I Need a Pep Talk...Very Discouraged Today
Sisters,
I need a pep talk, from people who understand what I’m living.
I am usually upbeat and positive about my fight with BC.
But, today…not so much…
My chemo is over, except for Herceptin. I’m scheduled for a bilat. mast. with DIEP flap recon. On Oct. 7.
My onc told me months ago that she believed I’d be cured. Yesterday, when pressed, she clarified what she meant. She said something to the effect of, “the 5 year survival rate for women with your kind of cancer is very good, you only have about a 50/50 chance of recurrence.”
I was stunned. I’m walking through the fires of hell, with Taxotere, Neulasta, Adriamycin…multiple surgeries, and the fun of radiation still on the horizon…with a smile on my face, and a can-do attitude…and now you’re telling me in a perky, optimistic voice that I have a “very good chance of living 5 years?” I have sons who are 12 and 14. That doesn’t even get them out of high school. College? Weddings? What about those grandchildren I’ve been dreaming about!! I was crushed. I’m crying now, just remembering it.
And my poor husband. We’ve been together since we were 16 years old (that’s 30 years). I’ll never, ever forget the look on his face as we drove home yesterday. After six months of being strong and brave…he’s scared to death now.
I see on this site that some of you are several years out, still living a good life with stage IV disease, and I’m so inspired. But, I’m feeling betrayed that I was led to believe that they could “cure” me, only to find out that, cure doesn’t mean what I thought it meant.
Are there any stage 3 ladies out there who have finished treatment and are “cured”…by it’s normal definition, not the wacked out oncological statistics definition.
I want to be like TriciaK…21 years since diagnosis, and still living a good life.
Sorry to go on so long with my self pity…I told you…today is the least optimistic I’ve felt since being diagnosed. Thanks for listening. God bless all of you.
Denise
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1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
“ Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. ” – Cavett Robert
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