The Courage of Women

It seems a little funny to be a man, and find myself posting often to a breast cancer support group site. But I have found myself trying desperately to keep my loving Mom alive due to the scourge of this disease. I know she is old, but she's the only Mom I've got, and the only family I've got for the most part. I feel a little guilty that she has to go through this, as I was born very late in her life, and I know that may have had some impact on her developing the disease.

I guess what I need to say is that I want to give all of you that are battling this disease, great credit for all you do and endure to survive not only for yourselves, but for your families as well. It seems so ironic to me, that this disease should originate within the breast, which normally represents a lot of what being a woman and a Mother is all about, i.e., nurishment and comfort for her newborn, and a soft safe place to lay one's head as a child, for that sense of well being that only a Mother's embrace can provide. It is as if your body has betrayed you in the cruelest of ways.

I am brought to tears as I read all of your stories, and "hear" both your cries for help, and shouts of determination. I want to say that I am so proud of all of you for taking the time to share your stories and advice, so that others, including men, may benefit in some way by reading them.

It occured to me that in all of my posts, some of which contain my own research into nutritional strategies with which to fight, I left out one of the most important "treatments" of all. I am speaking of the power of prayer. I'm sure that I haven't always been doing enough of it myself, as I become distraught by current setbacks in Mom's health, and the general beleaguered feeling that comes with worrying myself sick about her each day. But I can tell you that I have personally experienced the infinite power of prayer in many aspects of my life, not the least of which was being literally snatched from the clutches of a certain death in a boating accident years ago. Miracles do happen each and every day. You simply have to "see" clearly enough to recognize them. My point is simple. NEVER, EVER underestimate the value of prayer as you do battle with your cancer. And I am not talking about any placebo effect, or a simple trick to make yourself feel better.

My friends find it amusing that I also pray for the untold thousands of researchers that sit day after day, racking their brains to unlock the mysteries of this disease. I ask our Creator to inspire them in their quest for the cure. I also pray for all of you, who are Mothers, Grandmothers, Sisters, Wives, Girlfriends, and all the rest.
I pray that one day we will be look back on all of this and say, "Thank God breast cancer is no longer of any concern to women and those that love them". Thank you all for your contributions to this site, and keep up your chin, your spirits, and most importantly your faith. I fully believe that the end of cancer in this world is within our lifetime.

God Bless You All,
Tom

Tom -

What a beautiful message you have given us. It brought tears to my eyes but also great incouragement. It is so wonderful hearing from you men out there. It really shows a beautiful, sensitive side that women of course love to see in men.

You sound like such a loving son and I know that your mother is so proud of you. She has done a great job. I am just so sorry that she is going through all of this. She is very lucky to have you to care for her.

Tom thank you so much for your caring thoughts and for also all the information that you bring to us on this board. And you are right, we should not forget the researchers. The struggle does not just affect the patient. There are many along the way who are also battling in some capacity with this horrific disease.

God bless you and your mom.

Irene

Tom we are happy to have you on this board along with the other men. Your words were uplifting for me. I am a big believer in prayer. I have seen so many miracles happen since my diagnose 4 1/2 years ago. I was given a short time to live and here I am busy and enjoying life like I never have before. The researchers are a big part of our life. My oncologist is very caring and when I have a set back it shows on his face how concern and afraid he is. He keeps saying, " I am not panicing this time because you have done this before meaning I scared him! He will say, "we need to watch this closely and yuou will let me know if things change?" I have heard people say they didn't thing their doctors cared. Some do not show their emotion like mine. Anyway, we will keep your Mom in prayer and we know you will enjoy each day with her. She is blessed to have you as as son. Good luck and thanks for sharing. Sandy

[michele u]

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Tom, Now that I have almost finished crying, and photo copied your beautiful message, I would like to say thank you, and surely you are a man to whom the Spirit of God speaks. I have found through this journey that it is a privilege to be brought to a place where we are held in God's arms. It is in this place, where if we seek Him with all of our hearts He will show Himself to us in the deepest of ways. I pray this your Mom's experience as well. There is no greater hope than our eternal hope in Jesus Christ, and as we walk by faith through this life wrought with pain, difficulty and trial, we may also find great joy in taking from this time the precious, priceless gift of knowing Him more, and looking forward to seeing His face. One day the suffering will all end, and for those of us who have put our faith and trust in Him we will have all of eternity to enjoy, no more tears.

