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09-22-2013, 09:20 PM
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#1
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 124
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Depressed
I'm not sure what exactly is going on with me right now. I had my last (hopefully) surgery on 9/13 - I finished Herceptin in August and I don't need radiation. My visit with the doctor 2 weeks ago had excellent results. All in all, I am doing well but I just feel depressed. I feel guilty about feeling this way as there are so many wonderful people that are really struggling right now. Has anyone else felt this way after finishing their treatments? Am I totally odd??
__________________
Diagnosed 16Dec1993 ITP (auto immune disease - low platelets)
Splenectomy 11Nov2009
Rituxen May2011
ITP playing nice
Diagnosed 3Jul2012 BC
2 cm - Grade 2 - Stage IIB
HER2+++
ER+/PR+
bilateral mastectomy 20Jul2012
Metastasized cancer found 1 lymph node
expanders placed during surgery
TCH chemo "cocktail" started 24Aug2012
every 3 weeks - 6 treatments
Herceptin - 18 treatments
LAST treatment Taxotere & Carboplatin 7Dec2012 -yay!
Continue with Herceptin 26Dec2012
Started Arimidex 01Jan2013 (for 5 years)
Surgery to remove expanders/reconstruction 18Jan2013
Infection in left breast from reconstruction/infection in most nails - SO many meds! 22Feb2013
Left implant not playing nice.... might need to remove and try again - blah! 04Apr2013
3Jul2013 - one year since diagnosis - booo cancer!
15Aug2013 LAST chemo infusion!! YIPPPEEE!!!
13Sep2013 2nd reconstructive surgery.. the FOOBs are looking good!
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09-23-2013, 06:19 AM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Mesa, Az
Posts: 219
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Re: Depressed
Sometimes when you are so focused the journey ahead, and then you get thru it. it's almost like a roller coaster ride. When first going to treatment your life and schedule changes, not just for you also for those around you. Now that you are nearing completion, your are leaving part of the other routine and family. There is no reason to feel guilty about others who are struggling, does not mean you can't stay in contact, pop in on their treatment days with little trinkets of love and caring, get info to send letters etc. Be a Volunteer just to hold someones hand , volunteer with American Cancer Society. Read andreas posts, she is always encouraging.
Peace and Prayers
Darita
__________________
dx 1/06 IDC 2cm 38 at dx
2/06 L mast nodes 3/9+ SNB neg ER-/Pr - her2 + Stg 4 liver/pelvis
3/06-9/06Taxol/Carbo/zometa/Herceptin
3/07 6 brain mets WBR down to c-2
4/07 osteonecrosis jaw
1/08 mri new 9mm lesion right lower side
2/08 gamma knife 1 lesion 11/08 regamma
10/09 latent rad necrosis to brain met,
1/20/10 crani: lesion necrosis w active cells continue her add tykerb
1/11 NED just Ingrown toenail! YEAH GOD
8/11 Tykerb, herceptin weekly, elevated her2 levels, negative scans
oct -march 11 new neuro deficits lower legs
3/12 2 spinal metsTykerb, Herceptin
04/12 4050cGY rads T 2-4 & T7-9
5/12 Brain,cervical lumbar clear/thoracic slight decrease
10/12 t 2-4 shrunk t-9 grew start Xeloda, 02/13 stop xeloda,5/13 on metformin, decadron, Tykerb, iv and IT herceptin 5/30/13 total #11 #2 of 80mg dose weekly.
9/13 100mg of IT her, IV hern, 750 mg tykerb, 3mg dec.
last Mri T--3 SHRUNK t7-9 shrunk no edema. Left shift in CBC bone marrow BX negative.
10/13 Ct has shown Double left ureters with stones/cysts in them, after 3 births and lots and U/S iit takes cancer to figure out you have 2 smaller ureters going into 1 kidney!
12/13 Mri brain no new lesions, cervical and lumbar arthritis.
Tspine lesion at T3 stable, T 7-9 GROWTH lots of pain
1/29/14 HIHO HIHO its off to Neuro surgery I go
Life is Good when you wake up in the morning and take a breath and know that God has given me another day.
