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Old 11-05-2007, 01:55 PM   #1
StephN
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Unhappy Vigil with my dad has ended

Dear Her2support friends:

My father chose to meet his Lord and Savior on a perfect, sunny day in Seattle at 10:50am. The sky was the color of blue that he always loved about his visits and reminding him of his college days at the University of Washington. That brilliant blue color was a reflection of his own crystal blue eyes onto the world around him.

My mom and 2 sisters are here and together we are setting the stage for dad's celebration of life later in the week. My brother is writing the obit. Dad slipped into a coma on Saturday and his passing was peaceful and without distress for him. I am very sad, yet that is being ameliorated by relief as the minutes tick by.

Here is something that one of our HER2 sisters sent me a while back that is SO appropriate to the way my dad lived his life. I think one of my nephews plans to read it at the service, if not one of my sisters.

Thank you for your love and prayers through all these difficult months.

What Will Matter
By Michael Josephson (Ethicist)


Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built,
Not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched,
Empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew,
But how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters
__________________
"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest." H.D. Thoreau
Live in the moment.

MY STORY SO FAR ~~~~
Found suspicious lump 9/2000
Lumpectomy, then node dissection and port placement
Stage IIB, 8 pos nodes of 18, Grade 3, ER & PR -
Adriamycin 12 weekly, taxotere 4 rounds
36 rads - very little burning
3 mos after rads liver full of tumors, Stage IV Jan 2002, one spot on sternum
Weekly Taxol, Navelbine, Herceptin for 27 rounds to NED!
2003 & 2004 no active disease - 3 weekly Herceptin + Zometa
Jan 2005 two mets to brain - Gamma Knife on Jan 18
All clear until treated cerebellum spot showing activity on Jan 2006 brain MRI & brain PET
Brain surgery on Feb 9, 2006 - no cancer, 100% radiation necrosis - tumor was still dying
Continue as NED while on Herceptin & quarterly Zometa
Fall-2006 - off Zometa - watching one small brain spot (scar?)
2007 - spot/scar in brain stable - finished anticoagulation therapy for clot along my port-a-catheter - 3 angioplasties to unblock vena cava
2008 - Brain and body still NED! Port removed and scans in Dec.
Dec 2008 - stop Herceptin - Vaccine Trial at U of W begun in Oct. of 2011
STILL NED everywhere in Feb 2014 - on wing & prayer
7/14 - Started twice yearly Zometa for my bones
Jan. 2015 checkup still shows NED
2015 Neuropathy in feet - otherwise all OK - still NED.
Same news for 2016 and all of 2017.
Nov of 2017 - had small skin cancer removed from my face. Will have Zometa end of Jan. 2018.
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Old 11-05-2007, 01:59 PM   #2
Vi Schorpp
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I'm so sorry

on the loss of your dad. My condolences to you and your entire family. I think the writing your nephew will read is beautiful to honor his life. It sounds like he lived it. I'm glad he went peacefully, but I know he will be terribly missed. Much love to you. Vi Schorpp
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Old 11-05-2007, 02:00 PM   #3
RhondaH
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Smile I'm sorry Steph...

my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care and God bless.

Rhonda
__________________
Rhonda

Dx 2/1/05, Stage 1, 0 nodes, Grade 3, ER/PR-, HER2+ (3.16 Fish)
2/7/05, Partial Mastectomy
5/18/05 Finished 6 rounds of dose dense TEC (Taxotere, Epirubicin and Cytoxan)
8/1/05 Finished 33 rads
8/18/05 Started Herceptin, every 3 weeks for a year (last one 8/10/06)

2/1/13...8 year Cancerversary and I am "perfect" (at least where cancer is concerned;)


" And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 11-05-2007, 02:19 PM   #4
Margerie
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I am so sorry for your loss Steph. I hope you see lots of Seattle blue to remind you of your dad's angel eyes. Peace be with you and yours..
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Are we there yet?


