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12-22-2009, 01:12 PM
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#1
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
Posts: 153
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Dont know what to think or feel
I don't know whether to be freaked out or what. Im having ups and downs dealing with this new dx. I keep trying to tell myself, it could be worst, people are having a harder time. I know I have no control over the future but that seems to be what is stuck in my head, what do the future hold. Then today Im at xmas lunch with my boss and colleague , (Chinese Food). At the end the owner came with the fortune cookies. I crack my open and there's nothing inside, so I say, what does this mean, in a joking manner. The owner goes, Oh, you have no future. Wow!!!!!!My boss tried to make light of it and appease my fears. I tried to blow it off. but I just cant get it out of my head. Now Im having aches and pains everywhere, your mind can really play a number on you, if you let it. I know Im rambling again but I guess Im just trying to get it out to people in the same position. I'm trying not to worry my family over the holidays and hope with each day this feeling will get better but I wonder. I ran into a childhood friend afterwards who asked how things were going, and we chatted a little. She told me she's had a lesion on her lung for over a year that they watch and just doesnt do anything. She said maybe this lesion on your breast bone is the same thing, after four years without anything. She did make me feel a little better but could this be possible? I guess only God knows, Anyway, Im just trying to vent and figure out what Im feeling, any imput would help. Thanks.
Dawn
__________________
Dawn
Mar 2006Stage IIIA, Her2/Neu 3+++, Er & Pr positive, 8 of 18 pos 03/14/06: Mastectomy 04/19/06 started Chemo adriamycin, chlophosphamide, taxotere 25 rads
Nov 1, 06: 3 years Tamoxifen, Herceptin (1yr)
Jan 2009 Femara mets to bone aromasin and aredia
June2009: Full Histerectomy
2/22/2010 6 spots in liver 2 mm-10 mm: switched to xeloda and Herceptin will continue with Aredia J
Scan February 2011 new onc, switch to abraxane
April 2011 NED clear organs, 3 spots on bone scar tissue.
Scans August 2mm spot on liver and lungs. now on to tykerb/xeloda
Dec 2011 scans nothing on lungs, liver down to 1 2 mm spot. j
une 2012 another spot on liver on to cisplatin/gemzar.
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12-22-2009, 01:41 PM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Stockton, NJ
Posts: 4,179
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
Dear Dawn
Your fears are completely justified. I would be thrown for a double loop too. There is nothing you can do except breathe (in and out a couple of times) and smile. I think when you smile, you just feel better.
Also, I think that no fortune in the fortune cookie just means that you have to make your own future - which is better than any fortune cookie fortune (what is it with those anyway - if you add "in bed" to the end of any of them, it still makes sense which is no sense at all).
So, you have a future and its your own and entirely up to you.
Smile now and often!
__________________
Kind regards
Becky
Found lump via BSE
Diagnosed 8/04 at age 45
1.9cm tumor, ER+PR-, Her2 3+(rt side)
2 micromets to sentinel node
Stage 2A
left 3mm DCIS - low grade ER+PR+Her2 neg
lumpectomies 9/7/04
4DD AC followed by 4 DD taxol
Used Leukine instead of Neulasta
35 rads on right side only
4/05 started Tamoxifen
Started Herceptin 4 months after last Taxol due to
trial results and 2005 ASCO meeting & recommendations
Oophorectomy 8/05
Started Arimidex 9/05
Finished Herceptin (16 months) 9/06
Arimidex Only
Prolia every 6 months for osteopenia
NED 18 years!
Said Christopher Robin to Pooh: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"
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12-22-2009, 02:01 PM
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#3
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southern Indiana
Posts: 455
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
Wow, Sorry that fortune cookie thing happened to you. We can relate, I would have been freaked out too!
You said "only God knows". I am a believer too.
Jeremiah: 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to proper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future.
What a relief we don't have to rely on stupid fortune cookies! He has a plan for you and you are living it out today 
Hope they get better quality controle at the fortune cookie company.
Blessings, Hang in There!
__________________
Alice
04/08 age 50 III IBC Her2+++ ER/PR-8cm 14/14 Double M, Body and Brain CT/PET clear, ? on spine,Muga 53
06/08, 4 A/C, Neulasta
08/08, Herceptin/tax 12 every week
10/08, CT/PET clear, ? on pelvis, hips, MUGA 43, started Enalaprial for heart, Herceptin every 3 weeks
11/08 33Rads; 12/08 MUGA 48
2/09 MRI spine and bone scan, old mets to spine, Chest x-ray, blood work, IV NED,regular CPAP use,Zometa x6, first -flue like symptoms 2 days;Herceptin x3; stage 2 lymphoedema..sleeve and glove
4/09 Brain MRI - CLEAR; MUGA 54
7/09 chest ultrasound,
10/09 PET, brain and spin MRI NED Herceptin only. MUGA 59!!!
1/11 Hip replacement 7/11 Hip 2 replacement
4/12 4 years!! Herceptin
6/12 start reconstruction finish in 12/12
2/14 Herception - 6 years!!!
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you
can stand up under it."
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12-22-2009, 02:03 PM
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#4
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Sheboygan, WI
Posts: 2,582
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
Just want to "ditto" what Becky said and add a few of my own thoughts. As a 4 1/2 year NED survivor I can assure you I understand where you are and how you feel. Absolutely...totally and completely. I remember being freaked out and fearful almost daily for about 1 year. (yes, it was a veryyyyy long year ) That being said, I can also assure you that it does get easier and you do find perspective in all you are going through. You come to realize that we are all "terminal" - in other words, we are all going to die....of something. The where, when and how not a single one of us knows. We might think we know, but ultimately, we don't know and have no control over our future or destiny. It's all in the Hands of God......what we go through and how we handle what we go through all help shape us into the people we were meant to become.
