Quality of life, Depressed

Alice · 07-05-2006, 08:35 AM

I would like to hear from some of you considering the quality of life after treatment. I had chemo from 4/05 to 8/05 4 dose dense AC 4 rounds taxol herceptin carbo for 12 weeks then mast in 10/05 then 32 rounds of rads and herceptin alone from 1/06 to 5/06. My wbc's continue to be low.

Now I am back to work and it just seems that all I have energy for is to go to work and all my time off I rest.Are my expectations of feeling back to normal unrealistic? I hear of people getting back to their life as usual and being active, exercising,walking etc.
I don't want to necessarily get back to the rat race my life was before but I was very athletic before and I miss that part of it and I am wondering if I will ever feel healthy again.The thought of beeing in this body for 30 years feeling this way is a little hard to imagine.
I don't mean to ramble on I'm just feeling alone out there.

Thanks, Alice

tousled1 · 07-05-2006, 09:22 AM

Alice,

Although I am not stage IV, I can sympathize with how you are feeling. Every woman who has breast cancer must have some of the same thoughts. I was diagnosed October 25, 2005 and it seems like my entire "social" life revolves around doctor appointments and treatments. My blood counts get very low soI get injections every week to bring them up. Just when you start to feel "normal" - WHAM - they knock you down again. Just don't give up hope - take it one day at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

kristen · 07-05-2006, 09:31 AM

Hi Alice,

You are not alone. Some of us take right off again being busy as ever and some of us it just takes a while to get it all back. It took me a long time to get it back. Sometimes I wonder if it's the Carbo? You have to remember and I agree with tousled, that your body had been through so much and it just gets blasted it seems like with one thing or another. Hang in there, it does get better, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sherryg683 · 07-05-2006, 12:25 PM

I can relate. I worked out 5 days a week and played tennis 3 nights a week before my diagnosis. Was totally fit and in great cardio shape. I now feel like a snail in slow motion sometimes. I did 4 months of chemo and 7 weeks of rads. I am stage IV but in remission. I still play tennis a couple of days a week, I have yet to be able to hit the gym like I want to but I am working on it slowly. Whenever I do something strenuous like tennis it seems like I am dead the next 2 days. Before I could play 3 matches a day and not be affected. I think those of us that were athletic and in good shape are harder on ourselves afterward. I have 5 extra pounds on me that I am miserable with and determined to exercise off. My body just won't cooperate, I get sooo tired sometimes. It will get better eventually, I know. We just have to be patient. My friend ,who was diagnosed with cancer over a year ago just got finished doing a triathalon. She didn't do radiation though but I can remember her being very winded after her chemo, she worked herself back into shape and is doing great now...so there's hope..sherryg683

Peggy · 07-05-2006, 02:49 PM

Alice,

I have a very similar history, finished Herceptin in June. I also am frustrated at the rate of recovery. My counts are still low and my Onc said it will just take time. Everybody is different. Exercise or activity appears to be key, but like you I work and my workout times are very short. So, I guess the answer is just to remember our bodies are still healing and we are soooo much better than 6 months ago. Maybe six months from now we'll be running the marathon...or at least a 5K.

Peggy

DeborahNC · 07-05-2006, 04:07 PM

Alice,

I know you feel alone, I think we all do at one time or another on this journey, but please be assured that you aren't. Coping with BC along with all the other trials in life can be daunting and depressing.

I've just finished with Herceptin; less than two weeks ago. I'm hoping I can begin to get more energy and stamina now. I wasn't athletic before, but I could do lawn and garden work all day and still have energy to get dresed and go out for dinner in the evening. I feel lucky now to finish a 1 1/2 mile walk.

This is a good place to vent when you're depressed, angry, feel alone. There are ears who hear and understand.

fourboysmom · 07-05-2006, 06:44 PM

Dear Alice,

Your history was so similiar to mine. My chemo was Carbo/Taxotere/Herceptin also beginning in 4/05. Mastectomy in July, then 4 dense dose A/C till 11/05. Then 36 rads. Still getting Herceptin (going in the morning). Yeah...I'm tired, back to work. I so want to put this cancer thing behind me, permanently. I have down days too. It helps to know you are not alone in this. We may be on opposite ends of the country, but we aren't alone. Hang in there my friend!!!
P.S. I do think back on where I was a year ago. I was so much more exhausted, unable to work, wearing wigs in the heat of the summer and uncertain of the future. Things are so much improved 1 year later. You and I are both bouncing back...slowly but surely!! Love, Janet
email anytime

Alice · 07-05-2006, 08:44 PM

Thank you all for such wonderful replies.
I know I'm just being impatient and need to get back to finding the joy in each day even if its a different joy than I'm used to.Looking back at 6 months ago I couldn't have immagined doing half the things I'm doing now just think what another 6 months will do!
Before BC I used to ride horses almost every day.Today I went riding for the first time since diagnosis.It was wonderful.It was the first time in a long time I was riding just for the fun of it.Somehow between your responces and getting out there and riding it made me feel at peace with the beast(BC).
Thanks again, Alice