God Bless you and your mom,
Cheryl

Dear Tom- You are an amazing son! How proud your beautiful mother must be of you!You are so right- prayer is powerful. It's what keeps me going minute by minute. God is so good to us to open our eyes that we may see and learn what is important in this world of His. I realize, too that we must not listen to doctors who are full of doom and gloom. Those who say we have a certain amount of time to live. They have been proven wrong over and over again and they are not God. He alone holds the power over life and death. When He decides we are finished here, He will take us home.Keep praying and keep that wonderful, optimistic and faithful Spirit that is an awsome gift you have been given. What you have shared with us is truly special and God-given. Thank you for taking the time to cheer us all up. I am going to light a candle for you, your mom and everyone on this website tomorrow when I go to Mass. ( I live near the Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa in Doylestown, Pa.) People come from all over the world to pray there. There is a beautiful chapel there and all over the walls are crutches, canes, rosaries, letters, etc. of those who have been helped. I am also going to pray with great fervor for the Researchers and I think if we could all focus on them and their important work, miracles may be imminent. (Tom- my mother just came in and I showed her your post. She is crying and asked me for a copy of it. She said, "Oh my God, what an inspiring person. Every man in the country should read this. What a great role model!" ) Here is a poem I wrote a few years ago that I'd like to share with you-----

THE CAREGIVERS

Time changes my beautiful mother- As the days melt into years,
While I helplessly watch-She is fading,
My heart aches with sorrow and tears.
Our roles are now reversing, And her voice grows meek and mild,
As I become the mother,
And she becomes the child.
The things she taught me I cherish, And remember from childhood days,
The happiness she brought me,
And her tender, loving ways.
I pray to our Father Almighty that I will always be-
As wonderful a mother
As my mother was to me.
She sang to me so sweetly as she tucked me into bed,
Now I shall do the same for her,
And kiss her precious head.
And when I was cranky or stubborn, She held on tighter to me,
Her words ring out in my memory,
"Patience, my dear is the key."
I was her sunshine and treasure, And she was the world to me then,
Now I'm the strong healthy mother
And my arms reach to hold her again.
All pressed and powdered she sits there-As I brush her soft silver hair,
It's my mother's love that sustains me,
But only her shadow is there.
And when her chair is empty, and my endless tears will flow,
I'll remember my sweet mother
As she was so long ago.
Someday in Heaven I'll find her- With a halo of gold that she earned
And I'll hug and thank my dear mother
For all the things that I learned.
And I pray she smiles and says softly,
"You're more than I dreamed you would be,
Whatever I did for you, my child,
You also did for me."

Catherine Walsh

Your message is uplifting. Thank you so much for caring.

But Tom, release yourself from any quilt that you carry about your Mom's "late birth" to you. You --and your Mom-- are not to blame.

Love and light,

Lisa

Cathy,

What an amazing poem! I didn't realize we had such a beautiful writer on our Board. Have you been published? If not, please try. You should share your talent with women, and men, everywhere.

Love and light,

Lisa

TOM I AGREE WITH EVERY THING YOU SAID..I FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT MY MOM WHO IS ALSO BATTLING THIS DISEASE...

Tom and Cathy and all of you: Wow, what can I say? Your posts not only brought me to tears but to sobs! I have a son like you, Tom, older and with 6 children and 11 grandchildren of his own now, but just as loving and caring and prayerful. I have a duaughter like that too and also some wonderful step children. I know how blessed your mother feels because I know how blessed I feel. The love you are showing her has great healing power, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally. And Cathy, what a wonderful poem you sent! I am going to print this whole thread off and share it with my husband and children. thank you so very much!! By the way, yesterday I read a small book a friend gave me, called "The Tattered Angel", by Blaine Yorgenson. It is the story of a little girl born without a brain, only a brain stem, who Blaine and his wife Kathy adopted. It is absolutely incredible, and will give you a whole new concept of the human spirit. this child was never supposed to feel or show emotion or have any senses of any kind, or even feel pain, just be a vegetable. She was only supposed to live a few months. She lived nearly 8 years and deeply touched the lives of everyone who came into her presence because her spirit was so powerful. Find it if you can and read it! Love, Tricia

For Cathy and Tom,

Thank you for posting the beautiful messages, I will definitely copy.

Cathy's right, the shrine is beautiful. People come from
all around by the busload to attend mass and the yearly festival.

Cathy, I live about TEN minutes from you, and the shrine,
just outside of Dublin, PA!
Cathy, please email me sometime.

Susan M

Sorry, forgot to add my email
aqua920@mindspring.com

[MGordon]

Tom -

Thanks for saying what all of us men should express to these wonderful women. Everytime I feel swamped, or if my boss tells me I have too much on my plate, I take one look at Lisa or visit this website and "No I don't - this is easy - that is tough".

Every week I see the physical/emotional/mental toll this disease, and the treatment of this disease, exacts on my love or the read the courageous posts on this site and I am in awe of the strength and willpower. I see Lisa feel weak and I feel helpless, but then I am absolutely floored by her strength to move onward and upward - pick herself up, dust herself off, and find someone she can help.

Inner resolve? Yes. Super-human strength? I'd say so! Divine intervention? Perhaps. Awe-insiping? Absolutely!

Lisa - thanks for helping me to learn the meaning of caring and strength. Christine and Joe - thanks for being sterling examples of "love your neighbor as you love yourself". To every "poster" and "lurker" browsing this website - God bless your strength and resolve! I pray that I would be as caring and loving if I were facing what you all face everyday.

Love and Light
Mel (spouse of Lisa)

WOW, all i can say is WOW!

Hi Tom,

For a relative of cancer survivor, you couldn't have described this any better! :-)