begin to think about something else. There are days when I forget completely about cancer and other days when it totally occupies my thoughts. In my long life I never thought about my underarms except when I shaved them, and now I find myself checking all the time for lumps. When does it pass?--I don't know but for sure it does. I've become less anxious since I stopped searching the internet trying to learn everything I can about HER2 breast cancer. I have a friend, a very brilliant woman, formerly a distinguished professor at a well-known university, and a many times published writer who was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005. She never talks about it, hasn't a clue what type she has, and doesn't know her prognosis. How she is able to ignore it is beyond me, but in truth she copes better than I do. So perhaps in the case of breast cancer, some ignorance is better than total knowledge. Anyway, my recent resolution is to stop searching the internet and to visit this site only when I need a boost in confidence. I'll let you know if it works. Good luck.

Jean · 03-15-2007, 05:08 PM

Myra,
Is thinking about how you are taking positive steps to ward off the disease.
The herceptin treatments are a big step in fighting off the her2. Most times
when we feel frightened it is due to the unknown and not being able to have
control. Say to yourself daily "I can beat this." A positive attitude will give
you the courage to go on when things get rough. Most important to remember
you are not alone. When you need some lifting just get to this board.

Regards,
Jean

rinaina · 03-15-2007, 07:57 PM

Myra, all i can say is everything you are feeling is so normal. We all have our ups and downs with this. Have a heart to heart with your onc or onc nurse. They always seem to know just the right thing to say to me when I get like this. Also, remember, most of your days are good by comparison so don't let the few bad ones rule. Try and be positive all the time and then maybe more than half the time you will be. These feelings we get are a normal by product of having this lousy disease. Many are beating it though and that is what we have to hold onto.

Bev · 03-15-2007, 08:37 PM

Hi Myra,

I had massive anxiety before surgery and chemo and rads. I had problems with anxiety before cancer but dealt with it. Seeing an Onc every few weeks gave me the opportunity to say I need some help. I received a prescription for Ambien which I only used a couple of times. I also have one for Zoloft, which has also helped and continues to do so. They have also given me Ativan which they said to reserve for emergencies. Only have taken one. If you've had the anxiety before, it's some sort of imbalance that can be helped with meds. If it's new with the cancer, you may just need a little something until time heals all. And it will. You will be just fine with the Herceptin.

Do seek some sort of treatment. It's not worth suffering over. If used as directed, these are not mind altering drugs.
Good luck, Bev

SusanV · 03-16-2007, 09:39 AM

Myra,

I took one low dose ativan for several months before bedtime. Without it, I like you tried to solve all my problems, and the worlds problems between 10 pm and 6 am when I should have been sleeping. The ativan really helped me get to sleep, and most importantly stay asleep. Sleep deprivation brings its own set of problems, and you don't want to add any more than you have to !

Best wishes

saleboat · 03-16-2007, 12:23 PM

It seems like one of the biggest side-effects of this wretched disease is its emotional impact-- and at least my doctors never really addressed it in any real way, even though it was as real as the chemo side-effects.

I found Ativan to be an enormous help, although I'm very hesitant to take drugs (well, that rule sure went out the door with chemo...)

I was diagnosed two years ago this April, and there are many days now when cancer barely enters my mind. Then there are days that I find it consuming and I'm plagued by fear. But those days get further and further apart, and I feel a much greater sense of well-being than I did even 6 months ago.

All to say, what you feel is totally normal and understandable and yes, there are things like Ativan that can help. I also found trying to meditate a help (I'm not very good at it), yoga and exercise help a lot now too. And I started seeing a therapist, which truthfully, I think every cancer patient should see a therapist at least for a little while. It is such a trauma to be dx'd with cancer, and just like we all have Oncologists, I think a dose-dense regimine of seeing a shrink would help too!

Also, I find that if I spend too much time on breast-cancer discussion boards, I start to freak a little. I have to moderate my usage...it is very tempting to surf the internet for a cure-- and it is a big disappointment!

Best of luck to you,
Jen

myraazzopardi · 03-19-2007, 08:22 AM

Hello Linda and thank you for taking the time to answer my question. It is great to know that we do not have to go through this on our own. I tend to not involve the family with my fears. Hope that I can also be of help in the future. Lots of love from Spain.

myraazzopardi · 03-19-2007, 08:34 AM

I am so sorry that I sent a reply to Linda alone. I thought that I only had one msg. I am overwhelmed by your kindness in taking the time to reply. Knowing what you are all going through I have to say that you are a brave goup of women. Thank you again. love. Myra

RobinP · 03-21-2007, 07:49 PM

I think going through the diagnosis of cancer and treatments can be very stressful. I took Zoloft for a while to get through the inital rough days after my diagnosis, and it did help. Hang in there, tell your doctor about your anxiety, and get medication or therapy, if you think you need it. Remember all of us have been anxious, as you are, to one extent or the other.

suzan w · 03-22-2007, 09:01 AM

I also have had severe bouts of insomnia and anxiety. I take an ativan and it seems to help calm me down. I have only resorted to this a dozen times or so since my diagnosis but it does work! Nothing seems to work for the insomnia and I have tried over-the-counter, prescriptions, etc. Not sleeping well is very frustrating! I try to use the "extra hours" of night time to daydream!!!