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Old 03-27-2013, 09:10 PM   #1
IrvineFriend
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Location: Irvine, CA (Southern CA)
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Hitting the wall

Chemo #4 tomorrow and have done very well up to now. Loathing everything about the next two weeks and feeling bad that many of us have bigger battles than some aches and pains from TCH.

My mother came to my work this week to see for herself that I was doing OK after a melt-down when my sister called over the weekend (I've always been strong).

I should feel lucky that I GET to fight this with so much ammunition. I even ran a couple days this week thinking this was my recovery week. But I hate that I can't in a couple days and people will be asking how I am because I look so crappy again. I did not recognize myself in the mirror a week ago.

It's the damn unknown! Thanks for listening.
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Julie
Live in Orange County, CA

Diagnosed with DCIS Oct. 2012

Bilateral Dec. 19, 2012
IDC, ER/PR-, Her2+++, Grade 3
Stage IIIa
15.6 cm
4/14 nodes + macrometastases
First thing each morning, I try on my bathing suit. Then, nothing worse can happen the rest of the day.
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Old 03-28-2013, 05:51 AM   #2
sarah
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Re: Hitting the wall

you are not alone in all these feelings. they will pass, you just have to get through this very hard and difficult period. of course you're depressed and angry but try to remember that you're doing this so that you can live and isn't living fun! so it's worth it. Let go and don't be hard on yourself, no one goes through this without going through lots of emotions and fatigue and nasty side effects but it does end.
Love your bathing suit comment!!! you obviously have a delicious sense of humor.
take care
hugs and love
sarah
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:53 AM   #3
chekmark
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Re: Hitting the wall

I remember it so vividly. I wanted to quit at 4 but was encouraged not to since I was almost there and my hair was already gone so I did it. I referred to myself as a freak show cuz I didn't recognize myself. I had no self esteem and was so depressed, angry u name it that was me but now that's is done I look back and say well it wasn't all that bad. Not fun but doable. U will get thru this. I found the last 2 easier, maybe it was mind over matter cuz I knew it was the end, not sure. In a few months u will start to recognize yourself again, feel better and live. Hang in there!
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DX Sept 30 2010 at the age of 49. Oh crap! 1.5 cm idc, stage 1 grade 3 er/pr+, her2+ no lymph nodes, mastectomy Oct/10. Started 6 rounds of TCH Dec/10 and will continue herceptin until Nov /11 and just started femara.
Stray kitten found my lump while I was playing with it. It is now my pet and my dog is not real happy about that.
Mammo good
last herceptin 11/21/11 YAY
reconstruction 12/09/11
Chapter closed 12/10/11, hopefully, fingers crossed
Bone scan, chest xray, clear
04/27/12 Expander removed, implant put in, ahh sigh of relief, much more comfortable
Sept 30, 2014, 4 years NED
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Old 03-29-2013, 09:49 AM   #4
yanyan
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Re: Hitting the wall

