need to talk...even if it\'s to myself....warning...sadness..

Hi. I feel your pain and can, to a degree, understand where you are coming from. I too feel that everything around me is crashing in. There are days when I wish I would just sleep the "eternal" sleep. There are days when I want to run away because, in my mind set that particular day, if I run away, everything will be AOK. Luckily for me, my children are grown and gone but the youngest one, 24, well suffice to say I could write a book on her which would compete with War and Peace page-wise. I've tried Wellbutrin and, like you, take other meds too (Femara and warfarin for a DVT). Like you, I am weary of the pills; like you, I am just plain weary. But then I get emails from FIT (friends in touch) and realize that, through the grace of His mercy, I am still alive and am able to give back, even if it is just a fraction, of what was given to me and is still given to me. Having cancer, of any kind, is the hardest word to hear, the hardest word to fathom, the hardest word to overcome ... but we do and we go on, if not for ourselves then for our loved ones. I am finding that support, whether it is a "sit-down" support group or an on-line group, is helping me. My cancer was caught early, thank God. I have the support of a loving man and loving family (minus the youngest daughter who keeps asking me when I'm going to die), and the support of many friends. I am very fortunate. A support group, someone from your church, a trusted coworker, even your physician, may be what you need. Knowing that you have this "beast" is enough to drive the most sane person insane but ... knowing that you can beat this "beast" is something else totally. As for your children, you need to take a firm hand, the upper hand. They are children and they need you, their mom. They have plenty of friends - only one mom. If you don't feel like getting out of bed, force yourself. If you don't feel like showering, force yourself. If you don't want to do anything, force yourself. The more you start doing for YOU, hopefully the better YOU will feel ABOUT YOU!!!! I am learning that about myself too.