Dx 10/05 IDC, multi-focal, triple +, 5 nodes+
MRM, 4 DD A/C, 12 weekly taxol + herceptin
rads concurrent with taxol/herceptin
finished herceptin 01/08
ooph, Arimidex, bilateral DIEP reconstruction
NED
Univ. of WA, Seattle vaccine trial '07
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Old 11-05-2007, 02:19 PM   #5
kareneg
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Unhappy

My deepest sympathy to you and your family my dear friend.
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Love and Hope
Karen

IDC
DX 1998 STAGE I ER+/ PR+
AC CHEMO TILL FEB 1999
Tamxofin till 2001
2001 exstensive liver mets and mets to lungs
Started weekly taxol
Jan 2002 found out I was strongly HER2POS+++ started herceptin continued with taxol and herceptin till June 2002 then from June 2002 till Jan 2005 just herceptin and Arimidex
2005 Navelbine herceptin had RFA Then back on taxol with herceptin
April 2006 progression again went on clinical trial with tykrerb/herceptin progressed on the started Xeloda/ herceptin
Feb 2007 started Doxil
August 2007 Taxotere,Carboplatin and Herceptin exstensive mets to liver and pancreas
October 2007 Had to stop Carboplatin due to sever allergic reaction
Jan 2008
Stopped Taxotere due to progression now on Gemzar and Herceptin
March 2008 Starting Carboplatin, Abraxane, and Herceptin.
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Old 11-05-2007, 02:21 PM   #6
MJo
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All my sympathy, Steph. My father passed from this life in July 2002. I felt a lot of love around me in the months after that. I believe love lives on.
__________________
MJO

IDC, Stage I, Grade 2
Oncotype DX Score 32
Her2++ E+P+, Node Neg.
Lumpectomy 11/04/05 Clear Margins
3 Dose dense AC (Couldn't tolerate 4)
4 Dose dense Taxol & Herc. (Tolerated well)
36 weeks Herceptin (Could not complete one year due to decrease in MUGA score)
2 years of Arimidex, then three years of Femara
Finished Femara May 2011
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Old 11-05-2007, 02:49 PM   #7
Mary Anne in TX
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It's so very clear how much your dad passed on to you! How lucky he was to have had you all there and for you to have each other now! A celebration of life will be so fitting for his goodbye. Condolences to you and your family. ma
__________________
MA in TX.
Grateful for each and every day....

Diag. 12/05 at age 60
Stage II, Grade 3, 4.5 cm primary tumor
ER/PR- Her2 +3 strongly positive
Her2 by FISH 7.7 amplified
vascular invasion
Ki67 20% borderline
Jan - March '06 Taxotere/Adriamycin X 3 to try to shrink tumor - it grew
April '06 Rt Modified Radical Mas, 7 of 9 nodes positive
April - Aug. '06 Herceptin/Taxol/Carboplatin X 8 (dose dense)
Sept - Dec. '06 Navelbine/Herceptin x 8 (dose dense)
Radiation & Herceptin Jan. 22 - March 1, 2007
Finished Herceptin Dec. 10 '08! One extra year.
Port removed August, 2012.
8 1/2 years since diagnosis! 5 1/2 Years NED!
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Old 11-05-2007, 03:20 PM   #8
Andrea Barnett Budin
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Wink So sorry to hear your news...


Dear lovely Steph,

I just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. The loss of someone we dearly love is always too soon. Yet, somehow we must try to focus, as you obviously are, on celebrating that they were! And that they were a strong part of your life!

It is comforting to hear that your Dad passed on peacefully. I too cherish the heavenly blue color of the sky and there, some place in the Spiritual Realm, he is. Your Dad still *is*. He still exists. I do believe death is not the end of our story. The Soul moves on, in to another form of being.

I know you are grateful for the blessing of having him as your Dad, rather than lingering in what might have been. You will continue to carry him in your heart, in your thoughts, in your acts and words. The invisible essence of him will never die. His being will stay with you, echoing from your Soul...

You cannot see him, but your faith will tell you he has moved on. He is simply *someplace else*. Still, he is with you, and by your side. He cannot speak, but you can hear him well. His Spirit lives on...

