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the big D-cup day
well, tomorrow (wednesday 9-29) is the big day - my first mammogram since my diagnosis last year. i feel so positive about with none of the scan-xiety people speak of. i don't know how or why, but i just feel in my heart & bones that i am A-OK and this will just be a verification. my only concern was if the squashing machine would hit my port (they say no). i even called my surgeon's office already to find out when i can get the port out and he said er.... why don't we wait until we get your mammo results, k? i'm antsy. truth is i have one last herceptin on october 14, then i am really and truly ready for it to come out. my onco told me that she will do a hand exam in 3 months after the mammo, then i will have an MRI 3 months after that, then another hand exam in 3 months, then the mammo again next year. that makes me feel nice and secure on top of my own BSE's.
tomorrow is also a big day in that we are saying goodbye to mom's house and the place i grew up in since age 12, where i used to ride horses, and listen to Frampton Comes Alive in my pretty yellow bedroom with my tuxedo cat Fearless at my side. my sisters and i will bury some of my parents' ashes on the land and i will take one last walk in the back pasture, then it's one last bumpy ride in the Jeep down the thousand foot dirt driveway, and goodbye forever. i keep apologizing to mom out loud. sorry i did not know you had cancer, mom. sorry we have to sell your house. sorry we can not take everything as keepsakes. the most meaningful - even in the form of the old raggedy kitchen dishtowel - have homes. when i go into the hospital where mom died tomorrow i think she will accompany me and i won't be alone facing the machine.
i have no idea how i will feel by day's end tomorrow, but i know it will be incredibly emotional in so many ways.
valerie
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8/09 - IDC 1.8 cm triple positive, lumpectomy left breast
10/09 began chemo (taxotere & carboplatin) and weekly herceptin.
1/21/10 finished chemo, continued on herceptin every 3 weeks until 10/2010.
2/10 began 7 wks of radiation
6/10 mom dies of primary peritoneal ovarian cancer
8/10 got my last remaining ovary out
10/10 mammogram all clear
3/11 MRI shows 5 'spots' in right breast, largest 1 cm unidentifiable on US
needle biopsy proved the largest to be old inflamed cyst -phew!
7/10 switched to Arimidex
8/9 switched to Femara - allergic to arimidex
Femara made me lose hair quickly so switched to Aromasin
Aromasin made my hair fall out too and the bone pain was too much.
back on Tamoxifen 1/2013.
blood clot from trains and planes 5/2014 so on coumadin per onco for as long as i am on tamoxifen
tamoxifen was supposed to be up with my 5 yrs in may but my boyfriend was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer so i am staying on tamoxifen indefinitely because i want some ammo against BC, given the stress. lost my husband in only 10 wks in 2007 to stage 4 esophageal cancer.
cancer's screwing with another man i love
2/2016 - 6yrs in remission, off tamoxifen and off coumadin - yay!
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