Just get me through this!

[Penny]

Hi everyone, I am a new member and have been reading the posts and think you are all amazing! I am 29 years old, I chose to have a bi-lateral mastectomy to hopefully increase my chances of living a long life without a recurrance. I then had 6 sessions of TAC(I just finished last week, yippie!) and now I will have my reconstructive surgery next week and then start the Herceptin at the end of the month for a year. My question to all of you is how to you get past the fear? I know everyday is a blessing and I am enjoying all life has to offer, but I don't want to be affraid forever. I was so healthy before the cancer, I'm a distance runner, avid organic eater, and I have been on flax seed. Any thoughts on how to get past the worrying would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
Penny Rebecca

[Margerie]

Penny,

I always ask my oncologist for a "do not worry pill", but he is fresh out LOL!

I am almost a year out of chemo. My onc did warn me it is normal to fall apart a little at the end of chemo- which I did. Finding the courage to be at peace takes time. I find for myself, finding out all I can and doing all I can to prevent a recurrance gives me the peace to enjoy life. I won't let breast cancer rob me of today!

I find this board and others a great opportunity for support and information. I am also lucky enough to know 2 other women in my area that just went throught the same thing.

Congrats on finishing chemo and best of luck to you!

Margerie

[heblaj01]

Penny,
The very fact that you came to this support group is a sign that you have not given up hope which is a major unrecognized factor in keeping all chances of full recovery on your side.
And encouragement you will find in plentifull supply in here from the members whenever you need it.

[Mary Anne in TX]

as time goes by. I found the first 6 months that I just had to be "Not Afraid" one day at a time! As I got into the end of my first year, I began to fear recurrances less and less. Not that I didn't know they might come someday, but I just quit fearing them so much. It is a "time heals all things" kinda disease for me. Today (in my 14th month) I don't get afraid much anymore. I know that I'm doing my part, my doctors are doing their part, and I have lots of prayers from those who care about me. Now, it's time to enjoy the moments and not give into the fear. I do give myself time each week to do lots of reading and sometimes when I do that, I get afraid for a short time. But it doesn't last anymore. I have 6 more weeks of radiation. (That is good for me because it is so obvious that I'm (the machine) is doing something) And I have 5 more months of Herceptin. Then, I don't know what they'll give me. But being able to see the end of the basic treatment helps tons for me.
Take it one day at a time and give yourself permission to be afraid and then work thru it.
Lots of good thoughts and prayers to you,
mary anne

[CherylS]

Penny,

Welcome. You didn't mention your complete diagnosis, but no mater what, we have so many wonderful treatments working for us now days. Don't look at old statistics. They are just that...old. Herceptin has changed the outcome of HER2 positive breast cancers, but hasn't been used long enough to enter in to them. You have found the best resource for information and encouragement on the internet. Best wishes.

[caya]

Penny,


I was recently diagnosed (Oct. 2006), underwent a mastectomy Dec. 18th, had my first chemo on Jan. 25. No history of any kind of cancer in my family either.
But this site is the best for Her 2 neu positive breast cancer - and the stats are old - so don't include us - we are the new frontier of this horrible disease - I truly believe it. You have to be positive, because all the latest trials have shown tremendous results with Herceptin and other therapies - making our prognosis much better.

Be well,
Caya in Canada

[MJo]

I am two months past Herceptin and 15 months past diagnosis. I am less afraid as time passes. Still, I am not as confident about my body as I was before cancer. I don't know if I ever will be that confident again. I think I will always be vigilant. I just read something: Today is a gift. That's why it's called The Present.

[dawn]

Hi Penny,

We all know how you are feeling and have been there. Im finished my chemo and rads now Im taking Herceptin every three weeks for a year and on Tamoxifen. I've been one of the lucky ones and had zero side effects to anything. Thank God. Everything is looking great so far, all scans and bloodwork are okay. But I still have those fearful moments. Not the panic attacks I had at the beginning. But just wondering what the future holds. For instance, I just put my two children to bed, tucked them in and a wave of, how many more times will I do this? hit me, but shake it off and try to continue on with some normalcy. I find coming to this board and just reading the posts sometimes gives me that pick up I need. Everyone here is fantastic and have been there with encouragement whenever I needed the little boost. It'll get easier. You're getting there.

