wanting opinions

[michele u]

This is hard to write. You all are like family. Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. It's not a happy one. Me and my husband have been slowly drifting away for a couple of years. After the initial shock and the cancer, things changed. He wanted everything back to normal. We all know that's impossible. He has become controling and uncaring. He accuses me of not caring about my family when i put my needs in view. He makes me feel like i'm selfous, when i do things that make me happy like ride my horses. Our finances are not good due to mounting debt from medical bills. I have tried to keep it together for along time, but here i sit on a day that should be happy and i'm sad. Not even a card today. My mom see's what he is doing to me. And to top it off my 17 year old son came home drunk last weekend, for the first time, and my husband called the police on him. They came out and ticketed him. Everything seems like it is coming down around me. I feel like i'm doing everything wrong. If i'm not cooking or cleaning my husband thinks i'm not being a good wife. I love my kids and don't want to hurt them. He makes me feel like i'm not being a good mom. Has anyone had this experience with their loved ones? I hope not, but would love the advice. My mom knows that it's getting harder to stay. Here i sit and think if I do die from this my husband will get another life with someone else and be happy, and here i sit now being unhappy and don't get the new chance at happiness. sorry about being a downer but i know you all understand where i'm coming from.My husband came from a family that never showed love. I know he never saw how a good marriage should be, but after this long one would think he could understand. Thanks for letting me vent!