Keeping Your Mind Off of BC Fun things and posts that do not apply to BC |
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06-18-2013, 05:43 PM
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#81
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved
3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the
child screaming for sweets in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle;
and for junk food, cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Grandad is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and
Grandad says again in a calm and controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't
get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading
his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the incredibly patient gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there.
I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. A lot of mothers could learn a thing or two from your example.”
Grandad smiled, and the woman said, “William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William.......my gandson's name is Kevin."
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06-19-2013, 06:00 PM
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#82
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
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12-07-2013, 05:05 AM
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#83
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work..
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power
cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it, not me.
3 I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back
of her head.
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12-23-2013, 04:47 AM
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#86
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
Refrigerator magnet/ T shirt sayings:
“There’s only one more shopping
day until tomorrow.”
“Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for washing my face with spit on your hankie.”
These are some Patsy Clairmont thought up:
Menopause: a target for heat-seeking devices
Need a facelift? Try smiling!
Hormones: emotional chiggers
Trifocals: triple ripple
Paula
Isa 33:2 O Lord, be gracious to us, we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.
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05-11-2014, 10:51 PM
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#88
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: "Love never fails."
Posts: 5,809
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Happy Mother's Day ... Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
Thanks, Paula, for the neat links.
Hope all the Mothers here on the Board have had a happy Mother's Day.
__________________
Jackie07
http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/doctors-letter-patient-newly-diagnosed-cancer.html
http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/MultiMedi...=114&trackID=2
NICU 4.4 LB
Erythema Nodosum 85
Life-long Central Neurocytoma 4x5x6.5 cm 23 hrs 62090 semi-coma 10 d PT OT ST 30 d
3 Infertility tmts 99 > 3 u. fibroids > Pills
CN 3 GKRS 52301
IDC 1.2 cm Her2 +++ ER 5% R. Lmptmy SLNB+1 71703 6 FEC 33 R Tamoxifen
Recc IIB 2.5 cm Bi-L Mast 61407 2/9 nds PET
6 TCH Cellulitis - Lymphedema - compression sleeve & glove
H w x 4 MUGA 51 D, J 49 M
Diastasis recti
Tamoxifen B. scan
Irrtbl bowel 1'09
Colonoscopy 313
BRCA1 V1247I
hptc hemangioma
Vertigo
GI - > yogurt
hysterectomy/oophorectomy 011410
Exemestane 25 mg tab 102912 ~ 101016 stopped due to r. hip/l.thigh pain after long walk
DEXA 1/13
1-2016 lesions in liver largest 9mm & 1.3 cm onco. says not cancer.
3-11 Appendectomy - visually O.K., a lot of puss. Final path result - not cancer.
Start Vitamin D3 and Calcium supplement (600mg x2)
10-10 Stopped Exemestane due to r. hip/l.thigh pain OKed by Onco 11-08-2016
7-23-2018 9 mm groundglass nodule within the right lower lobe with indolent behavior. Due to possible adenocarcinoma, Recommend annual surveilence.
7-10-2019 CT to check lung nodule.
1-10-2020 8mm stable nodule on R Lung, two 6mm new ones on L Lung, a possible lymph node involvement in inter fissule.
"I WANT TO BE AN OUTRAGEOUS OLD WOMAN WHO NEVER GETS CALLED AN OLD LADY. I WANT TO GET SHARP EDGED & EARTH COLORED, TILL I FADE AWAY FROM PURE JOY." Irene from Tampa
Advocacy is a passion .. not a pastime - Joe
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05-16-2014, 07:40 AM
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#89
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Junior Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
I know that it has beed few days since Mother's day, but thank you for that link it really made my day
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06-08-2014, 04:21 AM
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#90
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it."
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08-28-2014, 04:39 AM
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#91
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To Me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?"
"To Me, it's a penny."
"God, may I have a penny?'
"Wait a minute."
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08-29-2014, 11:36 PM
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#92
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 78
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
Why do women have hemorrhoids more then men?
Because men are already perfect a**holes.
