Graduation Day!

[alicem]

I am celebrating my last (hopefully) Herceptin infusion this morning. Port will be removed soon!!

Now it is time to venture into that realm of life without my "H" insurance policy. I have read others' feelings and am surprised that I am feeling so shaky. I know I have done all that I can do up to this point, but I just can't seem to shake that feeling that I will fall into the category of those who have a distant recurrence. I am not scard by this thought (too much), but am still trying to sort out exactly how I feel going forward from this point. Life will be interesting as it unfolds. I just hope I don't spend too much time looking around the corner . . . if you know what I mean, and I KNOW you do!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you wonderful women and me out there that have gotten me this far.

[StephN]

Dear Alice -
Glad to see you in such a jolly circumstance! Confetti raining down. Herceptin "unplugged."

Since our meeting up in Austin in December, I have not been too busy to recall the delicious Texas style BBQ we munched down. I also went to another place called "Hoover's" for more, only I had the ribs that time.

I know you have a high Oncotype DX score, but there are others here also with high scores who have not had their disease return. Stay in that category.

Your biking and other aspects of healthy lifestyle will also see you through.

Here is the photo I took of you with my son's very friendly cat playing "fur shawl."

[Sheila]

Alice
You look marvelous.....love the cat shawl!!! Celebrate this huge milestone, and many wishes for continued perfect health from here on out!!!!

[ammebarb]

Congratulations, Alice! When I finished my year of chemo, over twenty six years ago, I had really mixed feelings....wanted to be done with it in a big way, but hated the idea that I wasn't actively "fighting". Like you, I hoped that I could get on with my life without fear coloring my life. It's definitely a journey....I think I will never just take my health for granted again, but for me thoughts of cancer gradually diminished, and I can even attribute illness to something other than cancer once in a while! :-) Anyway, I'm sending my very best wishes for NED for always!

Barb A.

I should note that my cancer wasn't tested for HER2 way back then, so I seriously doubt that I was positive. I'm here because I am supporting my sis through this experience.

[caya]

Congrats Alice - a big day indeed!!

You've done all you can , try to relax and enjoy the moment...

all the best
caya

[karen z]

Dear Alice,
What a glorious picture. The shakiness we all experience does get easier. Enjoy your increased freedom.
Best,
Karen

[Jackie07]

Congratulations on your glorious triumph, Alice. Love the smiles on your face in both pictures!

[Laurel]

Hey Alice!

I got me one of those fancy kitty shawls, too! Well, actually 4 kitty shawls! My goal in the life is to live to be a crazy old cat lady! Seriously, I want to live to be old and decrepit and eccentric! Hmmm, wait....I am getting pretty decrepit thanks to the Femara, and Lord knows I'm eccentric. Hey, all I need are the years! We'll get those too, Girlfriend! Wait and see!

All the best to a bright future. We all worry about the unknown, but you are right to enjoy today. No one has any assurance of tomorrow....no one.

[juanita]

what a great picture! congratulations on a big milestone!

[sassy]

Keep moving forward and don't worry (too much!).

[suzan w]

What a great graduation picture!!! I love celebrations!! XO Suzan

[v-ness]

congratulations to you, alice. i still have a long way to graduation day, i don't even finish chemo until this thursday (phew), but your remark about feeling shaky about life without herceptin struck home. i've been feeling the same way about life without chemo. i belong to HERConnection through Genentech and they've been sending me information packed emails that are always very timely. the latest addressed this feeling you (and i) are having about the end of a treatment. better still, however, they just sent me a book the other day and i would highly recommend it to you and *anyone* else. i devoured it in 2 night's time. it is called "After Breast Cancer: Answers to Questions You're Afraid to Ask" by Musa Mayer. it talks about common fears, just like this. follow-up testing, facts about recurrence, ways to reduce your worry, and i could go on and on. i had a pink highlighter in hand and i plan to revisit this book repeatedly any time i too find myself feeling "shaky". it has a 5 star rating on Amazon and i can tell you that it certainly made me feel a whole lot better about the fear factor about recurrence. like you, i have a high Oncotype DX (56 in my case). i hope that you will arm yourself with this truly great read and find your world a whole lot less shaky.

again, congratulations on this big step. my best to you! valerie

[alicem]

Thanks Valerie, and everyone else that posted. Valerie, I hope your chemo went well today and that you are celebrating being done with this phase. We will have different, but similar reasons to celebrate this time of year. It was on January 20, 2009 that I got my FIRST infusion. It is odd that it can seem so short but yet so long ago at the same time. So much has happened the last 366 days. I can honestly tell you that you will find time to be miraculous in how it erases the bad parts of our memories, leaving only the positive. I know one year ago, I had my first of six "puny Thursdays", as I would call them. I don't remember too well how I felt, but I do remember how lovingly my husband and friends took care of me. I remember how special the staff was at Texas Oncology. I also remember riding my bike for an hour that Friday (after the first puny Thurs.) with a good friend, as we celebrated life.