With love,
Andi

__________________
Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...

'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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Old 11-05-2007, 03:28 PM   #9
fullofbeans
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My dear Steph,

I am so sorry to hear the news and my thoughts are with you in this difficult moment. I am glad that you found some confort in the weriting you enclosed and it is indeed a very beautiful piece. I am glad that it also was peaceful for you all.
__________________

35 y/o
June 06: BC stage I
Grade 3; ER/PR neg
Her-2+++; lumpectomies

Aug 06: Stage IV
liver mets: 6 tumours
July 06 to Jan 07: 2*FEC+6*Taxotere; 3*TACE; LITT
March 07- Sept 07: Vaccination trial (phase 2, peptide based) at the UW (Seattle).
Herceptin since 2006
NED til Oct 09
Recurrence Oct 2009: to internal mammary gland since October 2009 missed on Oct and March 2010 scan.. palpable nodes in May 2010 when I realised..
Nov 2011:7 mets to lungs progressing fast failed hercp/tykerb/xeloda combo..

superior vena cava blocked: stent but face remains puffy

April 2012: Teresa Trial, randomised to TDM1
Nov 2012 progressing on TDM1
Dec 2012 blockage of my airways by tumours, obliteration of these blocking tumours breathing better but hoping for more- at mo too many tumours to count in the lungs and nodes.

Dec 2012 Starting new trial S-222611 phase 1b dual egfr her2+ inhibitor.



'Under no circumstances should you lose hope..' Dalai Lama
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Old 11-05-2007, 03:30 PM   #10
Jean
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Dear Steph,
My deepest sympathy on the passing of your Father. His memory and all his wonderful teachings that he so generously gave to you will always remain within your heart.

Kind Regards,
Jean
__________________
Stage 1, Grade 1, 3/30/05
Lumpectomy 4/15/05 - 6MM IDC
Node Neg. (Sentinel node)
ER+ 90% / PR-, Her2+++ by FISH
Ki-67 40%
Arimidex 5/05
Radiation 32 trt, 5/30/05
Oncotype DX test 4/17/06, 31% high risk
TOPO 11 neg. 4/06
Stopped Arimidex 5/06
TCH 5/06, 6 treatments
Herceptin 5/06 - for 1 yr.
9/06 Completed chemo
Started Femara Sept. 2006
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Old 11-05-2007, 03:38 PM   #11
PinkGirl
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Hi StephN

I am so very sorry for your loss and send you and your family my deepest sympathy. There is no easy way to lose someone you love.

I watched my Dad's warm, blue eyes become tired, watery, blue eyes. I miss him so much. I wish you many, many happy memories of your Dad.... though you cannot always see the bird singing, when you listen with your heart, you can always hear his song.
__________________
PinkGirl

Dx Aug/05 at age 51
2cm. Stage 2A, Grade 3
ER+/PR-
Her2 +++

Sept 7/05 Mastectomy
4 FAC, 4 Taxol, no radiation
1 year of Herceptin
Tamoxifen for approx. 4 months,
Arimidex for 5 years
Prophylactic mastectomy June 22/09



" I yam what I yam." - Popeye

My Photo Album
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Old 11-05-2007, 04:07 PM   #12
Sheila
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Steph
I send my sympathy and prayers to you, your Mom and your family..how lucky your Dad was to have you close by near the end...and lucky for you to treasure these times....may you be at peace knowing that he no longer suffers, he is free, and his love will continue to surround you.
__________________
"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet
is fighting some kind of battle."



