It's Happened Again

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hi there Maryanne,

Been thinking about your post. And you too, often BTW. You have such a great energy!

Are you speaking about building up a hardened shell around your heart? Like when you've been so deeply wounded and disappointed that you feel you need to protect yourself from further hurt?

Yes, you're right. What that does in the long run is keep you from participating in the Oneness we all share. With one another, and with All That Is. We are closed to receiving Universal Love or seeing our blessings and the beauty around us. We seal ourselves off, walling ourselves in, isolating ourselves. So no wonder, we then feel alone.

Midst my 2nd round of shock and awe chemo, after my recurrence, I would virtually languish in bed, in pain from head to toe, nauseous and out of it, but in the evenings I would push myself to get up, shower and dress and go out to dinner with my DH Paul, and often with my favorite friends. It was enormously therapeutic! And good for Paul who was even more scared I was going to die than I was, if that were possible.

Mostly, I had a smile on my face. When asked how I was I would answer 2 ways. Today wasn't a good day, but tomorrow will be better. Or I'd simply say, Good. I'm alive. And thrilled to be here.

But surely, I had my moments. The dark, fear-riddled ones and the little pity parties I would feel swept away by. I recall sitting in a local restaurant and for some reason I turned and glanced back into the long room. It was filled with well dressed people chattering and laughing away. I thought -- They have no idea what it is like to be where I am. They are like Innocents, speaking of inanities, the latest trip, most recent jewelry purchase, problems with their pools, their manicurist and such.

And there I was, feeling like I had the worst flu I had ever experienced in my entire life, fighting not to pass out, clammy and swept with chills, and you know what I mean. Who but all my Sisters and Bros on this board know better, after all?

But I would consciously bring myself back to Life and the love I felt at my table (with people I treasured, talking about things of matter and wanting my input). I reminded myself of my blessings and embraced them with a new passion that came with the threat of losing it all.

I stopped the noise and voice in my head and I went within to make contact with my Essence.

Another time I will tell you about my weird experience with electrical jolts. In response to you, Harriecanariebird, referring to me as being in need of a surge protector. We are all energy, you know. And when we are *connected* to our vibrant Spirit we are really charged up!!

Sending happy, healthy energy to y'all, with love,

Andi

[PinkGirl]

It was filled with well dressed people chattering and laughing away. I thought -- They have no idea what it is like to be where I am. They are like Innocents, speaking of inanities, the latest trip, most recent jewelry purchase, problems with their pools, their manicurist and such.

When you finished your treatments, did you go back to being like these people ... talking about trips, jewelry purchases, manicurists etc.???
I remember looking at people and thinking that they had no idea how horrible I felt ... do you think we have a right to do that? When we're not sick, are we supposed to be thinking about the people who are sick and be grateful we're well? Just wondering .... I think about this when people say "you have no idea.......". Are we supposed to? By the way, I am still sick.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

My Pink One,

I never was one of those people, but I surely saw the world anew as a result of death by cancer scare, my loss of a breast, my chemo experience and all...

I have felt that "OTHERS HAVE NO IDEA* as a result of childhood traumas, major crises in my life. I think we have all felt that at times. It is a natural human thought, which never seems to fail to surprise. But as it does, I believe it edifies! We become softer, gentler, kinder, more compassionate and empathetic, more giving and understanding, wiser and more than we were before!

Those who haven't experienced *canser* often say they don't want to call friends who have been diagnosed. They don't know what to say. They avoid them in supermarket aisles. Hiding. Ill equipped to ease the pain of another they once called Friend.

I tell them that it always seemed to comfort me when people told me, I can't stop thinking about you. I am so sorry you have to go through what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. I think about you every day.

When I try to comfort friends who have lost a spouse or still worse, a child, a grandchild, I cannot say I understand how you must feel. THANK GOD!!! But I want you to know I grieve with you. My heart aches for you. I love you. I care. I believe the one who has passed on (to the Spiritual Realm) still exists. Death is not the end of the story. And your Loved One is surely at peace. Watching over you. Wanting you to live your life with even greater passion and enthusiasm.

And Pinkie, I surely hope your horrid flu of 2 wks soon passes. I am proud of you for nursing yourself all along. Drinking lots of fluids, OJ, taking lots of C and zinc, etc., etc., etc. I know how distasteful all that is to you, but I am elated that you are doing all within your power to get back to Life!

Everyone of us is fighting a battle. Many silently. Yet it is a reality we should try to remember (especially when someone is acting like a jerk). I am NOT referring to anyone specifically. Just a general realization I have come to Know...

Love to all.

Andi

[harrie]

Hello Andi!
Sorry it took so long to get back to your post. In regards to:
Are you speaking about building up a hardened shell around your heart? Like when you've been so deeply wounded and disappointed that you feel you need to protect yourself from further hurt?
The hardened shell is a biproduct of the ego's reaction to life experiences and issues from the past. It forms over the Spirit, the function of which is to protect and insulate the Self from harm and fears.
Our Spirit is the purest energy within ourselves and contains a powerful amount of force. I believe you have the ability to minimize the amount of insulation (or hardened shell) that your ego can build up around your spirit if allowed to do so. For that reason, I think you are able to emit much more energy outward then most people do.
And that is why you run into problems with computer malfunctions and lightening experiences.
So what do you think? Are my ideas far-fetched?
HarrieCanarie

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hello Maryanne,

I believe that if we live with an open heart, which I learned to do over time, I am in fact inviting and magnetizing Universal Energy of like quality. I have chosen to be a vessel of pure, radiant Universal Love. It is highly charged, very true. It is a force to be reckoned with. It blesses my life, returning my output tenfold!

These ideas are thought of as goony goo perspectives by some. I guess those people simply aren't ready yet to open to such possibilities. Fortunately for us, Einstein, Edison, Newton, the Wright Brothers and so on proceeded with minds that were open to what others saw as impossibilities. They were laughed at, chided, ridiculed, seen as fools. I have no problem here. I Know what I Know, just as Dennis Slamon KNEW Herceptin would work, even as others were hesitant to fund his clinical trials to prove that to be so. Now, he is a hero. Surely he is MY HERO!

Imagination is even greater than knowledge, Edison noted. He let his mind wander into strange territory and the fruits of his labors, along with the above mentioned, changed the world!

You are not far-fetched, Harriecanarie. You are bravely OPEN and discovering new ideas that can only serve to better our lives...

With love,

[Mary Jo]

Sorry Andi and Harriecarrie but all this talk about energy/magnets etc. I feel like I'd be walking around getting shocked all the time with static electricity or sucked into something cause I'm a magnet. The visual just struck me funny and had to share. Hahahahahahahaha!

God's Peace to you two energy bunnies.

Mary Jo

[Soccermom]

Hmmm...and I thought it was just me that could make streetlights turn off just by passing by...hmmm
Hugs,M

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I also get a lot of good, quick parking spots!

Just send out the desire with passion and watch it manifest...