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09-23-2013, 07:08 AM
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#3
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 271
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Re: Depressed
You are normal. This will pass. I was actually depressed because treatment was ending...especially Herceptin. I felt I was cut loose and on my own...only to worry did all of this work for me?Just hold onto the fact that the treatment you recieved has produced amazing results for many of us. You have to find a new normal, because you have been through over a year of doctors, surgery and infusions. To celebrate my last procedure which was getting stitches removed from my replacement surgery...my appointment was in the morning and that afternoon we headed west on a roadtrip to Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico. ( I also treated myself to a pair of handmade Lucchese cowboy boots, which is crazy for me since I am on the frugile side) I booked hotels along the way from my i-phone. I wanted to feel spontaneous again...and it really cleared my head. The trip was great for my husband also, who was my primary caregiver. Treat yourself to something that will relax you and get you in tune with nature!
__________________
DX November 2010
Brain MRI, CT of lung, liver, bone, all clear
Double Mastectomy w/expanders December 1, 2010
ER- PR- Her2+++, grade 3, 12 positive nodes out of 15
Stage IIIc
Started TCH/Chemo December 31, 2010
6 rounds TCH
Herceptin every 3 weeks for a year
33 rounds of TomoTube radiation, to chest wall, neck, skin and lymph area
September, 2011, MRI to lower spine, hips, DX bulging disk, L4 & L5, pain not from cancer
Expanders removed, implants in Dec 1, 2011
Finished Herceptin, December 21, 2011
August 2012, CT of chest and abdomen, all ok
Enrolled in MC1136 Phase I Peptide Vaccine Trial at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota
March 2013, First Vaccine
April 2013, 2nd Vaccine
May 2013, 3rd Vaccine
June 2013, 4th Vaccine
July 2013, 5th Vaccine
August 2013, 6th Vaccine Done!
September 2013, Mayo visit, Echo results 68, vaccine did not effect my heart! Blood work normal.
January 31, 2013, Mayo visit, Echo normal
February 23, 2014, Numb lips on right side, Brain MRI, normal!
June, 2015, Finished the trial at Mayo Clinic. Feels good!
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09-23-2013, 11:46 AM
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#4
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 124
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Re: Depressed
Thanks to both of you for your thoughts!
__________________
Diagnosed 16Dec1993 ITP (auto immune disease - low platelets)
Splenectomy 11Nov2009
Rituxen May2011
ITP playing nice
Diagnosed 3Jul2012 BC
2 cm - Grade 2 - Stage IIB
HER2+++
ER+/PR+
bilateral mastectomy 20Jul2012
Metastasized cancer found 1 lymph node
expanders placed during surgery
TCH chemo "cocktail" started 24Aug2012
every 3 weeks - 6 treatments
Herceptin - 18 treatments
LAST treatment Taxotere & Carboplatin 7Dec2012 -yay!
Continue with Herceptin 26Dec2012
Started Arimidex 01Jan2013 (for 5 years)
Surgery to remove expanders/reconstruction 18Jan2013
Infection in left breast from reconstruction/infection in most nails - SO many meds! 22Feb2013
Left implant not playing nice.... might need to remove and try again - blah! 04Apr2013
3Jul2013 - one year since diagnosis - booo cancer!
15Aug2013 LAST chemo infusion!! YIPPPEEE!!!
13Sep2013 2nd reconstructive surgery.. the FOOBs are looking good!
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09-23-2013, 11:53 AM
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#5
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Bethlehem PA
Posts: 395
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Re: Depressed
I don't know you well enough to tell you if you are "odd" or not but I can say that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Remember that guy who recently walked a tight wire over the grand canyon without a net? I kind of felt like that after my last Herceptin. I just remind myself every day upon rising that I'm alive and loved and then I try to move on.
Move on? Did I say that? I visit my infusion nurses often. When my rad onc recently told me I didn't need to see her again for a year I said "see you in 6 months!". It's a hard "break up". I involve myself in my community trying to raise funds for folks going thru cancer treatments now, I savor the taste of fresh picked tomatoes and I carry on. You can do it too. Survivors guilt? No one wants you to feel that way. Now you are free to live your life...find something that gives you a sense of satisfaction and do it.
Best
Leah
__________________
 39 year old wife, mother of one and nurse.