__________________
Steriactic biopsy July 2011 for microcalicificarions - negative
Mammogram 2012, 2013 no change
Mammogram July 8, 2014, more microcalcifications and mass (10mm per radiologist)
Diagnostic Mammogram July 10, 2014
Steriactic Biopsy July 15, 2014
July 21 given diagnosis DCIS and IDC upper, Outer quadrant of right breast
ER Pos >95%. PR Pos 90%, HER-2-neu positive (score +3) Grade 3
Breast surgeon on July 29, 2014 says 2 cm
MRI states only mild to moderate bilateral physiologic background parenchymal enhancement with uptake on intermammary nodes
BRCA tests all negative :)
August 8 port placement. Lung partially collapsed. On oxygen until further notice
August 9, '14 started TCPH therapy with nuelasta shots. 6 cycles @ 3 weeks
5th treatment T and C dosages lowered due to bad neuropathy
6th and last TCPH changed to PH only for Dec 1st
Lumpectomy and node biopsy Dec 2
100% complete response from TCPH neoadjuvent therapy: tumor completely gone-dead cells only. Node completely free of ANY cells. Staged at 0! Margins clear from 4mm-10mm from dead cells.
2 week period following surgery went in for draining of Hematoma that filled surgery void area in breast 3 times
Continued with Herceptin only December 22, 2014 @ 3 weeks until ???
Started radiation Jan. 7, 2015 plan is for 16-20 rads
january 25th 2015 last radiation completed. Stopped at 16 due to Seroma (void in breast is filled with fluid)
January 30 Tamoxifan started
Still on oxygen, tamoxifen side effects kicking my butt. Seeing a gastro dr. due to a lot of stomach issues.
July 2015 - 3D mammogram nervous as all hell - but came back clean!!!! YEAAH
March 2016 - only using oxygen at night! Stomach issues better and trying to wean off the heartburn meds. Am hoping to get reconstructive done Jan 2017.
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08-30-2014, 03:40 PM
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#93
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
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10-03-2014, 02:46 AM
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#94
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
What did one strand of DNA say to the other strand of DNA? "Do these genes make me look fat?"
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
A sign at a music shop: "Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet."
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09-11-2016, 02:36 AM
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#95
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
A philosopher says to a linguist, "What if instead of periods, women had apostrophes?" The linguist replied, "They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions."
Ha!
Paula
My blog: http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/
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09-11-2016, 05:50 PM
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#96
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 570
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
Hahaha! too short, must laugh longer Hahahahahaha!
__________________
Tracy Arcari
___________________________________________
11/12 BSE ignored the lump for SIX months.
5/1/13 IDC ER/PR- HER2/neu+++
5/14/13 Mastectomy and SN biopsy
5/20/13 IDC Stage IIb Grade 3 Nodes 1/4 also IDC and DCIS multi focal in remaining dissected tissue.
5/30/13 MUGA and CT thorax, abdomen & pelvis, establish baseline.
6/4/13 Installed my little purple power port.
6/14/13 Chemo started TCH
6/14/13 Informed of suspicious ares on scans scheduled PET.
7/1/13 PET Scan NED!
9/27/13 FINAL CHEMO taken! ----well, maybe not.
10/15/13 Three little tattoos.
10/24/13 Radiation begins and fourth tattoo placed.
11/27/13 Perfectly radiant! Radiation completed the day before Thanksgiving and so, so much to be thankful for this year and every day hereafter.
1/2/14 Happy New Year, you have a Goiter? Muga down to 59%.
1/17/14 Hashimoto's Dz Dx'd. Now maybe I'll feel BETTER!
5/2/14 Herceptin completed! New kitten!
8/19/14 Prophylactic mastectomy (right) and PORT OUT! I'm DONE and now I really am a SURVIVOR.
2/15 Started not feeling so swell. Memory lapses and GI issues with nausea and blurry vision.
4/30/15 U/S cystic gallbladder, cyst on right ovary and mass in my uterus. GYN consult scheduled---and cancelled. I'm not ready.
5/4/15 Brain MRI clear (big sigh of relief)
7/30/15 Back Pain
8/31/15 Radiograph: compression fracture L2
9/10/15 Bone Scan positive
9/21/15 CT scan conclusive for tumor
10/1/15 CT guided biopsy & Brain to Pelvis MRI reveal additional lesions on spine C6, T10, T11 and L2 is collapsing.
