Dating when Stage IV

[NEDenise]

Marie,
In the spirit of full disclosure...I haven't been on a first date in over 30 years.
That said...my advice is...go for it! You deserve fun as much, and maybe more than, any woman your age. You are lovely, charming, warm, and you have a terrific sense of humor! What man wouldn't want to spend time with you!?

As many of our friends have queried...why do you want to date?

If it's for fun and companionship...

...then, I think you should tell your new 'friend' about your cancer on the date after the one when you reveal your annual salary, and your weight...which is to say, on the first Tuesday after NEVER!! He's not going to pay your bills or take care of you physically, so it's none of his business!

If however, you stumble across a gentleman that you find you'd like to spend your life with...

...then he has a right to know what he's signing up for. He needs to know how vastly underpaid you are (aren't we all) and, how many extra pounds you're carrying (you can safely shave a few off - and still feel honest). If he's sticks around after those two tidbits...then, and only then, you might want to share your diagnosis.

That's just my opinion...I could be wrong.
Denise

[greenacres]

I also say GO FOR IT - do you what you feel is right in your heart, be upfront and honest and I agree that if they can't handle what you are going through, they don't deserve you!

Jacqueline, you story of the man you met is very heartwarming!

[Bunty]

Where is the "Like" button??? I like so many of your replies - they have provided me with much food for thought, strategies, smiles, and hope! This is the kind of conversation I would love to be sitting with you all over a glass of wine sharing our stories face to face - I'll just have to imagine that's the way it is.

A number of you have asked 'why do I want to date'? I'm not sure I have an absolutely clear answer, but as I said in my original post, intimacy (physically and mentally), is something that I'm seeking. I have some very close friends (female and male), and we are very close and they would do anything for me, but it's just knowing that there is someone who will be there for the good times and the bad. And yes, I've been in a few very long time de-facto relationships, and I know it's not always that 'dream'. (Also, I think my friends might not be that keen on the physical intimacy side of things - there's only so many things you can expect from your friends!)

I see the merits in your opinions about when to disclose, how much to disclose, etc. Denise, you are funny, but it does make sense when you liken it to salaries etc. It's just I think there will be some questions, as my port is quite prominent, and unless I want to dress like a nun for the next few months, I may have to be ready with some replies. (Thank goodness we are heading into winter!) But at the end of the day, I'm aiming to keep it fun and easy going to start with, and just play it all by ear.

I suppose I would like to meet someone to share big ideas with, and also importantly the small stuff too. I'm not lonely by any means, but just want a change from being alone. Lately I've been thinking of taking up some new interests such as going back to doing some charity work, or going back to study a little more philosophy. I have wondered whether this interest in dating again might be linked somehow - that it's an adventure, and something to take an interest in.... I'll have to think about that more as it's probably not the best intention!

Anyway, I've done a 360 degree turn on my online dating profile this week and radically re-wrote it, and then activated it tonight before I went to a book club dinner party. I'm home now about 6 hours later, but I'm not checking in until tomorrow!

Amy, you are right about it being like a resume - we really do sell ourselves all the time I reckon in life, either consciously or unconsciously. And there's the start of possibly another big conversation about co-dependency etc, but I'm going to bed!

Good night!
Marie