April 20, 2012: Dx Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
April 25, 2012: ER+(5%), PR-, HER2+++
May 10, 2012: BRCA 1,2 Negative
May 23, 2012: MUGA Scan EF 70%
May 31, 2012: B/L Mastectomy. 2/2 nodes removed and CLEAR!! Power Port placed. 2 Drains. 2 Expanders placed
June 5, 2012: Drains OUT! Ahhhh..
June 12, 2012: Final Pathology Report, .8x.3cm tumor. Micromets to 1 node .35mm under cytokeratin staining. Stage 2A. Onc says "you are lucky to have found this early"
July 10, 2012: Started 6 rounds of TCH with weekly H
Sept 5, 2012: MUGA 65%
Sept 20, 2012: CAT scan of brain clear!
Oct 23, 2012: LAST TC! AMEN! Continue Herceptin every three weeks until July 2013.
Nov 19, 2012: Port out!
Dec 5, 2012: Started radiation
Dec. 10, 2012: MUGA 65%
Dec. 13, 2012: Turned 40. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!
Jan 23, 2013: Last radiation. Told I am NED. Continue Herceptin every three weeks till July 2013.
Jan 29, 2013: Begin 5 years of Tamoxifen.
Feb 28, 2013: CT Scan with Contrast of lungs. 5mm and 4mm nodules of unknown origin. Rescan in 3 months.
Mar 6, 2013: EF 60%
May 8, 2013: Exanders out, implants implanted...abd. lipo and fat moved up. Girls are looking good!
June 3, 2013: CT Scan with Contrast of lungs. Previous nodules gone. New nodules (2mm and 3mm) found. Rescan in 3 months. So sorry I opened this can of worms...
June 11, 2013: EF 60%
June 25, 2013: Last Herceptin. wow...
Aug 20, 2013: Tumor markers within normal limits. Xray to sore left ribs shows no disease or fractures.
Sept 9, 2013: CT of lungs shows no disease. Closing this can of worms and moving on.
Nov 20, 2013: Tumor markers within normal limits. Severe Vit D deficiency, started on prescription Vit. D. Blaming chemo for this.
Feb 2014: Tumor markers within normal limits.
May 2014: Tumor markers within normal limits. Graduated to twice yearly onc appts.
Oct 2014: Tumor markers within normal limits.
May 2015: Tumor markers WNL. Bone density scan fine. Bone scan and xray of ribs shows "something" 4th right rib. Could be healed fracture but if it is healed why does it hurt?
Nov 2015: Tumor markers WNL. Follow up bone scan clear.
Feb 2016: Syncope! WTF? Dizzy too. Brain scan clear, ECHO EF 60%, Halter Monitor shows heart is fine. Viral? I will never know.
June 2016: Tumor markers WNL.
Oct 2016: Stabbing pain right eye. Long story short, trigeminal neuralgia.
Nov 2016 Brain MRI clear.
Jan 2017: Tumor markers WNL, still getting weird pain right rib area, and sometimes right upper chest. Xray x2, Bone Scan, Breast MRI all clear. Scar tissue? Rads. I may never know.
www.onmywaytosurvivorhood.blogspot.com
www.thechemobag.com
www.facebook.com/thechemobag
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09-24-2013, 09:09 AM
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#6
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: france
Posts: 1,648
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Re: Depressed
This is normal. when you finish treatment there is a gap and you wonder, did it work, am I ok, etc. it's time to start returning to your life before cancer. take your time and accept whatever emotions you are going through. your routine is changing and that's always unsettling whatever the change is.\
well don to be through with it.
enjoy life
health and happiness
sarah
__________________
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09-24-2013, 12:47 PM
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#7
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Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,173
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Re: Depressed
Just another who went through the same feelings. Peace my friend this too shall pass. Gods blessings are all around you.
__________________
dx 11/12/09 IDCI
Stage 3a
ER 98% PR 80%
Her2 +3
4/12 nodes
6 rounds TCH
Herceptin 12 months 3weeks
Rad. 30 tx
Tamoxifin 6 months stopped
Arimedex stopped 9/12 (side effects)
Aromasin 10/12
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09-25-2013, 07:37 AM
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#8
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Haarlem, the Netherlands
Posts: 835
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Re: Depressed
I had the same experience. It will pass. You are entirely normal!
