Dont know what to think or feel

[dawn]

I don't know whether to be freaked out or what. Im having ups and downs dealing with this new dx. I keep trying to tell myself, it could be worst, people are having a harder time. I know I have no control over the future but that seems to be what is stuck in my head, what do the future hold. Then today Im at xmas lunch with my boss and colleague , (Chinese Food). At the end the owner came with the fortune cookies. I crack my open and there's nothing inside, so I say, what does this mean, in a joking manner. The owner goes, Oh, you have no future. Wow!!!!!!My boss tried to make light of it and appease my fears. I tried to blow it off. but I just cant get it out of my head. Now Im having aches and pains everywhere, your mind can really play a number on you, if you let it. I know Im rambling again but I guess Im just trying to get it out to people in the same position. I'm trying not to worry my family over the holidays and hope with each day this feeling will get better but I wonder. I ran into a childhood friend afterwards who asked how things were going, and we chatted a little. She told me she's had a lesion on her lung for over a year that they watch and just doesnt do anything. She said maybe this lesion on your breast bone is the same thing, after four years without anything. She did make me feel a little better but could this be possible? I guess only God knows, Anyway, Im just trying to vent and figure out what Im feeling, any imput would help. Thanks.

Dawn