My Profile/ Its Scary

[dawn]

So good to hear from you especially today. Im having one of my blah days today. Just finished my 5th chemo 4 days ago and still smelling the chemicals. But cant get my mortality out of my head or let go of the fact that someone else could possibly raise my 5 year old son, and 2 year old daughter. Im having a weeping afternoon and this morning in the shower it was an all out ball fest, with hysterics included. I must admit I did feel a little better after but this breast cancer thing really makes you wake up and face life. So of course, I went to my lawyers office, got a copy of my will, updated it for my childrens sake. I have a sister, who has been my angel since this whole thing started and of course my children think of her as another mommy. I know she will always be here for my kids and treat them like I do, but there are just days you cant get past it. All this pessimisim is coming from a woman who just got all her scans and results back, all clear, nothing showing anywhere but Im having a GOSH IM SCARED TO DEATH day. More for what I'll miss with my children, than anything. Wow, 10 years ago, you would have been talking to a self centered, I don't care about anyone else in the world only myself, person. Now look at me! Anyway, had to get this off my chest, blub, blub, blub. Im hoping I can follow in your footsteps and many like you and look at my children 5 years from now and say. Thank You God, I've gotten them this far, Im so blessed. All we can do I guess, is hope and Pray and put it in gods hands.