How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Dear Members

With the recent passing of our dear Brenda, the subject of a Memorial/Tribute page has come up. Generally, our founders, Joe and Christine, were against the idea. However, if there is a strong concensus FOR such a place on this site, I can address this. It does not mean that if the majority wants this that it will happen as the views of the Druther family should be respected. However, I think that it should be made aware of what the vast majority of the board wants. Your vote is highly confidential. And I want a vote because the majority may really not want it as we tend to hear more from those who do versus those that don't.

Let your opinion be heard.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Becky - thanks for taking the bull by the horns.

If we do have an affirmative vote, there is the question on where it goes, and how readily apparent it might be.

Debra (Joe's daughter) may make the final such decision.

Don't mind me - I tend to think ahead of the game.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

It's a great way to remember the ones we loved. Period.
Karen

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Its also a good way to remember who they were
because as the years go by, I might remember some
of them but not all that were dear to me. For example,
green shoes but can't place the name. This dates me.
patb

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

"Green shoes" was Sandy Henry from Maine.

What a lovely woman who cared so deeply.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

I would like to see one, I think often of the wonderful, courageous and inspiring people who are no longer here. Madubois' great reports on her journey for example and so many others. Remembering is nice, it gives them a new life. However I respect the opinions of others.
health and happiness
sarah

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

I really don't think it's a good idea for an on-line breast cancer support group like ours to have a 'Forum' dedicated to paying tribute to the ones who have left us.

This whole website is a tribute to all Her2 breast cancer fighters. Information about/by those who are gone can be retrieved by using the 'Search' button and/or the Members List.

Anyone wants to pay tribute to anyone else can just start a thread or make a donation in his/her name.

I would have been scared off as a newly diagnosed if I had seen such a 'Forum' when I first registered with the 'support group'.

Seriously, it is a terrible idea.

If there are whole bunch people feeling the need for one, then I would suggest someone to start a 'Her2 breast cancer fighters tribute/memorial' site for that particular purpose. Both Google and Yahoo (plus many, many more blog sites) offer free blogging space.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

I agree with Jackie--a separate forum would be better.

I also think that Joe and Christine's wishes should be respected--would that not be a fitting memorial to Joe?

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Unless the agreement for the use of this site are like those of Facebook (and other sites with similarly invasive terms of use), I expect there will be copyright and permissions issues that prevent the use of a separate website for the purpose.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Hi all,
I find myself on the fence here. While I love the idea of remembering the friends we love...

I share the concern that a forum devoted entirely to all those who have lost their valiant fight, might scare people away from our community - and it would not necessarily be restricted to newcomers.
In effect, that would rob them of all the support they would normally find here, and in many cases need desperately. (I know I do!)

This is a quote that Lori R posted on the other thread about a memorial...

"If I recall, Joe was concerned that if the
memorial included treatment history there
would be a chance that a new comer would
review and try to relate to a personal
prognosis. (I could see myself doing that)"

I couldn't have expressed my own thoughts better myself. I would totally have done that as a newbie. Honestly, I might be tempted even now. And as we all know, that is NEVER a good idea. Every breast cancer is unique, just like every survivor is.

Is there a way around this sticking point?

Could their treatment histories be removed, so just the loving tributes and memorable posts remain?
Or, would that removal be objectionable to those of us in favor of the memorial forum?

Again, I find myself in the position of seeing the valid points presented on both sides of the discussion. If nothing else, this is an excellent way for each of us to focus on, and give our thoughts about this whole issue. Thanks Becky!

Denise

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

There are many other websites devoted to Her2 breast cancer patients (usually imbedded within a broader topic or institution). As long as the name of 'Her2support' is not included in the title, I don't see how there could possibly be any conflict with this support group.

Before my Father passed away, family members and friends corresponded via e-mail and Facebook. After he had left us, my Oldest Brother created a Google page and we posted his life story there.

I used my Father's picture as my FB profile for a while until one of my nieces complained about it (a few of her friends asked questions...) Surely I could continue using that picture, but if it bothers just one of my family members (however immature she and her friends may be), I figured it's not something I need to insist on doing.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

If you were responding to what I wrote, Jackie, I need to clarify. It's not a copyright/permissions issue with this site, but with the individual posters whose permission would be required to copy their posts to the memorial site. The reference to FB...well, FB has set itself up to do pretty much anything it likes with the data it receives from users, which is how people find their words and work being used for advertising purposes in strange places. (Consider the guy who found a photo from his wife's wall being used on a dating site.) Unfortunately (for this purpose), the terms of use here are not so broad. There's an obvious intent to protect the privacy of the posters here, so we have not all agreed at the outset to have our posts and information used for other purposes.

Anyway, if part of the desire is to preserve the posts of the absent, it cannot be done without permission from the next of kin (actually, I suppose it would need to be the executor or administrator of the estate). Off the top of my head, the best that could be managed would be links to individual posts on this site (vs. copying entire posts from this site to the new site).

I haven't thought this through, because my brain isn't working very well right now. There may well be a simple solution, but I don't know what it is.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Is this board affiliated with genentech? If so, I could see why they wouldn't want to highlight a memorial section. However, I see no harm in it and don't need a secret vote, I think it's a nice idea.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Hi Cool breeze, Rhonda and all -

Here is a link to the Terms of Service of this site:
http://her2support.org/about-us/disc...s-terms-of-use

I would not say this site is "affiliated" with Genentech in any way other then promoting their HER2 drugs within this site. Genentech has donated funds from time to time to support the site.

But the site stands on its own, with other drug companies and individuals donating as they see fit.

Her2support.org is a non profit created by Joe and Christine Druther.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Not sure where the "with the individual posters whose permission would be required to copy their posts to the memorial site" came from. Why would anyone want to copy their [old - I presume] Her2support posts to a separate memorial site?

However, it is a good reminder to all about the copyright and privacy issues.

The discussion makes me feel even more grateful to Joe and his family for giving us this wonderful, safe venue to exchange ideas and support one another.

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Just had another concern - it just doesn't feel right if we are going to pay tribute to only a selected few of our past members. Maybe we can ask the Webmaster to set up a function of the 'memorial' dates similar to the birthday reminder? [and make it a 'choice' function - only the ones who choose to see will see it?] That way we can always start a thread (or use a designated thread) to remember our past members on their special day?

ps. Looks like we've been having similar discussions before. Wondered if we going to have similar discussions every October? http://her2support.org/vbulletin/sho...leaders&page=2

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Philosophy

"Through a team effort, this unique support group seeks to promote education by maximizing the utilization of available resources. We promise to assist members by supporting their concerns and providing links to news and current research".
Christine H. Druther - MSPH
-Founder

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

Oh yeah, Steph, I read it the other night before I posted in this thread.

That was when I discovered--much to my mortification--that I should have read it before I posted the geographical survey. I still haven't quite figured out what to do about my error, but I won't do it again without asking permission (if I can figure out who to ask).

Re: How do you feel about a Memorial/Tribute Forum?
 

I think this is one of those things that is going to be impossible to manage. Who is going to do it, ultimately responsible? How are you going to know for sure who dies? What are you going to post about them? You can't just move all their threads there, that would be strange and break up the flow of the forum. So, you would have to post obituary type things - who is going to write it?

I think that it might be a lot of work but maybe my vision is not what others are thinking.