Jacqueline
__________________
Diagnosed age 44, January 2004, 0.7 cm IDC & DCIS. Stage 1, grade 3, ER/PR pos. HER2 pos. clear margins, no nodes. SNB. 35 rads. On Zoladex and Armidex since Dec. 2004. Stopped Zoladex/Arimidex sept 2009 Still taking mistletoe shots (CAM therapy) Doing fine.
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09-25-2013, 08:32 AM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 3,463
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Re: Depressed
I went through the same thing and it will get better, I found time to be my friend as the longer out I was the more confident I became.
__________________
Tricia
Dx July '05 IDC 1.9cm Triple positive 3/9 nodes positive
A/C X 4 ..Taxol/Herceptin x 12 wks then herceptin 1 yr
Rads x 36 ..oophorectomy August '06
Currently taking Arimidex..
June 2011 osteopenia/ zometa x1 yearly- stopped Zometa 2015 as Dexa show normal bone density.
Stopped Arimidex July 2014- Restarted Arimidex 2015 for a further two years on the advice of my Onc.
2014 Normal Dexa scan
2018 Mammo all clear, still NED!
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10-09-2013, 07:11 PM
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#10
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Attica, IN
Posts: 371
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Re: Depressed
I understand what you mean.....I would prefer to never go to the doctor again, and I find it depressing to go. I had my diep flap surgery and go back to work 10/21. I do not like the idea we hope it works. Or noticing every little change in my body and wonder is this normal? Will I have energy again? Will nothing hurt soon? I feel ya!
__________________
myleftlump.wordpress.com - started blogging my
IDC breast cancer
7/2012 diagnosed with multiple solid lesions
7/20/12 biopsy done. ER+ 30 PR -, HER+++,k167 80% Grade 2
9/2012 biopsy on lymph node - showed malignant
9/2012 Pre-adjunctive TCH chemo.
12/6/12 MRI after Pre-adj.
Results: Modest Decrease in size of left breast malignancy As well as the associated satellite lesions and auxiliary Adenopathy compared to prior study. Doctors hoped for better but good response it didn't grow.
12/18/2012 left masectomy with axillary nodes
Size 3.2 CM, Nottingham score 9/9
Grade 3, no evidence of in situ carcinoma
Areas of angiolymphatic are identified
Carcinoma is 0.5 cm from inked deep
Margin of excision
Attached axillary lymph nodes: metastatic
Carcinoma in 6 of 8 nodes.
Size of largest node 1.5 cm
Extracapsular
ER + 73%, PR+2%, HER2+
2/27/13 6 weeks of IMRT radiation finished
2/2013 Started on Tamoxifan 5 years.
8/2013 will take last Herceptin, 17 treatments total every 3 weeks.
BRCA1 & BRAC2 - Negative
August 28, 2013 DIEP flap on the left breast.
February 2014 Nip & Tuck
March 14, 2014 nipple reconstruction and removed port.
August 14, 2014 lump in lymph nodes under arm and above clavicle. Stage IV
August 28, 2014 herceptin And projeta starting and port put back in.
3/18/15 stopped arimidex.
3/18/15 progression....Tdm1
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10-10-2013, 05:29 AM
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#11
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Philly Suburbs
Posts: 1,709
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Re: Depressed
Star,
I can't speak for everyone...
but please, please don't ever feel guilty about how you're feeling on my account.
What you're feeling, whatever, and whenever you're feeling it is REAL.
And I'm certain you feel it just as profoundly as anyone else on this board...
no matter what it is they're dealing with at the moment... related to BC or not.
We stage IV gals don't have a corner on the depression market.
Have you talked to your doctor?
After all your body has been through in the last year, it would not surprise me one bit if the balance of feel good brain chemicals in YOUR brain was a little off kilter.
It's very natural... nothing to be embarrassed about... but not something to ignore either.
A brief stint on a mild anti-depressant might be just the thing to get those brain juices back in balance.
I would definitely mention it to my onc or primary.
In the meantime, I'm sorry you're hurting.
I agree with the others, I believe your feelings of contentment will return.
A whole year of your life was just stolen from you...
you had all those med. professionals making sure you were okay...
and now you're on your own.
Frankly... wouldn't you have to be a little "off" not to be feeling strange now? 
Sending a big healing hug!
Denise |
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