Now this is nice to hear...less of us are kicking the bucket from BREAST CANCER - Page 2

Carol Carlson · 02-16-2008, 02:40 PM

Jean,
I went on this site many times when I felt as though I needed information and a boost from this "icky "disease. I always felt so much support and caring from members. I have recently been back on and have noted a remarkable decrease in the number of posts ( unless I'm missing something ).
Your post about using the phrase " kicking the bucket" is so benign I can't imagine anyone actually being offended by it. I thougt it was pretty funny and to the point.
However, in this day and age, it doesn't take much to offend !!!!!
Anyway, have a nice break and keep up your sense of humor... I know many times that's what has kept me going.
Take care,
Carol
Dx. 3/04 idc 2.2. cm, 3dcis,4/18 nodes positive , partial mastectomy,
Ax. node dissection , chemo , rads and herceptin
p.s. hope the word " icky" didn't offend anyone...

harrie · 02-16-2008, 03:39 PM

Jean, I don't blame you for taking a break. Breaks from anything can be very valuable and theraputic.
Please come back though, ok? You will be missed.
Take care and looking forward to your return, hopefully soon.
Aloha, Maryanne (harrie)

Andrea Barnett Budin · 02-16-2008, 03:39 PM

Sweet Jean,

You have been a wonderful friend to me, and to all of us, since forever!! I cherish your wisdom, your advice, your always informative and supportive posts, your kindness and your radiant Spirit! I cannot imagine this board without your invaluable input. It would be a grave loss to all of us.

I *know* you would never intentionally hurt or offend anyone. It is against your very nature. Please reconsider, feeling driven away by the harshness of some. I truly understand how disheartening such comments can be when you are simply being you and speaking from your heart. Meaning no harm. Trying to brighten others' day...

Humor is essential to our healing process and our sanity. I'm always up for a good laugh. Even at my own expense. Your little touch of levity was fine in my book, especially coming from the source! Do not change a thing about what makes you so very special, Jean. We love you and need you!!

I suppose we must resign ourselves to the fact that some will put words and intentions in our mouths that do not belong. People become defensive in some of the strangest places, over things we never saw coming. Unfortunate to be sure.

But, Jean, far too many value you and cringe at the thought of you being driven away. Let's chalk it up to having a really bad day. I pray the rest of this day, and most of your tomorrows will be full of the love and respect that embody you. I treasure you for all you are, and I can see most concur with this attitude. With loving, positive energy...

Your Sister,
Andi

Patb · 02-16-2008, 04:41 PM

Jean
Andi says it all. Humor is essential, in everyones life. Knowing you, it would never be used in the wrong sense. Please come back, we all value
your informative post and your genuine caring.
patb

sassy · 02-16-2008, 04:47 PM

I have always found self deprecating humor helps me to deal with BC. One of my first lines after being diagnosed was "I'll keep you abreast of the situation". It works for me for not for all.

I think "No harm, no foul", usually applies to most of our expressions.

StephN · 02-16-2008, 06:40 PM

Dear Jean and All -
I have used "kick the bucket" and "still kicking" MANY times myself in reference to myself when asked how I am doing. Just the image of an old unpolished boot giving a good one to a well-used and dented old bucket keeps me using the terms. I don't mean to play down the seriousness of dying or our cancer, but also can't go around in a Grim Reaper outfit.

So, Jean, thanks for posting this article as I believe it bodes well for many of us fast approaching our 60's and up that we WILL do the bucket thing from some other cause.

The article stated:
"While 60 percent of women in the trial died of causes not related to breast cancer, this figure jumped to 72 percent among women 70 years and older. Two factors were associated with cause of death. Women with pre-existing heart disease were more likely to die of non-cancer causes, and women with pre-existing osteoporosis were at greater risk of dying from cancers other than breast cancer. Women were more likely to die from breast cancer if cancer cells had spread to the lymph nodes. "

5000 women were followed for 4 years, so you know they were an older group than the likely average here.

AlaskaAngel · 02-16-2008, 07:08 PM

I did find the phrase somewhat unpleasant in this context, but what I value most here is that regardless we support each other in honoring each other's opinions when politely and thoughtfully said. Thank goodness for any ability we have here in this place to mention our concerns and share our thoughts honestly without fear.

AlaskaAngel

Becky · 02-16-2008, 07:16 PM

Hey Jean

You jump, I jump

BonnieR · 02-16-2008, 07:19 PM

I am very sorry that one sentence stating my reaction to a phrase has resulted in such an uproar. I merely expressed my opinion. Obviously it was a minority opinion. But it was not intended as a personal attack. It would be too bad if Jean took a break on my account.
But I certainly feel very unwelcome here now.

