Response to my request to continue herceptin.

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

QUICK UPDATE: DX '95 STAGE 4 INVASIVE LOBULAR CARCINOMA + 2 NODES -- mastectomy + 4 Adria/8 CMF, then '98 multiple mets into liver, Her2+ 80% -- Taxotere 9 mnths + Herceptin began 8 wks after beginning that chemo, to be sure it was working w/CT scan confirmation. On wkly Herceptin from Nov '98 - '02. On Herceptin ,triple dosage every 3 wks TO PRESENT. In '03 1 of my 5 oncs!!!!! suggested 5 yrs was as good as 10. (Love this brilliant man but -- I DIDN'T WANT TO BET MY LIFE ON HIS SUGGESTION.) He offered that I could always go back on Herceptin if I had a met. I thought (AND go back on chemo and lose the hair for the 3rd time and endure that hell -- no thank you very much)! I had a drastically poor prognosis and have been NED since '99. I AM ON THE 40 YEAR PLAN. In cautious remission and planning to stay right there. I want to be at my granddaughter's wedding and be a great grandmother. Was 50, with no grandchildren, when originally dx. Willing to do whatever it takes to get me there.

1 onc in NY told me stay w/the plan. Another said, sounds good. I spent an entire day on the phone w/every breast cancer organization and UCLA and Slamon's office to get more input. No one was sure. I felt sure. But I wanted to meet w/Slamon, when visiting my Calif daughter. He wasn't seeing patients at the time. FYI, I now here, from this site, that he is back! It was suggested by Slamon's office that I see Dr. Pegram, his partner. I made the appt.

Pegram read my copious file. He said there was no theoretical reason why I should go off the Herceptin. As long as I could withstand the drug physically (I am extremely fatigued and get dipping red blood cell counts, then get Procrit or now Aranesp and am back to good for 3 mnths, then the cycle repeats, I was getting every 6 mnth ECHOS and my EF was 55% which cleared me, I had a small pericardial effusion from Taxotere that remained stable and not interfering w/heart function and was finally advised it would probably never go away and that that was fine, I get split nails (big deal) -- I'LL LIVE.) Pegram said as long as I could psychologically deal w/Herceptin FOREVER. I can. I believe it is saving my life. Pegram asked how I felt. If it were suggested that I go off Herceptin, what would I say? I responded right off. I said I'd say that sounds crazy. Would you tell a diabetic to stop taking their insulin?! Herceptin corrects my defective gene that overproduces a protein and causes cancer. There's your answer, Pegram said. You're doing great on it. You can financially keep going -- your insurance company isn't giving you grief -- stay on it. You're a walking miracle. A posterchild for Herceptin. Good job. Good for you. I think that's wonderful. My husband Paul and I concur wholeheartedly.

First dx at 50, post menopausal. Two daughters. One married at the time. Now 62. Other daughter married. And I have greeted 5 grandchildren as they entered this world. I witnessed 3 draw their first breath!

I keep as well informed as I can, and Paul does a superb job of gathering info. He is my best ally. Docs tell me I am healthy. I laugh. Just a little cancer. No, they say, your heart is strong, you're young. I laugh again. Comparatively, they explain. I feel 33 in my head, though chemo brain is a factor to be sure. I take supplements for mental acuity. They help. I'm working on writing a book. That helps keep my head clear and focused a lot. Docs tell me I have a great support team -- husband, daughters, family, friends. I envision myself far into the future every single day. I wake up grateful for the gift of the day and for my many blessings. I tell Paul I am lucky, and he thinks I'm crazy. You'd be lucky if you never got cancer. But I disagree! It could always be worse. I can walk and talk and bathe myself and feed myself. I can think. I can work at the computer. I can hug my grandkids and squeeze them tight.

I have become spiritually enlightened since '95 through dozens upon dozens of books. I meditate. I KNOW I will survive. I command my body every single day to get its' act together. To heal. To be healthy and well. I monitor my thoughts. I experience the fears and worries and then kick them to hell. They are noxious energy. FEAR AND FAITH CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE. WHAT YOU THINK ALL DAY WILL BECOME YOUR DESTINY! Your thoughts are energy. They are emitted by you into the Universe. They are sensed and responded to IN KIND. If you send loving, compassionate, generous, grateful energy out all day -- that is exactly what will come back to you, in a karmic way that is Law! I BELIEVE in my power to heal my body. AND I believe in YOUR powers! If you choose, which is another power we are all born with, and BELIEVE in your ability to call wellness to you, through the power of the energy of your thoughts -- you will be another miracle!

I pray you aren't rolling your eyes and thinking this is all too New Age sappy nonesensical. Read Wayne Dyer. Read Seat of the Soul. Read The Power of Now. Find your joy and serenity. Open to becoming a vessel for Universal LOVE and wellness.

I send you loving, healing energy and my prayers for your reaching for wondrous possibilities with Expectation, clear Intention and passionate Determination!!! ANDI