Once again I am set to celebrate tomorrow as I finally get my port-a-catheter removed. Although I soon got used to it being a part of me and don't think about it much any more, I am NOT sad to see it go! GOOD RIDDANCE!

Valerie, I read in your other post that you are drinking lots of water. Fantastic! That helped me a lot as well. I am celebrating from a distance that you have had your last chemo and I will rejoice when you graduate from Herceptin.

[Becky]

Dear Alice

I don't know how I missed this. The last Herceptin is pretty scary. I don't know if the last "treatment" visit to the Cancer center is worse for those of us who have Her2 since we have to go there for treatments so much longer than those who don't.

When I was in treatment I had 8 rounds of chemo (dense dose) so I had to get the white blood cell booster shots. I researched another drug called Leukine and I had it for 10 days in a row after chemo. My cycles went like this: Day 1 - chemo, day 2 - 11 - Leukine shots, day 12-14 - Freedom (then start over again). A couple of weeks after that was done, I had about 6 weeks of rads (lumpectomy) which is a daily thing. Herceptin was not yet available when I had chemo but one month after rads finished it was. So just when the umbilical cord with the cancer center was cut, it got reattached because I began Herceptin therapy (and I got that for 16 months instead of 12 because my onc said that just 5 extra triple doses would bring me to my 2 year cancerversary (when recurrence rates peak). So, I had 2 full years of the cancer center and it was really, really hard to let go.

One thing to remember is that scared is natural. Now you have to go and "BE NORMAL". What's that? It is hard in the beginning because the cancer center "fixed" what your body failed you on. You don't trust your body and for the first couple of years, you do think about BC and that you had BC alot. That will change with time, I guarantee it. Most days, I don't even think about it at all - even when I am on the board (and I check in almost everyday). Actually, I stay on the board because when I started coming on in November 2004, there were only about 250 members but each of them helped me so much. I was so petrified and Herceptin wasn't available and the trial was closed. I could never not check in on my family here and try to help those like I was helped. And many here also were like me, posting research and articles which I like.

God bless you Alice. You're done now and can start anew. That's how I thought of it - especially when I was able to get Herceptin. (Just so you know, the Herceptin has a long half life and stays with you for several months so its still there working its butt off for you).

Love, Becky

[alicem]

Thanks Becky, your words are more comforting than you know. Your story is amazing, I had no idea you were in treatment for so long. Was your car on autopilot to the oncologist's office? I must admit the following thought has entered my mind more than once I can assure you:

"Ok, so the cells in my body went haywire and unknowingly tried to kill me. What is to keep that from happening again? Especially since I only had one breast removed."

I find such comfort here, that is why I will continue to visit this forum even though I am done. For one thing, perhaps my story might help someone out there who has yet to be diagnosed. Also, I see the courage in all of you - if we could bottle and sell it it would be worth a fortune! I am comforted that mine was caught relatively early and I am now more vigilant than ever. I'm also so proud of all the warriors out there in the clinical trials that are working out the kinks in the next regimens to be available should this disease come back.

I've done a lot of soul searching this past year and I've decided to be in charge of my life, and not look in the rearview mirror until absolutely necessary. I know that IF the BC beast should return, I will be ready. But until then, I have been given such an opportunity and I am not going to waste it wallowing in fear!

[Lori R]

Congratulations!!!!

I certainly appreciate a bit of trepidation about letting go of an insurance policy.

But.....you look fantastic in the wonderful pictures, you lead a healthy lifestyle so I am sure you will not have to deal with "C" again.
Just continue to pay attention to what your body is telling you and remain vigilant.

We will be here for you and of course, please continue to participate on the board and offer up words of widsom and support for the Newbies that unfortunately come upon our merry band of warriors.

[Myra Lynn]

Alice,
Your Graduation has really made my day. Congratulations! And thank you for sharing your anxious feelings as well as that great picture. I can certainly relate to both states (and that's a big help).

[Jaimieh]

Oh Alice Congratulations!!! I am so glad to see you make it thru the 1 year. You know I am behind you and for some reason my onc. is having me do 19.