Bill · 02-17-2008, 12:10 AM

No, No, No, let's all just sit on the beach awhile, and listen to the gulls squawking, and the waves crash and roll the warm water up onto our feet. Nobody talk.........just me, Bonnielass, Jean, and Beckie hanging out on the beach, waves crashing, the warm sun caressing us, watching children build their sand-castles, their cackles of joy washing over us. Jean says,"you know, I really meant no harm, I was just trying to be lighthearted," A small crab rolls in the surf between Bonnielass's feet, she gently toes it back into the receding wave, " I know, Jean, I just didn't understand at first,". Becky gets out of her beach chair, stretches in the sun, and says, "well, it sounds like everything is okay then, right?" I get up from my beach chair, and say," yeah, I think we're all on the same page now. You are all a huge benefit to the her2 website and nobody needs to go anywhere." I notice that you all are starting to look a little sunburned, so I line you up and rub a little suntan lotion onto your shoulders as we wade out to my yacht, and climb aboard. "You ladies go below deck and rest up. I'll wake you in a few hours after we've set sail and dinner is ready."

mcgle · 02-17-2008, 02:05 AM

As a Brit, I am familiar with this phrase, and certainly would not take offence at it.

Mcgle (UK)

Joanne S · 02-17-2008, 03:09 AM

<TABLE id=hlth_subCatContainer cellSpacing=3 cellPadding=3 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top align=right><NOBR>Did You Know</NOBR></TD><TD vAlign=top align=right>-</TD><TD>While the incidence of breast cancer cases is rising, the mortality rate from breast cancer is decreasing </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

News From The Journal Of The National Cancer Institute

Let's not miss the point of this article! This is good news ...

(1) As breast cancer treatments are improving, many breast cancer patients are surviving longer.

(2) Additionally, many breast cancer patients have died or are at risk of dying from causes unrelated to breast cancer.

Thanks Jean!

Jo

Mary Jo · 02-17-2008, 06:57 AM

Hello ladies and gentlemen (nice pic of you and your "bride" Bill - thanks for sharing)

I should probably just let it rest now but just had to say.....we are all as close as a family..........AND......sadly, at times..............we who love each other so much and spend so much time together...........sometimes................ruffle each others feathers. It's never intended for harm.........it's never intended to hurt...........but sometimes it does just that.

Whoever was hurt............please don't let it hurt you........

Just wanting to offer a prayer of peace for us all.......

GROUP HUG.....

Mary Jo

Gerri · 02-17-2008, 07:39 AM

...you are the best! No one could have done a better job than that of putting things into perspective.

Thank you.

Peace,

nitewind · 02-17-2008, 11:14 AM

Bill, you have refreshed my soul with your post. I'd love to be on a beach by the ocean just listening to the wonderful sounds, Ane heading for a yaught to rest while dinner is being prepared.......aaahhh, you almost made me feel like I was really there.
Thank you for being you.
Hugs

BonnieR · 02-17-2008, 12:11 PM

I can't resist a man who offers to cook! What's for dinner?

Chelee · 02-17-2008, 03:45 PM

I'm sorry to hear that someone could possible take anything that Jean said as insensitive. That's a real shame. Jean has a heart of gold and would never say anything she thought for a second might hurt or upset someone. I sure hate to see her take a break from this board as her input is very valuable here and needed by many. But I must say I can relate to how she's feeling about now.

I quit posting along time ago. The only time I post is to answer someone else. But I am no longer comfortable to ask the questions I have now, & I really miss that. I feel lost now & have no way to get answers. I search in vain and do lots of home work but that doesn't always help.

I posted a question about "FSH" along time ago and was attacked by someone here and made to feel like any 2nd grader could of found the answer to my question. It was a very nasty attack from this person & uncalled for. That was one thing I never thought would ever happen on this board of all places. Thankfully I had ALOT of PM's from people that felt bad that this person was so mean to me. The other women told me to keep posting & ignore this person. But I just don't want to take the chance of that happening again. I can't express just how hurtful that was to me.

I hope this board can get back to the way it use to be when I first joined it. I was so impressed with the way this entire group got along. I've been on many boards LONG before bc and I had never came across a group of people that got along as well as this one. We can't afford to lose women like Jean, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone's contributions are important and add value to this board.

Chelee

Jackie07 · 02-17-2008, 05:30 PM

I think we all got a little bit over-sensitive here. To a foreing born person like me who's mother tongue is not English, none of those expressions mean anything out of the ordinary to me. Since there is a movie called "the Bucket List", that expression really could be treated as a light-hearted "three-letter-word"

As a group designed to support each other in this difficult time under tremendous pressure - physically, mentally, spiritually..., I think we need
to all feel free to express ourselves without feeling pressured to "shut-up".

And we can all respect each other as fellow survivors. All these expressions of feelings are healthy and helpful. A group grow more mature when it is able to resolve conflict. We become close-knit after we know each other better. And that can only happen when we post, when we communicate, when we solve problems together...