Emotional fluctuations are so normal, even with pp that dont have to deal with this crappy diseases. Once the treatment is over, you will feel so much better ! Don't worry about what people are wondering about you... If running is too exhausting, maybe a light walk? Putting on make up and wig will make you feel better about yourself. It worked for me .
__________________
1/11 age 36 DX
ER/PR-, Her2 +
TCH*6, Herceptin
BMX with immediate recontruction 5/2011 Lattismus Flap- Dx stage 3c 10/23 nodes
9/11 Radiation
3/12 Local recurrence to skin stage IV
Whole body scan CLEAR
4/12 Tykerb & Xeolda Skin mets slowly regressing
8/12 PET & Brain CT Clear
5/13 Skin mets progressing
6/13 PET scan chestwall recurrence in contralateral anxillary,internal mammary and ipsilateral subpectoral nodes
6/13 kadcyla
10/13 whole body scan -clear NED. previously resolved skin rash gone but 3 new lesions. Biopsy confirmed for skin recurrence
11/13 to 02/14 tykerb & herceptin
02/14 add abraxane/gemzar, 2 weeks on 1 week off at reduced dose
05/14 whole body PET clear/ brain CT clear but skin mets are getting worse, ready for new chemo
05/14 navelbine perjeta herceptin
07/14 skin mets progressing red rash worse
08/14 wide local excision with diep flap to close wound. Final path shows 2 positive margins showing inflammatory carcinoma Going back to surgery in 2 weeks
09/01/14 resection- clear margins
3 weeks after 2nd surgery, a new nodular rash found near drain incision with 2 small red spots behind the chest wall biopsy on 10/1. Positive for breast cancer
Radiation 11/2014 with xeloda then weekly cisplatin
11/14 brain MRI clean
12/14 finished 33 radiations burnt and very painful. Bedridden for 1 week
12/14 t current Herceptin and perjeta only
02/15 rash on upper back right side skin mets radiation planned
02/15 staring electron radiation *35
Stopped at 30 due to severe skin burn, resumed 10 days later
05/15 red patches appeared in between previously radiated area, skin mets. Ct and brain Mri clear. Simulation planned, radiation to start after trip to Alaska.
05/24 new spot identified in scar line on previously radiated reconstructed breast- electron on both side chest wall area and scar line
07/15 multiple skin and lung recurrence begin halaven
11/15 cough much better but very tired on halaven and starting to see some new red skin blotches-suspicious
11/15 heading to China for immune therapy
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:15 AM   #5
BonnieR
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Re: Hitting the wall

"When you're going through hell, keep going"! That slogan worked for me in the final slog
You feel like its never going to get better and you will always feel this way. And then, one day, it's behind you and you can feel proud at your accomplishments
Keep the faith!!!!!!
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Bonnie

Post menopause
May 2007 Core biopsy, Rt breast
ER+, Pr-, HER2 +++, Grade 3
Ki-67: 90%
"suspicious area" left breast
Bilateral mastectomy, (NED on left) May 2007
Sentinel Node Neg
Stage 1, DCIS with microinvasion, 3 mm, mostly removed during the biopsy....
Femara (discontinued 7/07) Resumed 10/07
OncoType score 36 (July 07)
Began THC 7/26/07 (d/c taxol and carboplatin 10/07)
Began Herceptin alone 10/07
Finished Herceptin July /08
D/C Femara 4/10 (joint pain/trigger thumb!)
5/10 mistakenly dx with lung cancer. Middle rt lobe removed!
Aromasin started 5/10
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Old 03-29-2013, 03:37 PM   #6
chrisy
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Re: Hitting the wall

Be gentle with yourself, chemo can be rough stuff, and it's physical impact is cumulative and will definitely take its toll. You can be grateful you have these powerful weapons to fight with, yet still be wearied and want to to be "over" at the same time.

It's hard to feel positive when you actually feel crappy and you have my permission to melt down whenever you need to.

Hang in there, you can and will get through this.

Chris
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Chris in Scotts Valley
June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?"
9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++
10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response!
04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED
04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial
06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin
01/08 Progression in liver
02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial
08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1
02/09 Continue NED
02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED
12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver
07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:(
12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:(
03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial

5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!!
8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!)
9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3
11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc
11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go.
2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go.
3/13 TACE procedure
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Old 03-29-2013, 07:06 PM   #7
Laurel
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Location: Hershey, PA. Live The Sweet Life!
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Re: Hitting the wall

Next to last chemo is the hardest mentally. Your last one is a breeze! You are almost there!
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Smile On!
Laurel


Dx'd w/multifocal DCIS/IDS 3/08
7mm invasive component
Partial mast. 5/08
Stage 1b, ER 80%, PR 90%, HER-2 6.9 on FISH
0/5 nodes
4 AC, 4 TH finished 9/08
Herceptin every 3 weeks. Finished 7/09
Tamoxifen 10/08. Switched to Femara 8/09
Bilat SPM w/reconstruction 10/08
Clinical Trial w/Clondronate 12/08
Stopped Clondronate--too hard on my gizzard!
Switched back to Tamoxifen due to tendon pain from Femara

15 Years NED
I think I just might hang around awhile....

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Old 03-30-2013, 01:24 AM   #8
Jackie07
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Location: "Love never fails."
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Re: Hitting the wall

"Keep going!"

