LeahM
04-22-2013, 03:36 AM
Hi all,
If you have read any of my posts in the past month or so then you know that as I come to the end of my active treatments (5 more Vit H to go) I have been experiencing some increased anxiety over whether everything I did worked or not.
I have recieved some wonderful advise on these boards about how finding mets earlier doesn't really change anything except that you will be in treatment longer....
....about how I now need to just look forward and enjoy life...
....to be perfectly honest...at the time I recieved the advise I didn't think it was "wonderful"...
....but something happened over this past two weeks or so that brought some clarity into my life as soon as the waves of saddness it first brought cleared up.
My brother put something on his Facebook wall about "his sister that had breast cancer"
Well (to quote some very well spoken ladies I know) crap on a crapstick....my brothers sister had cancer. My parents daughter, my husbands wife, my childs mother, my best friends best friend....all those poor people have had to put up with whiney old me for the past year and they all did so graciously.
So this past Sat., April 20 my family and I celebrated my one year from diagnosis day with a trip up to Hawk Mnt., our favorite "go to" place. We made new April 20th memories...these ones involved one bald eagle, a few broadwinged hawks and mmore turkey vultures then we could count.
And while we enjoyed our (cold and wind) day this song kept playing thru my head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w
Yes...I see more clearly now. You are right, all of you. I may still insist on a brain MRI once all this is done but as for the rest of me....I'm just letting go of the fear...I'm believing that what was seen in my lungs in Feb won't change when they are scanned again in June, that whats there is just the result of my lungs being 40 years old. I still believe I was lucky to have found the original breast cancer tumor early (no symptoms, no lump, just luck) but I can understand how finding mets isn't the same. I think I do anyway...either way, I'm letting go....I've been afraid long enough.
Thanks to my family and friends and all of you I have survived this first terrible year of being a person with cancer. I expect to survive another 45 and I doubt they will be terrible years.
Love love love you all
Leah
If you have read any of my posts in the past month or so then you know that as I come to the end of my active treatments (5 more Vit H to go) I have been experiencing some increased anxiety over whether everything I did worked or not.
I have recieved some wonderful advise on these boards about how finding mets earlier doesn't really change anything except that you will be in treatment longer....
....about how I now need to just look forward and enjoy life...
....to be perfectly honest...at the time I recieved the advise I didn't think it was "wonderful"...
....but something happened over this past two weeks or so that brought some clarity into my life as soon as the waves of saddness it first brought cleared up.
My brother put something on his Facebook wall about "his sister that had breast cancer"
Well (to quote some very well spoken ladies I know) crap on a crapstick....my brothers sister had cancer. My parents daughter, my husbands wife, my childs mother, my best friends best friend....all those poor people have had to put up with whiney old me for the past year and they all did so graciously.
So this past Sat., April 20 my family and I celebrated my one year from diagnosis day with a trip up to Hawk Mnt., our favorite "go to" place. We made new April 20th memories...these ones involved one bald eagle, a few broadwinged hawks and mmore turkey vultures then we could count.
And while we enjoyed our (cold and wind) day this song kept playing thru my head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkwJ-g0iJ6w
Yes...I see more clearly now. You are right, all of you. I may still insist on a brain MRI once all this is done but as for the rest of me....I'm just letting go of the fear...I'm believing that what was seen in my lungs in Feb won't change when they are scanned again in June, that whats there is just the result of my lungs being 40 years old. I still believe I was lucky to have found the original breast cancer tumor early (no symptoms, no lump, just luck) but I can understand how finding mets isn't the same. I think I do anyway...either way, I'm letting go....I've been afraid long enough.
Thanks to my family and friends and all of you I have survived this first terrible year of being a person with cancer. I expect to survive another 45 and I doubt they will be terrible years.
Love love love you all
Leah