All the best
Dawn

[Jean]

Dear Penny,

Realize that a diagnosis of cancer does not mean instant doom. In the beginning it is so very frightful. For me the very best thing I could do for
myself was learning everything I could and I started to calm down and
began to sort things out. This helped me gain knowledge (which you gain on this site we have the very brightest ladies and gentlemen). You will feel
more empowered and this will help you over come the fear. It does get
easier each day. As you already know, herceptin has changed the game
of Her2 greatly! (Thank God) and who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Each day brings us closer.

I welcome you and wish you all the best.

Best Regards,
Jean

[Mary Jo]

Hi Penny,

I take a little bit of what everyone else said. It's a process. It really is. It gets a bit easier with time and like someone else said, you learn to trust your body A LITTLE BIT but really never fully again. Afterall, we trusted them once before and cancer still invaded our body. But it's a fact that we learn to live with. Life is precious and God is good - no matter what - so we need to step out of the worry box, the best we can, and live our life to the fullest. One never knows - no one - so we can only do our best and live our life.

God Bless you sweetheart,

Mary Jo

[Lolly]

Dear Penny, you have taken a most necessary step in learning how to live after BC, and that's acknowledging the fear and reaching out for support. We each have our own coping strategies, and as time goes by it becomes easier and easier to live you life first, and worry about BC last. One day, you'll realize you've had a whole day go by with not one thought of cancer, and you'll know you've turned the corner. Cancer will always be a part of your life, but it won't rule your every thought and emotion and you will come to be grateful for the insight and compassion you've gained as a result of your fight.
Be strong, take one day at a time, and know that we're just a keystroke away when you need us

<3 Lolly

[eric]

Penny,

I can only talk as a caregiver, although every day I face the fear of losing my wife, who I love dearly. I know it's not the same but hopefully something I read here that helps me will also help you... "it can control how long you live, but not HOW you live".

Eric

[RhondaH]

I heard this when I was first dx and it IS true. While you are in the middle of treatment and going to the doctor often you WILL think about it, but the further you get away from treatment, the less you will think about it. Take a DEEP breath and let it out every time you find yourself feeling a little bit anxious and HUGGS from all of us, we know what your going through. Take care and God bless.

Rhonda

[Hopeful]

Penny,

I am Stage 1. Before I was dx, I was really concerned about having enough money to retire on (I was 52). I am a good saver, but have been furroughed from enough jobs to be nervous about it, seeing as my family is long lived (many well into their '90's). I am very happy to say, once dx with bc, I have not once worried about outliving my funds . I think it is all a matter of focus. Being able to continue working at a challeging job has done a world of good for my mental health, as it gets me out of myself. I also do a lot of volunteer service work (paperwork) for a number of organizations and that has helped, too. I am still too new to be able to put it completely away for an entire day, but I do find myself "coming up for air" after some of these projects I am working on and saying, "Hey! That was really good - I didn't lose my train of thought to bc for two whole hours!" So, I think it is incremental. Keep your mind active, even if treatments leave you too tired to get your body moving. Find something that you really have to focus on (i.e., crossword puzzles, handwork, taxes, anything) and you will be surprised how well you can do. I have hope that I will be able to go for longer stretches as I get further from dx. Hang in there and come "talk" to everyone here when you feel yourself going batty. As my boyfriend points out, that is the wonderful thing about the internet - you can log on 24/7, and get support right away. Best of luck to you!

Hopeful

[rinaina]

Penny, I am not sure the fear every completely leaves but it does leave for periods of time. Sometimes I don't think about it at all and then something will make me think of it. It can be something I read or something I see on TV or something I read on here. When it get to be too much, take a break from all the info especially if it is making you more afraid. I refuse to give into this cancer so I choose to think positively as much as I can. I just believe I will be a survivor and keep reminding myself of only positive outcomes. You have to use that stategy...Mind over matter. It can be difficult but I just made up my mind not to dwell on the negative and refocus only on the positive as much as I can...can't say it is 100% or even 75% but I keep working on it. Good luck.