The insensitivities!!!

[chrisy]

I've heard some doozies...and how I respond depends on how well I know the person and to a certain extent, what I think they want to hear. Or what I feel like saying.

Most people say that stuff out of ignorance, combined with actually wishing you well and sometimes with a dash of wanting to think it will all be okay because they themselves are fearful.

With casual acquaintances, I see it sort of like most people say "How are you" but they really mean "hello" and expect to hear "I'm fine". So I say that. Sometimes even when I know they want to hear "the truth", if I don't want to discuss it, I just say "I'm fine". or if I'm feeling really wacky, I'll say "still above ground!". That usually leaves them wondering!

Sometimes, if they sincerely ask me one of the hard questions, like "are you cured", I'll give them the best honest answer I can without breaking everyone's heart.

Seriously, I've had some very good friends say some really ignorant things...like how they always wanted to die before their spouse, too. Although that one shook me up pretty well, right after my Stage IV diagnosis, I really had to chalk it up to I know she meant me well and was coming from a place of love...and then something really stupid came out. I even made a pact with a group of very good friends who were worried they'd say the wrong thing that if they ever DID say the wrong thing, I'd just respond "I know you said that out of love". Because it would be true.