Dont know what to think or feel
 

I don't know whether to be freaked out or what. Im having ups and downs dealing with this new dx. I keep trying to tell myself, it could be worst, people are having a harder time. I know I have no control over the future but that seems to be what is stuck in my head, what do the future hold. Then today Im at xmas lunch with my boss and colleague , (Chinese Food). At the end the owner came with the fortune cookies. I crack my open and there's nothing inside, so I say, what does this mean, in a joking manner. The owner goes, Oh, you have no future. Wow!!!!!!My boss tried to make light of it and appease my fears. I tried to blow it off. but I just cant get it out of my head. Now Im having aches and pains everywhere, your mind can really play a number on you, if you let it. I know Im rambling again but I guess Im just trying to get it out to people in the same position. I'm trying not to worry my family over the holidays and hope with each day this feeling will get better but I wonder. I ran into a childhood friend afterwards who asked how things were going, and we chatted a little. She told me she's had a lesion on her lung for over a year that they watch and just doesnt do anything. She said maybe this lesion on your breast bone is the same thing, after four years without anything. She did make me feel a little better but could this be possible? I guess only God knows, Anyway, Im just trying to vent and figure out what Im feeling, any imput would help. Thanks.

Dawn

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

Dear Dawn

Your fears are completely justified. I would be thrown for a double loop too. There is nothing you can do except breathe (in and out a couple of times) and smile. I think when you smile, you just feel better.

Also, I think that no fortune in the fortune cookie just means that you have to make your own future - which is better than any fortune cookie fortune (what is it with those anyway - if you add "in bed" to the end of any of them, it still makes sense which is no sense at all).

So, you have a future and its your own and entirely up to you.

Smile now and often!

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

Wow, Sorry that fortune cookie thing happened to you. We can relate, I would have been freaked out too!
You said "only God knows". I am a believer too.

Jeremiah: 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to proper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future.

What a relief we don't have to rely on stupid fortune cookies! He has a plan for you and you are living it out today :)

Hope they get better quality controle at the fortune cookie company.

Blessings, Hang in There!

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

Just want to "ditto" what Becky said and add a few of my own thoughts. As a 4 1/2 year NED survivor I can assure you I understand where you are and how you feel. Absolutely...totally and completely. I remember being freaked out and fearful almost daily for about 1 year. (yes, it was a veryyyyy long yearhttp://her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon9.gif) That being said, I can also assure you that it does get easier and you do find perspective in all you are going through. You come to realize that we are all "terminal" - in other words, we are all going to die....of something. The where, when and how not a single one of us knows. We might think we know, but ultimately, we don't know and have no control over our future or destiny. It's all in the Hands of God......what we go through and how we handle what we go through all help shape us into the people we were meant to become.

Hang in there. As Becky says "smile." There is something to say about smiling at others - it does something to you to see those smiles in return. Life seems less heavy.....you somehow see yourself as a person who can lighten the load of another person and all of sudden you find a new found purpose in your life and all that you (we) carry seems to get lighter as we give of ourselves.

I understand - I hear you......and I promise you it will get easier to bear.

Sending love and prayers for Peace,

Mary Jo

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

I bet a lot of us have gotten empty fortune cookies. I sure have over the years. I bet that at the time we all laughed about faulty manufacturing processes and asked for another cookie. Now that we are survivors, we don't laugh about these things. Hang in there!

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

I think many of us who did'nt get the empty fortune cookie still feel a little the same, especially when going through a waiting time for tests.
Its normal I'm sure, and I'm sorry this incident freaked you a little but that type of thing is bound to play on our nerves at a time like this.
Keep the faith and stay positive, it's just one of those things that sadly happened to someone who was sensitive to it:)

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

Dawn,

I'm so sorry about the Fortune cookie incident. MJO is right, you should have gotten another fortune cookie when the first one missed the message. The manager in one local restaurant where I had worked briefly as a cashier 15 years ago actually gives the customer half-dozen fortune cookies for free whenever a person opens an empty one.

The Chinese have remedies for everything. Next time something like this happens, just say "'Pei-Pei-pei (simulating a 'spitting' sound) bad fortune is gone, good fortune will come." And don't forget to ask for replacement/extra cookies.

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

i agree that it means to make your own future. and since i'm not good at saying what i feel will just send lots of hugs, positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Re: Dont know what to think or feel
 

Cyber hug coming your way.

All of us have felt just like you do. Our lives were changed forever by the words "you have breast cancer". We do have downers from a article read, a sly comment made, an new pain here, an ache there and a fortune cookie without a fortune. But... we also many ups, a drug called Herceptin, this support group, new drugs, new trials, experienced reachers working on a cure and dedicated oncologists.

Try to think of the positives and all the blessings we have. Also remember you are not alone. It is good to share those uncertain feelings with your "sisters." We all have those days.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling.
Donna