Taxotere, Carboplatin, Herceptin

[Cristina19]

Wonderful Ladies,

I don't think I've ever felt more indebted and more grateful as I do now that I have been the recipient of so much support from family, loved-ones, and friends... all of you who come out to give me words of encouragement.

Sometimes my spirit feels so wounded. How, why does something like this happen? Then, I see those little babes at the hospital, bald with baseball caps, and I know that none of us "deserves" this; none of us did anything to cause this to happen. Nonetheless, when feeling crummy, it's easy for me to remember how healthy and strong I felt 4 months ago and lament that I'm hobbling along more slowly than my 14 year old dog.

My man-friend shared a quote with me today from Martin Luther King. It may be inspirational to some of you:

From M.L. King, Jr., “Suffering and Faith” (1960)

“My personal trials have also taught me the value of unmerited suffering. As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways that I could respond to my situation: either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course. Recognizing the necessity for suffering I have tried to make of it a virtue. If only to save myself from bitterness, I have attempted to see my personal ordeals as an opportunity to transform myself and heal the people involved in the tragic situation [that] now obtains. I have lived these last few years with the conviction that unearned suffering is redemptive.”

*******

This round of after-effects seems to be going a bit better than the first. My oncologist stepped me down gradually with the Decadron so I didn't get shaky or have such a strong pulse. I still wonder if the Zofran doesn't make me feel sick in-and-of-itself. Anyone have thick-headed, woozie feeling from the Zofran?

By the way, my onc also halved my dose of Neulasta which may have lessened the flu-like feeling but clearly is working because my joints and legs are achy.

Andi: As for "tummy problems": I generally feel a little sicky but not totally nauseated. I generally feel HUNGRY but don't necessarily feel good after I eat.

Maryanne: Your bio mentions Diep reconstruction. You look very slender and I wonder if your reconstruction left you pulled tight! I didn't have a lot to donate for reconstruction, and I'm still tight in the abdomen. I'm not in bad shape, but if I get any pressure in the abdomen, it's exacerbated by the tightness. How did your recovery go with that?

Going to rest,
C.
=)

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Christina,

That quote is now embedded in my computer. I love it. Use your suffering as a creative force. Transform yourself. To save myself from bitterness I have chosen to view my suffering as an opportunity -- for myself and in turn, for those around me. To set an example for my children and those who come with me and after me. Just beautiful.

RE ZOFRAN. When on shock and awe chemo, they gave me Zofran as a pre med in the infusion before the infusion, if you know what I mean. Then, they gave me a prescription for Zofran and told me to take it first thing in the morning. But what if I don't feel nauseous?, I asked. The nurse thought for an instant and said, TAKE IT ANYWAY. (She knew something...I surmised.) I thought, why didn't they give me all these prescriptions at my last visit to the onc? But anyway, Paul and I filled the scrip on the way home, waiting for it to be filled. Wanting to have it ready.

We got home around 5ish. I felt okay. We went out to dinner. Mid dinner I started to feel weird. Queasy. I couldn't eat. Then it started to escalate to the point that I asked Paul to get the check so we could go home. I washed up and got into bed. I felt lousy. Around midnight I heard my voice moaning. I was thrashing around. I felt like throwing myself overboard and just giving in to drowning.

I woke Paul, who could sleep through anything. Take a Zofran, he said. But they said to take it first thing in the morning. I was a newbie. I wanted to follow doc's order to the letter. He said, What time is it? 12:05. IT'S TOMORROW. TAKE IT NOW. I did and felt better within a half hour. Yes, that loggy, foggy feeling, but tolerable vs intolerable.

For mild queasiness I found that Phenergan worked best for me, having less of a knock out punch than Zofran (when the big guns weren't really needed). The *usual* med they give you for this did not work at all on me. Kytril?, I think. Like eating a banana for me. No effect. I learned quickly what worked for me and denied using the other immediately upon hearing the name. This would work for your TUMMY thing, I think, taking the edge off. Though feeling hungry and being unable to eat became the norm for me when on major chemo. A metallic taste, an inability to taste foods I ate and used to love. A craving for new things, like cucumbers which used to be tasteless and now I find wonderful. Lost 33 lbs.

FOUND IT. And then some... ANYONE ELSE HAVE A WEIGHT GAIN PROBLEM ON HERCEPTIN? It's most annoying as I never ever eat dessert of any kind (not a single piece of candy, a bite of cake or cookie), don't eat anything fried, etc. I should be having more FUN at my present weight. Well, I guess I am having fun -- being alive and all!

Andi