Tired and angry

[rhondalea]

I think you have right and reason to be angry with cancer. Cancer sucks, and you've both been hit hard. Just don't compound the problem by getting angry with yourself because you're angry at cancer.

I think you should talk to someone at your cancer center/oncologist's office about respite care, because you need regular breaks from the load you carry. Also query your insurance company about visiting nurse services. You can't be a good caregiver to your wife if it's all on you all the time. The well-being of caregivers is often ignored, but your health and optimistic outlook are essential to your wife's recovery. I know there are resources, because I read about them when I was in treatment. You just need to ask about what's available in your area.

And at the very least, you can always come here to vent about it. As a practical matter, that won't get the work done, but it might make you feel a tiny bit better.

[Lucy]

I agree with what the others have said - what you're feeling is normal.

I was diagnosed with cancer in January of this year but I've also been a caregiver to a cancer patient and I have to say, caregiver is the harder, more stressful job - at least for me.

For me, being a patient has been more of a passive role so to speak in that I'm told where to be and what I need and I do it, the only action on my part is to follow directions. Whereas the caregiver role is more of an active role (what do you need, what can I do, let me do this, etc.). You're constantly trying to anticipate and act on the needs of the patient. It's very draining and taxing on the person. Almost everything you do is directed at seeing to someone else's needs and yours go unmet, if that makes sense. Rhondalea is right, you need respite. If you get help and take a bit of a break, you'll likely feel guilty for even wanting the break but it's still very important. If you're feeling drained and exhausted all the time you're not being the best support you can be for your wife and you need to be, for both of your sakes.

I wish you all the best and hope you can get what you need.

[catalina]

We found out Christmas Eve that my wife's cancer has now gone to her meninges. This is a dire situation and we are now talking about risk versus reward of further treatment. I am at a loss. Our kids are 23 and 19 and we talked last night to explain that we are the trreatment team, and we will have to make very hard decisions soon.

[rhondalea]

I'm so sorry. You just haven't gotten a break.

Please talk to Rolepaul before you make any decisions. He knows this subject better than anyone.