10/8/15 Abbreviated pathology: new tumor(s) poorly differentiated carcinoma consistent with known breast primary.
ER-/PR+ (40%) HER2/neu+++ Ki-67 4% Pancytokeratin AE1/3 Strong Positivity in all malignant cells.
10/13/15 Abnormal Dexa: moderate risk of fracture to both femoral head/neck R&L. Significant risk to lumbar spine.
10/14/15 Radiation consult back to the cooker.
10/20/15 MUGA 50% down from 54% after a year off Herceptin (???)
10/21/15 Kyphoplasty L2
10/22/15 Re-start Chemo: Perjeta, Herceptin & Taxotere
10/26/15 PET Scan confirms C6, T10-11, L2, new lesion noted at L4 but no visceral involvement---Happy dance!!!
10//29/15 Xgeva
10/29/15 Radiation Simulation--three new tattoos to add to my collection. Just call me Dotty.
10/30/15 CA27-29 63 U/mol (<38 U/mol)
11/3/15 First Trip to see Dr. E. Mayer at DFCI
11/4/15 Surgical consult to re-install my little purple power port.
11/9/15 Radiation treatment one of five.
11/10/15 Installed my little purple power port and not a moment too soon, took them four tries to get an IV started today.
Yes, we really are going down this road again.
12/5/15 CT for suspected pulmonary embolism demonstrates increase in T10-11 mets.
12/8/15 Bone Scan uptake at T10-11 (not seen 9/17/15) & Right 8th Rib (not evident on PET 10/26/15)
12/10/15 Consult Re: PROGRESSION. Halt THP due today. Schedule PET and order TDM1 for next week. PLAN B.
12/14/15 PET scan: NO PROGRESSION! THP is working, metabolic activity minimal. Merry Christmas to me! Sticking with PLAN A, it's working.
1/7/16 Start Taxol weekly instead of Taxotere (has been too taxing and not rebounding between txs.) Zometa instead of Xgeva.
3/28/16 CT shows new sclerotic lesions on T12, L3, L5, L6, right ilium and head of right femur. No uptake on Bone Scan (progression????)
3/31/16 Discontinue Taxol start Arimidex, still getting H&P.
6/2/16 Discontinue Arimidex and start Exemestane.
6/18/16 PET is NEAD!!
7/1/16 Discontinue Exemestane and restart Armidex (SEs)
8/29/16 CT/Bone Scan Stable (still uptake at T10-11)
10/3/16 BSO pathology negative
10/10/16 MRI: Brain clear!
10/14/16 Switched care to Harold Alfond Center for Cancer Care
11/24/16 Xgeva, New MO preference to Zometa
12/12/16 CT/Bone scan Mostly stable significant uptake at L2 plan to PET
1/12/17 PET shows NEAD celebrate with a new puppy!
3/29/17 CT & BS = NEAD
7/31/17 Aetna denies access to H&P <gearing up for a fight>
8/4/17 CT& BS= STABLE
8/9/17 No treatment, Aetna still denying H&P
8/14/17 Aetna appeal approved H&P through February 2018!
2/5/18 CT & BS = STABLE
//
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09-12-2016, 04:46 PM
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#97
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
>Hahaha! too short, must laugh longer Hahahahahaha!
What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A receding hareline.
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11-16-2016, 04:55 AM
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#98
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Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 7
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
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11-21-2016, 03:55 AM
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#99
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
I posted a whole bunch of Thanksgiving riddles and a turkey cartoon in my blog today if you want some corny stuff to pass along this week : http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/archives/1656
It used to be that I could highlight, copy, and paste cartoons and put them here in this section but does't seem to work any more (It'll just describe the image in a word when pasted---not so funny! )
The real treasure there is the Bald Headed Ballerina--WOW! Whatdayathink?! No stopping that gal, huh?!
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12-17-2016, 03:55 AM
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#100
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 954
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Re: Anybody have any jokes they can share?
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!” The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
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