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Old 01-21-2009, 11:18 AM   #1
Faith in Him
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Dealing with all the emotions

I have been slammed with so many emotions lately. I wonder if it has something to do with coming up on two years since dx and that I was not able to do it without a recurrence. Even though I am not competely out of the woods, I am doing well at the moment. Oddly enough, this is causing me some stress. Is this normal?

I do not attend a local support group. Is that benefical to some?

But through it all, I am still very grateful to be here and spending each day with hubby and the kids. I just wish I could do it without shedding so many tears. Is this what we call getting used to our new life?

Tonya
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DX 02/01/07
2.5 cm, Er/Pr-, Her2+++
18/20 Nodes
03/07 CT & Bone scan - Clear
AC x 4, Taxol x 4, Added Herceptin
Radiation until 09/07
Herceptin every 3 weeks until 06/08
01/10/08 local recurrence -IBC
01/28/08 CT & Brain MRI - clear
02/08 - Navelbine & Herceptin
05/08 -MRM
05/08 - Gemzar & Herceptin - didn't work
09/08 - Hyperthermia rads
03/09 - Tykerb/Xeloda
05/10 - Tram flap to fix wound
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:56 AM   #2
StephN
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Hi Tonya -
Yes, many of us are hit emotionally this way.

From the sound of it, you may be suffering from something like post traumatic stress disorder. This can hit cancer survivors at any time, and is why many of us end up taking an antidepressant for at least a little while till we are able to cope better.

If you have not had this conversation with your doctors, maybe it is time now.

Hope this will help.
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"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest." H.D. Thoreau
Live in the moment.

MY STORY SO FAR ~~~~
Found suspicious lump 9/2000
Lumpectomy, then node dissection and port placement
Stage IIB, 8 pos nodes of 18, Grade 3, ER & PR -
Adriamycin 12 weekly, taxotere 4 rounds
36 rads - very little burning
3 mos after rads liver full of tumors, Stage IV Jan 2002, one spot on sternum
Weekly Taxol, Navelbine, Herceptin for 27 rounds to NED!
2003 & 2004 no active disease - 3 weekly Herceptin + Zometa
Jan 2005 two mets to brain - Gamma Knife on Jan 18
All clear until treated cerebellum spot showing activity on Jan 2006 brain MRI & brain PET
Brain surgery on Feb 9, 2006 - no cancer, 100% radiation necrosis - tumor was still dying
Continue as NED while on Herceptin & quarterly Zometa
Fall-2006 - off Zometa - watching one small brain spot (scar?)
2007 - spot/scar in brain stable - finished anticoagulation therapy for clot along my port-a-catheter - 3 angioplasties to unblock vena cava
2008 - Brain and body still NED! Port removed and scans in Dec.
Dec 2008 - stop Herceptin - Vaccine Trial at U of W begun in Oct. of 2011
STILL NED everywhere in Feb 2014 - on wing & prayer
7/14 - Started twice yearly Zometa for my bones
Jan. 2015 checkup still shows NED
2015 Neuropathy in feet - otherwise all OK - still NED.
Same news for 2016 and all of 2017.
Nov of 2017 - had small skin cancer removed from my face. Will have Zometa end of Jan. 2018.
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Old 01-21-2009, 01:42 PM   #3
Sherryg683
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I can relate. I have been lucky that it is now over 3 years without anything coming back but I am always waiting for that other shoe to drop. I remember the odds I was given on 5 year survival and instead of thinking that I've done good and beaten the odds so far, I feel like I am getting close to that mark and only have so much time left. Stress is just normal for us now I believe, we just have to learn to deal with it. I have started taking Lexapro and it seems to help , that and having a clean scan last week. As far as the tears, I never knew that I had so many tears that I could shed. I had never been much of a cryer and now I seem to cry almost ever day. You think we would dry up. Crying is one way for me to release the stress I am feeling, so I think it's OK. I don't cry around anyone, usually in the bath or by myself somewhere..sherryg683
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Diagnosed: December , 2005 at age 44
13+ positive lymph nodes
Stage IV , Her2+, 2 small mets to lungsChemo Started: Jan, 2006
4 months Taxotere, Xeloda, Hercepin
NED since April 2006!!
36 Rads to follow with weekly Herceptin indefinately
8 years NED now
Scans every year

Life is not about avoiding the thunderstorms, it's about learning to dance in the rain!
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Old 01-23-2009, 07:10 AM   #4
RobinP
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Yes, your emotions are completely normal. I think I had a harder time coping a few years after diagnosis than when I was going through treatments, as you finally have time to think about what you've been through. I wished I had read some good self book sooner, rather than suffering through it all for so long. My doc gave me Zoloft, which helped. However, what helped the most were books that preach about focusing on the now rather than the past and future.- Eckhart Tolle's recent best seller hits on this topic great.
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2002- dx her2 positive DCIS/bc TX Mast, herceptin chemo
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Old 01-23-2009, 12:41 PM   #5
Joan M
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Tonya,

I understand completely.

After the brain surgery I went through a spell of feeling depressed between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think it's like what Stephie said, post-traumatic stress syndrome. I didn't have enough time to absorb everything because a brain tumor requires immediate action.

I still get teary-eyed under certain circumstances. It's an adjustment.

I'm praying that you'll feel better and be with your husband and children a long time ... well, getting teary-eyed again (and I'm at work!).

Joan
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Diagnosed stage 2b in July 2003 (2.3 cm, HER2+, ER-/PR-, 7+ nodes). Treated with mastectomy (with immediate DIEP flap reconstruction), AC + T/Herceptin (off label). Cancer advanced to lung in Jan. 2007 (1 cm nodule). Started Herceptin every 3 weeks. Lung wedge resection April 2007. Cancer recurred in lung April 2008. RFA of lung in August 2008. 2nd annual brain MRI in Oct. 2008 discovered 2.6 cm cystic tumor in left frontal lobe. Craniotomy Oct. 2008 (ER-/PR-/HER2-) followed by targeted radiation (IMRT). Coughing up blood Feb. 2009. Thoractomy July 2009 to cut out fungal ball of common soil fungus (aspergillus) that grew in the RFA cavity (most likely inhaled while gardening). No cancer, only fungus. Removal of tiny melanoma from upper left arm, plus sentinel lymph node biopsy in Feb. 2016. Guardant Health liquid biopsy in Feb. 2016 showed mutations in 4 subtypes of TP53. Repeat of Guardant Health biopsy in Jana. 2021 showed 3 TP53 mutations, BRCA1 mutation and CHEK2 mutation. Invitae genetic testing showed negative for all of these. Living with MBC since 2007. Stopped Herceptin Hylecta (injection) treatment in March 2020. Recent 2021 annual CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis and annual brain MRI showed NED. Praying for NED forever!!
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