update I hate to give (with a little more positive spin)

[jml]

Oh Chris!
NoNoNoNoNO! That is all I can hear screaming in my head as the shocked,
frightened, heartbroken tears run down my cheeks. I'm sorry I can't put on
braver face right now, but I am devastated, selfishly devastated by this news.
I have been away from the boards for a few weeks now, dealing with all the
minutiae & frustrations of this stupid disease so to learn this, 10+ days since post - I'm in shock.
I wish I could be more eloquent right now and express the millions of things that are in my heart and head, let you know how important you've been to me in so many ways, for all of these years and how I wish we could have met in Book club or Garden club or just about any other club in the world so that we be connected...
You have been not only my inspiration, guide, educator, mentor, comic relief, but my Sister in Arms and I am not ready to let you go.
Regardless of what I want, what I really want it is whatever YOU want-prayers, peace, comfort for you an your family, anything, everything.
I am still Keeping the Faith, my friend, my sister,

Jessica

ps-we've spoken before briefly about my Traditional Chinese Medicine doc in San Anselmo, Marin County, who has guided me with my complimentary meds through the ~11yrs of my dx-his name is Michael Broffman at the Pine Street clinic...please turn to him for help & guidance if you are so inclined & able. He is available by phone and completely up to date in the new BC drugs, just approved and what's coming down the pipeline.