In long distance running in junior high (not sure if it's still valid today our young coach had taught us to do 'double breathing' - breathing in twice and then breathng out twice. That was supposed to increase the oxygen input and the CO2 output.

But I think that focusing on our breathing also took our attention away from the aches and pains ...

Sending you good vibes.
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Jackie07
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2

NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa

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Old 03-30-2013, 10:06 AM   #9
norkdo
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Smile Re: Hitting the wall

Bonnie! So true! You're an inspiration.
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fall 2008: mammo of rt breast worrisome so am asked to redo mammo and have ultrasound of rt breast.I delay it til january 2009 and the results are "no cancer in rt breast. phew."
found plum sized lump in right breast the day before my dad died: April 17th 2011. saw it in mirror, while i was wearing a top, examining my figure after losing 10 lbs on dr. bernstein diet.
diagnosed may 10 2011

mast/lymphectomy: june 7 2011, 5/20 cancerous nodes. stage 3a before radiation oncologist during our first mtg on july 15th says he found cancer on the lymph node of my breast bone. Now stage 3b.
her2+++, EN-, PN-. Rt brst tumors:3 at onset, 4.5 cm was the big one
chemos: 3fec's followed by 3 taxotere, total of 18 wks chemo. sept: halfway thru chemo the mastectomy scar decides to open and ooze pus. (not healed before chemo) eventually with canasten powder sent by friend in ny (illegal in canada) it heals.
radiations:although scheduled to begin 25 january 2012, I am so terrified by it (rads cause other cancers) I don't start til february, miss a bunch, reschedule them all and finally finish 35 rads mid april. reason for 7 extra atop the 28 scheduled is that when i first met my rads oncologist he said he saw a tumor on the lymph node of my breastbone. extra 7 are special kind of beam used for that lymphnode. rads onc tells me nobody ever took so long to do rads so he cannot speak for effectiveness. trials had been done only on consecutive days so......we'll see.....
10 mos of herceptin started 6 wks into chemo. canadian onc says 10 mos is just as effective as the full yr recommended by dr. slamon......so we'll see..completed july 2012.
Sept 18 2012: reconstruction and 3 drains. fails. i wear antibiotic pouch on my job for two months and have 60 consecutive days visiting a nursing centre where they apply burn victims' silver paper and clean the oozing infection daily. silicone leaks out daily. plastic surgeon in caribbean. emergency dept wont remove "his" work. He finally appears and orders me in into an emergency removal of implant. I make him promise no drains and I get my way. No infection as a result. Chest looks like a map of Brazil. Had a perfectly good left breast on Sept 17th but surgeon wanted to "save another woman an operation" ? so he had crashed two operations together on my left breast, foregoing the intermediary operation where you install an expander. the first surgeon a year earlier had flat out refused to waste five hours on his feet taking both boobs. flat out refusal. between the canadian health system saving money and both these asses, I got screwed. who knows when i can next get enough time off work (i work for myself and have no substitute when my husband is on contract) to get boobs again. arrrgh.


I have a blog where I document this trip and vent.
www.nora'scancerblog.blogspot.com . I stopped the blog before radiation. I think the steroids made me more angry and depressed and i just hated reading it anymore
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Old 03-31-2013, 09:51 AM   #10
IrvineFriend
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Location: Irvine, CA (Southern CA)
Posts: 414
Re: Hitting the wall

Thanks everyone. Today is the fist day of feeling the effects of the chemo. Drank gallons of water this time since Thurs. although I did go for a 35 minute jog yesterday knowing it would be awhile (I love, love running). So I'll stick to walking for a week or so and see how it goes. I did not anticipate being one who would hit the wall since I've done so well thus far. Was loving that recovery week and didn't want to let go of feeling so good!

Thanks everyone, I'm going to get to Church today no matter what because this is nothing compared to what He endured for me.

Happy Sunday!
__________________
Julie
Live in Orange County, CA

Diagnosed with DCIS Oct. 2012

Bilateral Dec. 19, 2012
IDC, ER/PR-, Her2+++, Grade 3
Stage IIIa
15.6 cm
4/14 nodes + macrometastases
First thing each morning, I try on my bathing suit. Then, nothing worse can happen the rest of the day.
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