Touchy subject here

[sarah]

Hello Sherry,
So sorry to hear this but many people, myself included, go through relationship problems.
I would urge you to take anti-depressants.
you could also try to speak to a couple counselor.
I found being on Femara, which blocks all estrogen, I became easily upset. I now take anti-depressants and agree immediately with my husband if we have different opinions about something. sort of don't sweat the small stuff. I'd argue about a major thing but most things really aren't that important.
also try meditation and yoga - yoga breathing is very calming.
Think more about living and less about your illness. don't watch the news or Fox Tv, only good movies and read books - the best escape.
Remember you loved each other once and he's scared and men are not nurturers by nature but now find that thrown at them. talk more to your girlfriends and have friends over for tea or a drink (not dinner too tiring for you).
Hope this passes soon.
maybe a trip somewhere?
hugs and love sarah

[loveher]

Hi Sherry,

I'm not qualified to give any advice but i felt compelled to reply because my mom has gone through this for the past 10 years that she has been sick. Just wanted to say that I share your frustration. and from a daughters perspective, please take care of yourself! you have to stick around for many many more years.

[Sherryg683]

Thanks for all the wonderful advise and concern. I have been married 27 years to this man and this has been going on for 27 years. He's not physically abusive and most of the time is a good guy, although very moody. He's just loud and when gets angry tries to intimidate with his screaming. I am not one to be intimidated so we end up fighting, im just tired of it. We have been through counseling more than once and it helped once but we always seem to slip into old habits. I am just almost at the point where I don't want to talk about stuff that we've hashed and rehased many times. I just want someone who I can have fun with and I think he intentionally tries to sabatoge me enjoying myself...i really do believe this. I guess at anytime of your life there are going to be both good and bad things going on. It's better to focus on the good and sort of try to put the bad out of your mind. We did have a talk this morning after 4 days of not speaking to each other and things are better until the next time we have a blow up. I do not think that I am ready to go out and have to get a minimum wage job and try to pay insurance policies and raise my little girl and go to charity hospitals, so I guess I am going to have to work on making what I have peaceful. He is not a physical threat to me or my little girl, he just makes me so damn mad I could spit. Someone gave me the advise to just walk away in these times and that's probably what I should do. I'm just a fighter myself, which Is why I think im still alive, and its hard for me to walk away from anything. But thank you all...sherry

[Believe51]

Sherry, I am so pleased to hear that you feel a bit better today. I am sending love to you and prayers that you can find the peace you deserve.>>Believe51

[sarah]

Dear sherry,
sounds like you need couple counseling, if he'll go along with that.
so sorry to hear about this but as I mentioned in another post, it's quite common to have problems in relationships. men are not natural nuturers and therefore resort to their hunter instincts of survival.
take an anti-depressant, if you aren't already and maybe he should go and visit some relatives for a while or you should have someone close to you come and stay for a while.
emotions are so raw with cancer and frightening, no one knows what exactly is the right thing to do or say and men are particularly unprepared for this.
talk to your friends, a counselor or whomever and try to get rid or your anger and frustration and try to learn that he is the way he is and so find acceptance or......? separation and divorce? a hard road to follow and emotionally draining and what about the children?
I think many of us have felt this during our treatment and wondered if we wouldn't be better alone or whatever but in the end you must remember that although he's not ill, he's going through a feeling of helplessness and men don't handle that well. they like to be in charge and dictate and now nothing works and their impotent - sex is another issue.
big hug and love, try to understand his species!
love sarah

[Ruth]

Sherry ~

Glad to hear that you will have a little peaceful time. I have a hard time thinking that it is all your responsibility and you need to take medication, be more understanding, walk away from arguments and go to counseling. I personally believe that there are many men out there who are absolutely fantastic and you don't need to fix yourself to get along with. Whats wrong with you other than you don't like to get yelled at? Who does???
I don't think you need to change yourself to make peace. You are dealing with a cancer diagnosis for crying out loud. He needs to speak to someone who can help him understand how to be a better husband in these circumstances! He needs to step up to the plate be the understanding one, kind one and considerate one ~ marriage is a two way a street. What made me sad in the last message was that you felt that you couldn't have fun with him and that he sabatoges it. None of us live in the home with you but if you are unhappy please help yourself. Don't accept it because you feel you have no options. There are always options in life.
These are my personal opinions and I understand that not everyone may agree with me.
Sending lots of hugs ~ Ruth

[R.B.]

Re moody

I know this sounds trite but I have spent 4 year nerding on the subject written a book, and am just finishing a total rewrite.

http://her2support.org/vbulletin/sho...ght=greek+diet

Excess Omega 6 and lack of Omega 3 increases aggression. There are several trials showing fish oil will reduce "aggression". It is also important to get adequate minerals (fish shell fish seaweed) and there is a trial in a prison population showing that helps too.

A tablespoon a day even two of a good quality fish oil, and cut the Omega 6s right down, but if on heart medication blood thinners please talk to a doctor first.

DHA helps increase serotonin, dopamine, and reduce noradrenaline.

Excess Omega 6 can upset hormone production and in general terms increased testosterone plus low serotonin = moody

[juanita]

just sending you lots of hugs!

[chrislmelb]

Hi there, i may know where you are coming from and i did leave my marriage. We tried counselling etc but i decided as i was getting NOTHING positive out of the relationship it was no used continuing. He also was unemployed so i wasn't even living off his wage. Luckily in Australia i know that i will get the best of care in a public hospital which is government funded. I have no mets but i know that if i did, i would still get the same excellent treatment as someone privately insured. Some people choose to go public as they tend to be more in tune with things as they are teaching hospitals.
I can understand where you are coming from re health insurance, it must be very hard and i can see why you want to hang in there.
Good luck