Hugs & Blessings
Sheila
Diagnosed at age 49.99999 2/21/2002 via Mammography (Calcifications)
Core Biopsy 2/22/02
L. Mastectomy 2/25/2002
Stage 1, 0.7cm IDC, Node Neg from 19 nodes Her2+++ ER PR Neg
6/2003 Reconstruction W/ Tissue Expander, Silicone Implant
9/2003 Stage IV with Mets to Supraclavicular nodes
9/2003 Began Herceptin every 3 weeks
3/2006 Xeloda 2500mg/Herceptin for recurrence to neck nodes
3/2007 Added back the Xeloda with Herceptin for continued mets to nodes
5/2007 Taken Off Xeloda, no longer working
6/14/07 Taxol/Herceptin/Avastin
3/26 - 5/28/08 Taxol Holiday Whopeeeeeeeee
5/29 2008 Back on Taxol w Herceptin q 2 weeks
4/2009 Progression on Taxol & Paralyzed L Vocal Cord from Nodes Pressing on Nerve
5/2009 Begin Rx with Navelbine/Herceptin
11/09 Progression on Navelbine
Fought for and started Tykerb/Herceptin...nodes are melting!!!!!
2/2010 Back to Avastin/Herceptin
5/2010 Switched to Metronomic Chemo with Herceptin...Cytoxan and Methotrexate
Pericardial Window Surgery to Drain Pericardial Effusion
7/2010 Back to walking a mile a day...YEAH!!!!
9/2010 Nodes are back with a vengence in neck
Qualified for TDM-1 EAP
10/6/10 Begin my miracle drug, TDM-1
Mixed response, shrinking internal nodes, progression skin mets after 3 treatments
12/6/10 Started Halaven (Eribulen) /Herceptin excellent results in 2 treatments
2/2011 I CELEBRATE my 9 YEAR MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7/5/11 begin Gemzar /Herceptin for node progression
2/8/2012 Gemzar stopped, Continue Herceptin
2/20/2012 Begin Tomo Radiation to Neck Nodes
2/21/2012 I CELEBRATE 10 YEARS
5/12/2012 BeganTaxotere/ Herceptin is my next miracle for new node progression
6/28/12 Stopped Taxotere due to pregression, Started Perjeta/Herceptin
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Old 11-05-2007, 04:14 PM   #13
Julie2
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I am sorry to hear the news Steph. Please share my sympathy to your family.

Julie
__________________
Diagnosed in Sept 2004 while pregnant with the second child. Stage 3b, tumor 4.5cm, 4 auxillary and supraclav node positive. Her2+++ FISH 9.4 and er-,pr-.
Had dose dense neoadjuvant AC,Taxol then mastectomy,radiation+xeloda+Herceptin.
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Old 11-05-2007, 04:49 PM   #14
lexigirl
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Dear Steph,

I am so sorry to read of your dear father's passing. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Hugs,
Lexi
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Old 11-05-2007, 04:55 PM   #15
hutchibk
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Deepest condolences to you and your family, Steph. My dad also had sky blue eyes.... your description and Pink's post made me think of my dad very warmly and poignantly today. I lost him in 2004. He, my mom, and my brother, all constantly shower me with love from their beautiful home in the heavenly clouds.
__________________
Brenda

NOV 2012 - 9 yr anniversary
JULY 2012 - 7 yr anniversary stage IV (of 50...)

Nov'03~ dX stage 2B
Dec'03~
Rt side mastectomy, Her2+, ER/PR+, 10 nodes out, one node positive
Jan'04~
Taxotere/Adria/Cytoxan x 6, NED, no Rads, Tamox. 1 year, Arimadex 3 mo., NED 14 mo.
Sept'05~
micro mets lungs/chest nodes/underarm node, Switched to Aromasin, T/C/H x 7, NED 6 months - Herceptin only
Aug'06~
micro mets chest nodes, & bone spot @ C3 neck, Added Taxol to Herceptin
Feb'07~ Genetic testing, BRCA 1&2 neg

