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feeling negative
I need to vent and I can't talk about this to anyone right now. I am feeling down because normally I am thinking positive about the future but all of a sudden my mind is telling me that it is unlikely I will die from anything but cancer. I was married early (I was 20, husband 23) and had kids late (I was 33 and 37 yrs at their adoptions). I am 57 and our kids are 20 and 24. Been married 37 years and feel blessed in so many ways but it's not fair anyway. I think losing Amanda so young has gotten me thinking maybe I've used up my luck and have had a life with struggles but so many good things that maybe I've had my share. I know this is a temporary mood and it will pass but it seems that not only does cancer change our futures and plans but it takes our joy in the future, even if it's only for the time it takes to type this. I don't need to put on a false face for my husband or sister especially but the burden they carry is enough and I just don't want to add to it.
Thank you all for being there and letting me vent. I am on my way back to joy and humor and cooking dinner.
Love, laughter and big hugs to all,
Cathy
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3/06 DX stage III er-pr-her2+++ breast, 1+node
age 49 and 364 days
3XAC 4X taxol and herceptin continue herceptin one year
bilat mastectomy w/TRAM
32 rads
9/08 recurrance 4 sternal nodes
mediastinoscopy, able to remove 3
taxotere, carboplatin, herceptin, x6
continue herceptin indefinately
5/10 recurrance in same node/area
mediastinoscopy, removed nodes
added tykerb
27 rads
10/18/10 PET shows inflammation no active disease
8/2011 recurrence one right mediastinal node, xeloda and proton radiation to node.
D/C xeloda due to toxicity
12/5 PET scan clear
2/2012 colon blockage, breast cancer
(never thought it could go there! thought I was constipated)
start abraxane, herceptin, continue tykerb
10/2012 Kidney ablation (renal CA!)
3/2013 CT and biopsy R kidney (BC met to R kidney)
4/4/2013 Begin Kadcyla
7/30/13 Craniotomy cerebellar mets, 1.7cm 3cm
Sept 4-6 post op cyberknife
Sept 23 ablation right kidney (blow up pesky breast ca met)
Oct headaches MRI Oct 10 (only surgical changes ! Yay!)
Short of breath. CT, pulmonary function, echo
New crap in right lung heart good. Pooh!
12/13 DC kadcyla. Begin halaven
2/14 MRI brain NED Yay!
4/3/14 CT mostly stable but breast mets r kidney growing
4/16/14 ablation right kidney again
Continue halaven, tykerb
dc halaven gemzar?
2nd opinion May 14
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