Hang in there. As Becky says "smile." There is something to say about smiling at others - it does something to you to see those smiles in return. Life seems less heavy.....you somehow see yourself as a person who can lighten the load of another person and all of sudden you find a new found purpose in your life and all that you (we) carry seems to get lighter as we give of ourselves.
I understand - I hear you......and I promise you it will get easier to bear.
Sending love and prayers for Peace,
Mary Jo
__________________
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Dx. 6/24/05 age 45 Right Breast IDC ER/PR. Neg., - Her2+++ RB Mast. - 7/28/05 - 4 cm. tumor Margins clear - 1 microscopic cell 1 sent. node No Vasucular Invasion 4 DD A/C - 4 DD Taxol & Herceptin 1 full year of Herceptin received every 3 weeks 28 rads prophylactic Mast. 3/2/06
17 Years NED
<>< Romans 8:28
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12-23-2009, 10:50 AM
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#5
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wilmington, Del.
Posts: 1,126
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
I bet a lot of us have gotten empty fortune cookies. I sure have over the years. I bet that at the time we all laughed about faulty manufacturing processes and asked for another cookie. Now that we are survivors, we don't laugh about these things. Hang in there!
__________________
MJO
IDC, Stage I, Grade 2
Oncotype DX Score 32
Her2++ E+P+, Node Neg.
Lumpectomy 11/04/05 Clear Margins
3 Dose dense AC (Couldn't tolerate 4)
4 Dose dense Taxol & Herc. (Tolerated well)
36 weeks Herceptin (Could not complete one year due to decrease in MUGA score)
2 years of Arimidex, then three years of Femara
Finished Femara May 2011
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12-23-2009, 04:02 PM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 3,463
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
I think many of us who did'nt get the empty fortune cookie still feel a little the same, especially when going through a waiting time for tests.
Its normal I'm sure, and I'm sorry this incident freaked you a little but that type of thing is bound to play on our nerves at a time like this.
Keep the faith and stay positive, it's just one of those things that sadly happened to someone who was sensitive to it
__________________
Tricia
Dx July '05 IDC 1.9cm Triple positive 3/9 nodes positive
A/C X 4 ..Taxol/Herceptin x 12 wks then herceptin 1 yr
Rads x 36 ..oophorectomy August '06
Currently taking Arimidex..
June 2011 osteopenia/ zometa x1 yearly- stopped Zometa 2015 as Dexa show normal bone density.
Stopped Arimidex July 2014- Restarted Arimidex 2015 for a further two years on the advice of my Onc.
2014 Normal Dexa scan
2018 Mammo all clear, still NED!
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12-24-2009, 12:22 AM
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#7
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: "Love never fails."
Posts: 5,809
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
Dawn,
I'm so sorry about the Fortune cookie incident. MJO is right, you should have gotten another fortune cookie when the first one missed the message. The manager in one local restaurant where I had worked briefly as a cashier 15 years ago actually gives the customer half-dozen fortune cookies for free whenever a person opens an empty one.
The Chinese have remedies for everything. Next time something like this happens, just say "'Pei-Pei-pei (simulating a 'spitting' sound) bad fortune is gone, good fortune will come." And don't forget to ask for replacement/extra cookies.
__________________
Jackie07
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2
NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement （600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa
Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe
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12-24-2009, 10:15 AM
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#8
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: indianapolis, indiana
Posts: 1,544
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
i agree that it means to make your own future. and since i'm not good at saying what i feel will just send lots of hugs, positive thoughts and prayers your way.
__________________
dxd 9-04, lumpectomy,
st 1, gr 3, er,pr-, her2 +,
2 tac,33 rads,6 cmf
1 yr herceptin,
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12-24-2009, 04:02 PM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Marengo, IL
Posts: 518
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Re: Dont know what to think or feel
Cyber hug coming your way.
All of us have felt just like you do. Our lives were changed forever by the words "you have breast cancer". We do have downers from a article read, a sly comment made, an new pain here, an ache there and a fortune cookie without a fortune. But... we also many ups, a drug called Herceptin, this support group, new drugs, new trials, experienced reachers working on a cure and dedicated oncologists.
Try to think of the positives and all the blessings we have. Also remember you are not alone. It is good to share those uncertain feelings with your "sisters." We all have those days.
Keep your chin up and keep smiling.
Donna
__________________
Donna
Crystal Lake, IL
Diagnosed 8/4/06 at age 54
Lumpectomy 8/30/06
Stage llA, grade 3, ER/PR-, Her2++
1.7 cm tumor, 1+ lymph node out of 9
Completed 4 A/C, & 4 Taxol with Herceptin
36 rads completed 5/16/07
Mammograms, 7/07 clear
fractured ribs in radiated area 10/07
Finished Herceptin 12/27/07
Mammogram,CT,tumor markers 1/08 - small lung nodules in radiated area, repeated tests 3/08 stable
Mammogram,CT ,tumor markers 6/08 stable
NED 2 years!!
3 years !!!
4years!!!!
4 years, 10 months and 8 day NED, calling it 5 years!!!
Official 5 years 8/30/2011
8/31/ 2012 - 6 years!!!!!!
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