I think I'm in trouble!

[VDC]

Thanks Carol! I hesitate to share because my story is so small and simple compared to what many of you are facing. It doesn't compare and seems so petty of me when I think of the long road many of you have traveled.

While I love my oncologist, she does have her mind set at times and does try to "persuade" by her choice of words. For example, when I first came to her, she was my second opinion and I demanded a second biopsy. She wanted me to go straight to surgery without a second biopsy. When I said I wouldn't have surgery without a new biopsy first, she said she was ordering an "excisional biopsy" for me. Since I was relatively well informed I asked how that differed from surgery! She sat for a moment just looking at me and then said she would order a stereotactic biopsy. Yup, this isn't the first time she has tried to manipulate me by her choice of words.

Knowing that, I'm not sure I would get an honest answer if I asked her why she said there was "no change" when in fact there was. I stay with her though, because she is an excellent clinician well respected in her field. There is no one else I would want doing a clinical exam for me. And while I need to sift through what she says to me, her clinical notes are always accurate and complete.

What I have learned over the last 9 months, is to read read read. Read my medical chart, read my radiology slides myself, read the medical journal articles out there, etc.

My best guess is that she is afraid that I will delay surgery or treatment if I know that the cancer has shrunk. She was VERY unhappy with me when I told her that I wasn't going to do anything until one of two things happened. Either there was clear progression of disease OR MD Anderson Cancer Center was granted IRB approval for the clinical trial. I basically told her it was MY decision and MY risk to take. She then had to tell me the results of the tests I had had earlier in the day. That was when she told me that there had been no change.

That still doesn't answer the question why though. Why has it shrunk? I would like to try to find an answer to that question because whatever it is that I'm doing......I want to keep it up!