~Mighty Oak~6 A/C's Down, 6 To Go!! Ughh!

[Believe51]

Friday will mark the 6th A/C treatment for Mighty Oak. We thought we were going to do 8-9, but he will be getting 12 total or however many his body can withstand. Mostly he is fatigued and nauseated, his heart is holding strong. Tumor markers dropped by over 75% and although not within normal range we are headed into the right direction. The doctor said that Ed will be on a chemo holiday after all these treatments, he stated that this poor man has been on treatments since 2006 and needs a break very badly.

If you ask Ed if he thinks he has a grip on the cancer, he would say YES. He would tell you all that he feels like this is it, that this is the treatment to get him to NED. In the meantime, we take every day, every second, every breath. We will take whatever we can get. So far we have bought some time, hopefully more time with this treatment.

The color has returned into our lives, the deafening sounds of silence that once was is now replaced with music. My heart still fights with all of the negative realizations, each day I push away the sadness and replace it with joy. Even if we never see NED, we will have lived life to the fullest atleast trying!! Normalcy has returned and with each day, each second, each breath...there is more.

This post is to update and to provide you with inspiration and anything else you can grasp from it. I would be lying if I said that I am alright all the time. Sometimes when there is some normalcy, some hard belly-laughs, knowing what I was going to say before I say it....reality slaps me to tears. I know he is still here with me and that we are all dying with each passing day, there are times when I can easily push that away. There are times I turn to a little lost girl!! I miss the life we had, the people we were. This is our life now and I do appreciate everything because it has never been so full. I have brushed away the people (one being a grandmother who never knew how to love anyway) who do not belong and replaced them with people whom do. One thing I still have trouble with is 'how will I go on without him, who will I tell my stories to?? Bill, you have really helped me to deal with those issues just by being the man you are, for you are paving my way when that time comes. For that my Dear Friend I could never thank you enough for, (comma..ha!ha!) please continue to show me the way. All of you!!

You all are part of this life that I cherish so, without you I do not know where I would be. Although I do visit a couple of other sites, those sites have never given to us what we need. Sorry I have been distant lately, I feel fragile at the moment and if I was to be attacked from something I have said I know I would crumble. This is no way to feel for anyone of us, Andi's post says it all, (Andi, I had a beautiful response to it but lost it) and I will try to respond if my eyes allow. This has never stopped me before from posting my 'naked' soul, but it has been a long time since I have felt so fragile. I will try to be a better friend to you all.

I am following you all though, I am still loving you all more each day, and thoughts of you filter through my mind all day. Some would never understand how this helps us. Some have even told me how depressing that this must be to live ALL day EVERY day with cancer surrounding me (per Joy..Duh!!). Huh, totally opposite. I love you, I pray for you, I follow you.....today and always. Thanks>>Believe51

[Mary Jo]

Dear Sweet Marie,

You don't have to "try and be a better friend to us," you are the perfect friend to each of us ALWAYS. You are always supportive, incredibly loving and super duper kind. Always.

I'm happy that Ed's numbers are dropping and thankful he is able to continue with the A/C treatments. I'm also thankful that you and Ed are able to have this time together. Time to grow closer and to share with each other all your hearts hold....all the things you want to say..........all the things you want to do.

Thanks for bringing us up to date Marie. Sending my love and God's Peace your way.

Love AND a big hug.....

Mary Jo

[Bill]

Sweet Marie, you are such a wonderful strong person. Please don't apologize a bit for not posting much or checking in very often. It seems like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to try to do everything all at once and be everything to everyone. Nikki often counseled me to slow down and not be so hard on myself. Repeating a story here, two days before Nikki passed away, I was really stressed out, moving furniture around, a lift chair being delivered, moving beds around, administering pain and nausea meds, lack of sleep, etc. you know. Nikki said, "Hey you're all stressed out. Something could happen to you right now, a massive heart attack, or a ruptured brain aneurysm, and you would die.....all stressed out. Is that how you want to go out? or do you want to go peacefully?" A calmness entered my spirit then. She said,"My God, you're doing everything you possibly can for me, and that's all you can do" Marie, I know you are doing everything you possibly can for Ed, and I know you want to do more, but you are doing your best. Nicola and I wished we could have our old life back, it was awesome in every way, but now we had a new life together, and it was just as awesome. I know what you mean by not having anyone to tell your stories to, but right now, you quit stressing so much and keep telling your stories to Ed. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Love, Bill

[TSund]

Marie...what a beautiful post. Thank-you.

Terri

[chrisy]

Marie,

"If you ask Ed if he thinks he has a grip on the cancer, he would say YES"

How long you have waited to hear that, and say that! I remember when you were both feeling so hopeless. I'm so glad you are able to have this time when things, finally, are going in the right direction. And looking forward to a long chemo holiday for both of you.

We all love you so much; you give people like me a glimpse of life on the other side of the relationship. Perhaps the two are related. You, and Bill, represent the heart and soul, joys and fears of all those beloveds in our lives. THANK YOU so much for sharing this. Now I will echo what Nicola told Bill, and what I want for my own beloved hubby: Take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself, don't try to take it ALL on your shoulders.