Apr'07~
MRI - two 9mm brain mets & 5 punctates, new left chest met, & small increase of bone spot C3 neck, Stopped Aromasin
May'07~
Started Tykerb/Xeloda, no WBR for now
June'07~
MRI - stable brain mets, no new mets, 9mm spots less enhanced, CA15.3 down 45.5 to 9.3 in 10 wks, Ty/Xel working magic!
Aug'07~
MRI - brain mets shrunk half, NO NEW BRAIN METS!!, TMs stable @ 9.2
Oct'07~
PET/CT & MRI show NED
Apr'08~
scans still show NED in the head, small bone spot on right iliac crest (rear pelvic bone)
Sept'08~
MRI shows activity in brain mets, completed 5 fractions/5 consecutive days of IMRT to zap the pesky buggers
Oct'08~
dropped Xeloda, switched to tri-weekly Herceptin in combo with Tykerb, extend to tri-monthly Zometa infusion
Dec'08~
Brain MRI- 4 spots reduced to punctate size, large spot shrunk by 3mm, CT of torso clear/pelvis spot stable
June'09~
new 3-4mm left cerrebellar spot zapped with IMRT targeted rads
Sept'09~
new 6mm & 1 cm spots in pituitary/optic chiasm area. Rx= 25 days of 3D conformal fractionated targeted IMRT to the tumors.
Oct'09~
25 days of low dose 3D conformal fractionated targeted IMRT to the bone mets spot on rt. iliac crest that have been watching for 2 years. Added daily Aromasin back into treatment regimen.
Apr'10~ Brain MRI clear! But, see new small spot on adrenal gland. Change from Aromasin back to Tamoxifen.
June'10~ Tumor markers (CA15.3) dropped from 37 to 23 after one month on Tamoxifen. Continue to monitor adrenal gland spot. Remain on Tykerb/Herceptin/Tamoxifen.
Nov'10~ Radiate positive mediastinal node that was pressing on recurrent laryngeal nerve, causing paralyzed larynx and a funny voice.
Jan'11~ MRI shows possible activity or perhaps just scar tissue/necrotic increase on 3 previously treated brain spots and a pituitary spot. 5 days of IMRT on 4 spots.
Feb'11~ Enrolled in T-DM1 EAP in Denver, first treatment March 25, 2011.
Mar'11~ Finally started T-DM1 EAP in Denver at Rocky Mountain Cancer Center/Rose on Mar. 25... hallelujah.

"I would rather be anecdotally alive than statistically dead."
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Old 11-05-2007, 05:05 PM   #16
AlaskaAngel
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Blue skies

Steph,

Never did we think when his circumstances changed what it would be like, but you have been there throughout it all whether or not you always felt like it. I think the gift he left behind is what you are.

I especially hope that there will be some light shed on the new problems you have been having.

Best wishes to you and your family,

AlaskaAngel
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Old 11-05-2007, 05:07 PM   #17
Becky
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Dear Steph

I am very sorry about the loss of your dad. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace,
__________________
Kind regards

Becky

Found lump via BSE
Diagnosed 8/04 at age 45
1.9cm tumor, ER+PR-, Her2 3+(rt side)
2 micromets to sentinel node
Stage 2A
left 3mm DCIS - low grade ER+PR+Her2 neg
lumpectomies 9/7/04
4DD AC followed by 4 DD taxol
Used Leukine instead of Neulasta
35 rads on right side only
4/05 started Tamoxifen
Started Herceptin 4 months after last Taxol due to
trial results and 2005 ASCO meeting & recommendations
Oophorectomy 8/05
Started Arimidex 9/05
Finished Herceptin (16 months) 9/06
Arimidex Only
Prolia every 6 months for osteopenia

NED 18 years!

Said Christopher Robin to Pooh: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"
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Old 11-05-2007, 05:38 PM   #18
chrisy
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Steph, it is so hard to lose a parent, no matter how long the struggle has gone on. My thoughts are with you.
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Chris in Scotts Valley
June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?"
9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++
10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response!
04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED
04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial
06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin
01/08 Progression in liver
02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial
08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1
02/09 Continue NED
02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED
12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver
07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:(
12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:(
03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial

5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!!
8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!)
9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3
11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc
11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go.
2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go.
3/13 TACE procedure
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Old 11-05-2007, 05:45 PM   #19
juanita
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I am so sorry for your loss! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
__________________
dxd 9-04, lumpectomy,
st 1, gr 3, er,pr-, her2 +,
2 tac,33 rads,6 cmf
1 yr herceptin,
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Old 11-05-2007, 05:45 PM   #20
nitewind
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I'm very sorry for your loss, Steph. It's very hard to lose a parent no matter what our age. I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
__________________
Susan
Age: 61
dx: 5/25/06
2 cm/ 0 nodes
Lumpectomy rt breast on 7/26/06
ER/PR- / Her2+++
A/C x 4
finished taxotere 2/07
finished 33 rads
Herceptin finished 12/07/07 Yippee!
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