Much much love to you and Ed
Chris

[Bev]

Glad to hear TMs are down. Won't tell you not to stress because you won't listen. Just keep telling yourself you are doing the best you can, and you are. I hope you can get that chemo break soon. It will lighten your burden. Take care, Bev

[SoCalGal]

Marie-
Your post made me cry. I echo Chris' sentiments.
Thanks for sharing.
Love Flori

[Joanne S]

Mighty and Marie
--------------------------

MaryJo, Bill & Chrisy --- nicely said---

Marie, Marie, Marie! First and foremost you are #1. You need to treat Marie better and best, so your eyes and health do not suffer any more; otherwise you will need a care giver. We don't want anything to happen to you. We need you too.

Great news Mighty! Yeah!


I don't know if Ed's AC is dose dense or not, but none the less, it's strong stuff. Twelve treatments sounds like an enormous amount. AC Kick BC butt! I am so glad Ed's tolerating it.


Give Mighty a hugand tell him we are happy to hear good news.

You are not just Mighty's Lady, but you are One Mighty Special Lady!



Hoping and Praying for continuous improvement and wellness,
Hugh Hugs,
Jo

[kareneg]

Marie what can I say but I love you! I am so glad this treatment is working well for Ed and there is normalcy being restored to your life. I think and pray for you Ed and Mom every single day. Talk soon!

[kimber]

You have hope. That is everything! Not to mention all of us! Praying, wishing, hoping, loving.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not send out positive thoughts and prayers for all of you! Myself included!!

You hang on to him and love him. We will all hang on to you! I believe in you!

Much love - kim

[tricia keegan]

Marie I can only echo the wonderful sentiments everyone has already expressed, you are a MIGHTY lady and a wonderful friend to all that need you. I'm so glad about Ed's progress but wow ...12 a/c???? I know how fatigued and ill I felt after four so he must be quite a man lady!!
Take time for you too Marie, and know I'm thinking of you and your Mighty Oak always

[TriciaK]

Marie, you are such an inspiration to all of us. I know from my own experience that it is harder to see someone you love suffer than to go through it yourself. It is especially hard to see a strong man go through all Ed is going through. But together you are both stronger than you have ever been, and it is obvious that your love is stronger than ever. I hope you are keeping a journal, at least saving all your wonderful posts. Perhaps when you and Ed have weathered this horrific storm you may want to publish your story, because it is certainly a powerful story of two strong, loving people facing and overcoming the monster together. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are in our thoughts and prayers! Hugs, Tricia

[Believe51]

We are getting ready for chemo. Today we will be half way through this adventure, then hopefully a chemo holiday 'Dancing with NED'!! I know friends that 12 A/C treatments sounds a bit extreme, especially since the average is 4. Ed was a tall, muscular man so this has helped him. Also, we are finding out that even though it is breast cancer, men will start to get treated differently (per Santa's treats from Lani, Dana Farber, MD Anderson). This is great news for MALE patients because they are different cancers hormonally.

Although I agree it sounds overboard he does have Inflammatory BC and it has been ravishing his body for so long. The choice between this combo hurting his body VS trying to finally get to NED was a hard one indeed! We needed this powerful cocktail to jump start him, to help get a grasp of the nasties. Men can get more medication, partly because of size....partly. As the doctor has mentioned, half full, not half empty!! If this works for Mighty Oak, it may help other males in this precarious position. Our hope besides it working for Ed is to have our Oncologist & Dana Farber keep close records for the other men this research could help. Although the reasons for the cocktail are apparent to us, Ed needs to do this to benefit others. And that is just another quality this wonderful man has....always giving back. That goes for all of our friends who are in trials for the same reasons. Thank you for all the others you shall help in that process.

I thank you for the posts of support. I thank you for the private e-mails. Your support is incredible and an amazing factor in my life.

So we are off to treatment, bring it!!!! Our nurses have already called in anticipation to our visit. It is snowing badly here BILL--Hehehe!!

YOU ARE ALL "MY" MEDICINE and YOUR TREATMENT REIGNS SUPREME>>Love>>Believe51

[hutchibk]

You and Ed and your mom are all my MEDICINE!! Thank you so much for your posts. They are so much more than updates! They are phenomenal and they help push me along to tolerate my treatments until hell freezes over, damnit! LOL

[Gerri]

Dear Marie,

Thanks for the uplifting post, you are so amazing. I'm so happy to hear that the treatment for Ed is finally working. You give so much of yourself, I am amazed that you have anything left to give - and yet you do. Love is so powerful, I am sure that is what fuels you each and every day. So, enjoy the 'vacation' - take that time to breathe and take care of Marie. You are truly an angel on earth. Ed is so lucky to have you.

Much love,

[Bill]

You are such an inspiration to us, Marie! Please know that we are all with you and the Mighty Oak as you go through your trials. (choosing my words carefully here, sorry if I offend anyone, but if I do, go to my apology thread) It seems that many of you chuckle with glee every time it snows or sleets or a chill wind whips up anywhere in the world. "See, Bill, haha, it's not spring yet. You lose! We win! LLLLoooser!" But wait, if our Creator, the-spirit-that-moves-in-all-things, Jehovah, the Highest Power, God, whatever you may call him, can cause it to rain fish and frogs from a cloudless sky, and cause blood to rain down on the earth (all documented events), then it would be a simple thing for Him to bring a snowfall in spring-time, wouldn't it? Actually, I think an early spring is right around the corner.

[sassy]

Marie,

You are an inspiration to us. Keep the faith.